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Life in the Driver's Seat


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Well life sure has it's little improvements. Recently,my husband destroyed my pc by letting in some lethal virus. I managed to ressurect it some what, but it was slowly shutting down system by system. Plus he had done the same thing to this system 3 times in total. I was mad to say the least. So I finally after saying there was nothing more I could with pc and I needed a new one, I was surprised, but he agreed. I said, well if you break something you should really replace it. That made him snippy, but hey it is the truth he did break it, so he should replace it. He said I could have a new one because the other one was broken and old anyway. Well, we went to the store and I picked one I liked for a very reasonable price and we walked out with it. I am surprised he ponyed up. He has been changing in small ways for the better.

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I was surprised too that he took me to emergency to have my knee looked at. True I had to wait for him to get home from work but it was not an emergency after all. I did not need to be seen that second. Any other time in my life though when I needed care he would always whine and complain and whinge and say he had to work in the morning and get someone else to take you or drive yourself. And if he did end up taking me he would sit there and fume or read a book and fume and ignore me. This time he actually TOLD me I was going to see a dr because HE felt it needed seeing and if he had to miss work the next day he would as he needed to care for his family. Well I almost fell off my chair for sure. That is new. Hm, I am not sure I trust this new sympathy yet. Maybe he is changing?

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Oh my Lord, oh my Lord

I am ashes I am Jesus I am precious could I be

your girl. Could I be your girl. I am worthless

sounds compared to all your perfect words

Could I be your girl Could I be your girl

 

a Jan Arden song for a perfect friend.

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On a good note today, my son got an excellent report card. He came up in the 2 subjects he has the most difficulty with. He is on par with his classmates or exceeds the class average. I am so proud of him!! One subject he went down a little, but over all he has done better every year and this being in a new school too. I could not be more pleased with him.

 

On another note he is now working at school with the pc he needs. Awesome. He had a grant a few years ago but refused the technology. He wants to work alone like the other kids but he really needs the technology to help him. I am glad he has accepted it even though resentfully.

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I'm happy to hear about his academic successes. I know you've written in the past about some of his "limitations", but maybe they aren't limitations at all but rather obstacles that he's perfectly capable of overcoming. So what exactly are his specific challenges? I'm just curious now.

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I will try to explain it all, it is kind of complicated if you are not living it, ya know?

 

He has pretty severe ADHD, he is mildly autistic and he has a hearing processing disorder, he has a memory disorder in which he can not learn to spell, he has problems spacially. He can not learn to write. I wish I could show you how severe the issue is but I can not delete here so I can not. He basically can not take what he has learned in his head and put it on a piece of paper. His disability is labeled as communication.

 

We have been trying medication for his ADHD since he was 4 ish. We have given up on that because the side effects were too bad. They made him depressed and in some cases violent at times and depressed his appetite so much he at times had stopped growing.They also have caused heart attacks and liver failure and strokes in some people and can cause depression in later life. He had been medication free since May of last year and his own sunny personality has returned.

 

As far as his hearing processing disorder he hears some sounds as the same thing. He hears perfectly well but the way his brain interprets them is incorrect. He has an FM system at school so he can hear everything because if there is too much background noise he can not determine what is being said at all.

 

He took speech therapy starting in KG because he was pretty unintelligable to everyone but me and my mom. He had that because his brain was not interpreting sounds correctly. They did not discover he had a hearing processing disorder until he was 9.

 

As far as his learning to spell, I think he spells maybe on the level of second grade or a little above but he is in grade 8. He can spell simple words but that is all. It is not that he does not try it is he can not remember the word 5 minutes later once he has learned to spell it. He can read perfectly well. He was a bit behind learning how, he was 6 when he learned to read. I remember the minute he learned. It was the summer after grade one and I could hear him in his room with a book and he was suddenly reading. He came running out of his room and he was crying, " mommy I can do it!! I can read!! I get it. My teacher told me I would." I was so proud of him I started to cry. He does read on par with his grade and his comprehension they have said is significantly above his grade level. In his other school when they did his psycho educational assessment they said he had a very significant discrepancy between what he understands and what he can put on a paper but he does understand and comprehend way beyond his age.

 

As far as social development he is about 3 years younger than his chronological age.

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The other afternoon my son had a migraine poor little mite. He slept it off though. He had a four hour nap and then felt awesome he said. Latter that night he started to cry about the fact he has no siblings and he feels so alone in the world because EVERYONE has a sibling. It just breaks his heart. It made me cry along with him. I told him I have no idea how he feels because I have a sibling but I can imagine it is so lonely.We went over all the ways he is so lucky to be an only child. After a while we were laughing and making jokes and I was telling him stories of his babyhood which always make him laugh. I know people will tell me he just needs more friends, but it is not that. He wants FAMILY. In both mine and my husband's families, family is the most important. Friends are important, but they are not your family and family is the only thing that is forever. I told him the only way mommy can relate to him is the fact that mom is so sad that she will never have another baby and he is sad he wont have a brother or sister in life, but in heaven we will have that baby and that brother or sister because that is where he is.

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I can not believe my son goes off to HS next year. OMG already??? Was he not just a baby last week? I think I am starting to have empty nest panic and he is not even gone yet.It goes so so fast. I can not even tell people how fast it goes. One day your child is a baby no longer and then they are teen and then they are gone.

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I think it is so sweet (and sad) when children long for siblings. My niece was so happy to get 'stepsisters', and soon she will have a little brother (none of them are my brother's kids, but the new boyfriend's kids) and she is so excited for the baby. I know it was hard on her being the only child in either family right up until kindergarten. Your son sounds lovely and you...well you sound like an awesome mom.

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My son LOVES being an only child and he told me once his greatest fear was that I would someday have another child. No way THAT was gonna happen (I hate being pregnant!!), so he has always been happy. Isn't it strange how different children have different takes on the same situation? He's a great son (he's 22 now) and he's always been enough for me.

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I think it is so sweet (and sad) when children long for siblings. My niece was so happy to get 'stepsisters', and soon she will have a little brother (none of them are my brother's kids, but the new boyfriend's kids) and she is so excited for the baby. I know it was hard on her being the only child in either family right up until kindergarten. Your son sounds lovely and you...well you sound like an awesome mom.

 

Thanks Sherry.

 

Yeah my son has wanted a sibling since he could talk and express it. I tell him every day how awesome he is to me.

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My son LOVES being an only child and he told me once his greatest fear was that I would someday have another child. No way THAT was gonna happen (I hate being pregnant!!), so he has always been happy. Isn't it strange how different children have different takes on the same situation? He's a great son (he's 22 now) and he's always been enough for me.

 

Yes, I guess everyone sees it differently.

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btw, you don't have to get a new PC to recover from a virus... you can just re-install the operating system. You can make a backup of the operating system onto CDs (or order them), and then just re-image the PC with the operating system. You will lose whatever personal files you saved in the process, but you don't need to buy a new PC, since the virus only affects the software which can be re-installed, not the HW.

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Yeah I know, but the thing was old and super slow. Also I had like 7 years of digital pictures of my son and family on there. Some programmes I would have had to buy again etc etc... So I did not want to wipe it and start over. I am loving my new laptop anyway Now I can take it when I travel too. And my husband needed the lesson of you replace what you break. He thinks sorry cuts it for all situations and then you do the same things over and over. Nope does not work this way. Now that it was a $650 mistake for him, maybe he will think before he breaks things. I know it sounds like I am trying to teach a child but in that way he is pretty childish. So believe me I was pretty happy he got me a new one without too much talking from me.

 

Thanks for the info about pc's though

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My son got Pokemon White today. He had saved some Christmas money to get the game. He LOVES Pokemon. He talk about them non stop, endlessly endlessly. He seems to pick something that he likes and that will go on for a few years.

 

I was remembering this morning the first time he ever gave me a hug. He was 5 months old or there abouts and he put his arms around my neck and said "mummmm mummmmm" It was the most blissful feeling ever that he had found a way to communicate to me his love and to be able to give it. He was always a little unusual. I remember once watching a show when he was about 9 months old. When a scene came on that had some pretty evident humour he laughed himself silly. I replayed the scene several times to be sure and again he laughed like crazy.

 

He used to love to sit on the floor with me when he was 10 months old and roll the ball back and forth, and he would say ball, ball, ball,ball

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I have often wondered why people think having children is selfish. To me it is entirely about love. You love someone enough to give them a child. You love the world enough to share your genetics and love with it. You love your child enough to give them life. Love is the only thing in my mind. I do not get it. How is that selfish?

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I think it comes from the perspective that you are choosing to bring in another child with your genes to this already overpopulated world with tons of children being not taken care of. A lot of people wouldn't consider adoption, but wouldn't mind having another bio child.

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See I do not see the world as over populated I see it has resources are misappropriated by regions and governments and in cases dictators. There is more than enough if the world's resources are used with equality.

 

As far as adopting I am not opposed to it and even tried adopting once but my husband was not ready at the time.

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I see it as overpopulated when you compare the earth's life diversity. We are pushing out other species simply because we use resources inefficiently - but that's getting really off topic.

 

I'm not opposed to adoption either (though I am not ready for another child at this point bio or not). I hear tons of stories where people do not want children from previous marriages, but they want to have 'new' ones with the partner. As if children from previous marriages were some kind of disposable commodity.

I see this mentality around this neighbourhood a lot (semi dettached houses, so I suppose it's a target area for 2nd marriages and starter families like us). Although the child from the first marriage is taken care of in terms of food, housing, clothes etc... they always come 2nd to the 'new' child.

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^

 

Very true mousty. There really is a drive and a need in some people to biologically reproduce. There was a thread on the forum the other week about an engaged couple who broke up over children-- they both wanted to have them, but she refused to have them biologically and for him there was no other way.

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