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Nice ....Just found condoms in ex's wallet


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So, My ex and I have been on a path to reconciliation for the last few months. And actually, for the last 2 months we have been seeing each other once a week and speaking everyday. He has been particularly nice in the last week- sweetness personified actually! I really thought we were on the right path. I didnt mind if he went out with his friends, whatever....I thought it was innocent.

 

Anyway, I went over to his house last night for some Thai food and a movie and the night went as awesome as ususal...We discussed his work, we were about to commence major renovation on my house ( he is a renovator). Just this past week he poured his heart out and told me he "really, really likes me" and "has so much chemistry with me he can feel it over the phone." He has issues because he was abandonned by both his parents- so this means I love you in his lingo. I usually check in about once every two weeks to discuss out status--that we can continue to try to reconcile, but we must be on the same page with regards to seeing other people.

 

Anyway, as I was leaving this morning, I knocked his wallet off the dinding room table and out dropped 2 condoms-- we dont use condoms.

He said they had been in the coat pocket for a while ( not true ) and got into his wallet.

 

His wallet it the type that folds over-- so the condoms were just folded over-- not in one of the pockets.

 

Needless to say this is upsetting. I trusted he wasnt with anyone else. This is different than finding a girls phone #. I noticed a few other things...he shaved the top of his chest hair- he said he did that because he wore a V neck and some hairs were poking out....it this necessary when out with the boys??

 

I asked him where he was on Friday night...he said he went out with his best friend.

 

I didnt freak out, I was very calm...I asked him about them -- he said they were old. he was a bit giggly about them. I said "how would you feel if you found something like this one me?"

 

Anyway, I told him I want no part of this relationship in this state. He said I was blowing it out of proportion.

 

Anyway as I was pulling out of the driveway I yelled :

 

"Don't forget your condoms!"

 

 

Sorry ENA'ers...Im just in shock, but at least a bit proud I didnt fly off the handle..need to vent! WHat would you do? I really feel like yelling: Now I have to get tested! Scream on the phone to him...But, I really just said nothing and left the house.

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Eek..... sorry you had to deal with this. I think you did pretty well, to be honest..... just move on and don't look back. If you're really worth the time, he will chase you down and explain himself. If not you have your real answer.

 

Good luck. Go scream and hit something if you have to! Don't harbor the pain, release it in a healthy fashion.

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Thanks Audrinaa, And Miss F & GOIP,

 

He never cheated on me while we were together- I know this for sure. I am actually surprised. In the last few weeks he caresses me, does the little things that cant be faked. In the last week especially, he plays with my hair, tugged on the hood of my coat before kissing me...these are things for him that mean more than words for him. He really came around in the last week.

 

I just dont get it.

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Sadchick...

 

I can tell you from personal experience.

 

A man can act as if he is the perfect boyfriend, give you all the attention, do all those sweet things, and be deceptive behind your back.

Shocking? Yes. But it happens.

If you are absolutely sure that those condoms just appeared in his wallet....that he is lying....you made the right decision.

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I know how you feel. I have to say though try to keep your cool from here on out and give him some distance. You were not officially back together with him so you can't be as mad as you wanna be but it's completely understandable why you are mad. You were hoping that he would want to reconcile. This was like a slap in the face. He wants his cake and eat it too. So many ex's are like this, make you think they are serious about getting back but it's like they never are and it's a smoke screen. It's never like it was in the beginning where they are seriously pursuing you and will let nothing get in the way of getting you. If he wants you nothing will get in his way.

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Hi,

 

I fear I may be the only male who has had input on this....but. I would like to comment in a slightly different fashion.

 

You keep referring to him as you "ex" so I am asuming by this that you havent actually made the final steps to getting back together. Although you may be "seeing him" again this isnt the same as being a "couple". So he may have had "encounters" with other women, and although its a shock for you he hasnt really done anything wrong.

 

If you two are still just testing the water with each other I wouldn't throw it all away over this. If he does want you back he will explain himself, and hopefully apologise but remember this isnt the same as cheating. None the less I can understand you were shocked by your find, and I am sorry it has hapenned.

 

Hope things go the way you want, all the best

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Oh God sadchick, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. I'm really shocked here as well. I thought things were going well and making noticeable progress lately, but now this? Maybe he was actually being more sweet in the last few weeks because he felt guilty for cheating behind your back. Some people try to cover it up for themselves by showing more love and sweetness and use this as a way to release their guilt. I think since you don't use condoms, he is lying. But is there any chance that they were in his wallet for a long time? But another question pops up here, why would he keep them if you don't use them?

 

Either ways, I really think this is too much and you took a handle of it. You remained calm, but made your point and did the right thing. If he really was true, it will show and he wouldn't settle for such situation. Right now, just seriously put him behind your back and give yourself some time to get out of this shock and get back to your normal state. This is all what you need for now. Keep it together. xxx

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If a man is carrying condoms it means one of 2 things:

 

1) He's having sex with someone

 

2) He's planning to be in a situation with a potential for sex

 

If it's reason 2, and he's your ex, and he didn't have sex with anyone, I don't see what the problem is here.

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Yeah, I guess I'm a little confused...you call him your "ex," but at the same time your expectation is for him to act like he's in an exclusive relationship? If this happened while you were in a relationship and you don't use condoms then yes, this is an enormous red flag. But why is it so suspicious for a single guy to have a couple condoms in his wallet? Prior to your reconciliation efforts I'm sure he purchased a few.

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This is what you wrote regarding how he treated you during the relationship and how he treats people in general. I am not sure why you would have sex with him, without a condom, when you were not even back together as a couple. As for seeing other people...given his history of not respecting the boundaries of others, it is really not out of character for him to pull a stunt like this. I am sorry that you had your hopes dashed again..but in the end it is better now that wasting years on this miserable man.

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Thank you for all of your responses...I called him my ex in this post / title...sorry I am just in a state of shock and maybe used the wrong title...he was my ex, but we have been trying again for a few months. The big part of our trial was that we would keep busy work and see each other once a week, but not see other people. I dont really know what to call him, so I used the word "ex."

 

Our activities have been having dinner, movies in the house ( it is winter here in Canada). He fixed a broken fence for me this week...we chat on the phone. Yes we have been intimate, he invited me over for his family's Christmas dinner. Under the circumstances he has been a boyfriend, But we havent moved to that title yet. The big deal was we were not to see anyone else.

 

The condoms were in his wallet...not in a pocket, just folded in...like they were placed there no more than a few days ago. He promised me he wasnt with anyone else. I have asked him thisn many times...I have even askd "are you looking?" and he said "NO!"

 

COD, I always respect your answers, but I was trying- to try again.

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This is one of those situations where I'd just walk away. Not get furious with the man, (well, I might steam a bit on the inside) just close that door entirely.

 

You are not yet an exclusive couple again, so he has no obligation to only see you. You, just as much, have no obligation to stick around with a man who is keeping his options open. Don't scream at him, or try to make him feel bad, just be the better person and leave him in your dust.

 

 

Edit: *Feh. One of my points were invalidated because I took too long to get a cup of coffee, but I still stress taking the high road here.

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He may very well be telling the truth.

 

I used to carry a condom in my wallet before, not cause I was picking up girls or anything, but it's there just in case anything happens. I wasn't expecting anything to happen, but carrying almost gave me a sense of false hope and confidence if I talked to a girl. It's weird, I know. At the same time, I had friends who were sexually active, so I could always give them one so they can have some protection too. I did want to find other women to sleep with, I never did though.

 

I think you're being too harsh on the guy. You're broken up with him, and you're expecting him to wait for you. Why? It's like having him on a leash at your whim.

The truth may very well be that he hasn't slept with anyone yet.

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Hi all,

Thank you so much for your responses...Yes COD, I'm sure if you comb through my old posts, I have said a few harsh things about him. There are inconsistancies I didnt know if I would get back with him or not .....but I am having a terrible time at work and have a suicidal father, so when the reconciliation was going well I felt a bit of relief from all the hell that is going on in my life right now.

 

I am numb this afternoon. The thing he said when I asked if he was seeing anyone else last week: "You are worrying about nothing."

 

He left me a message about an hour ago....He mentioned I left a shirt at his house...he spoke very quickly and sounded very nervous.

 

The condoms were not In the wallet, they were just folded in....so if the wallet fell to the floor, they would fall out....they would be the only thing that would fall out. SO they were not tucked into a pocket.

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It is hard, when there are other bad things going on in your life, to deal with the dishonesty and deception from someone you thought cared about you. I have been down that road and I know how it leaves you feeling "oh no, not this too". You will bounce back over time...things will turn around for you and you will be much happier no longer dealing with someone who "talks out of both sides of his mouth".

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Yes it is the dishonesty...I asked him point blank almost everyweek --he said "You are worrying about nothing" & "there is no one else."

He was initiating everything lately...calls everyday, saw him 3 times this week. Well, I cannot say what I will do at this point. But I guess it is NC. I feel like blowing up on him, but why bother...it is better to just disappear. This passiveness is going to give me an ulcer though.

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Well I just re-listened to the VM he left me this afternoon regarding the shirt I left at this house. He didnt sound nervous at all ( I had initially listened to the message while driving). He actually sounded like nothing happened.

 

I think I will just do NC for a while. But thank you for everyone's responses and thank you for not going to hard core on me....sometimes the advice on ENA is a bit harsh. I think I will disappear for a while....yes I was getting my hopes up like I think anyone would do, and coupled with my other problems in life right now, I just wanted to catch a break. We were so excited about the home renos we were about to start.

 

ENA has really trained me in that it is best to take the high road, post, then figure out what to do. My head is spinning and I havent eaten all day, so now is not the best time to do anything.

 

While I was confused about going NC, I am now sure this is what I have to do. If he wants me back he can beg and truly call me his girlfriend. Im not even sure at that point I will be attracted to him since I dont have trust.

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Thanks LNL...Yes I think this is one of those times NC is the way to go...I so feel like confronting him. I feel like I am bottling up my emotions. I should really let him have it. But I work at a bank and I know he is gonna show up at my work eventually- he has done his before.

 

I guess I will let him miss me, and see what happens...he usually starts calling all of my phones when he cant reach me. By the way, he got into his 4th car accident on Saturday morning in the last year...and he has to pay this woman out of pocket including her rental car because he insurance lapsed.

 

Karma......

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The wallet condoms expiry said 2014- meaning he just bought them. I just checked--the ones we had when just started going out ( about 20 months ago) expire in 2012. Same brand/type.

 

Yup he's a liar...he said they were in his coat pocket, and nessled themselves into the folds of his wallet. Not true, because I checked this coat pocket a few weeks ago, and the wallet.

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