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DrKitten

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What a weekend! There were some hiccups in hanging my show, but luckily I brought a bunch of extra hanging hardware and was able to improvise. The opening on Saturday was great, lots of love and support from classmates, teachers and friends. I was actually able to successfully mingle and chat with random people about my art. Anyone who knows how introverted I am knows that's a huge step for me, haha.

 

The only awkwardness was my ex boyfriend unexpectedly showing up! I guess that's what happens when you promote a public event to the locals. I was pulled in several directions to talk to people so my ex spent quite a bit of time talking to my current BF. I don't know what all they talked about but my boyfriend was obviously uncomfortable with the situation. I felt terrible about that but he was very mature about it and kept saying it was my night and I couldn't help who came.

 

The night started at 6, and we didn't leave until nearly midnight. I lost track of my beers (only had 1 gin and tonic!) but I never got really drunk. Thanks to my 1-2 beers a day tolerance, hah.

 

So all in all, it was a success. I'm glad it's over though. It feels like a huge weight is off my shoulders and now I can focus on job searching, making new artwork, and graduation, aaahhh!

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Had such a nice time with boyfriend last night. I'm not sure why, it was our pretty normal, routine night. I came over, he made dinner, we watched Netflix, fooled around and went to bed. He just seemed extra happy to be around me and was very affectionate and cuddly, which made me extra happy to be around him. Talked about some "future" stuff, what we should do for our anniversary, our vacation later this summer, and had an insightful discussion about our sexytimes, hehe. Damn, I just love having conversations with him. Our first anniversary is next month. I've been in two other relationships that lasted over a year, and I've never felt as happy and fulfilled at this point as I do with this man.

 

I don't know if we just have a long honeymoon period but I'm still ridiculously attracted to him and enjoy, trust, appreciate, and love him so intensely. It hasn't been without some difficulties, but we still haven't had any fights or arguments really. And I'm always impressed with how level-headed and mature he is when faced with some conflict. Definitely not letting this one go!

 

Yeah sorry, haven't gushed about my guy for a few posts, hah.

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Ugh, it is downright storming here in my part of the state. I bet every Northern Californian is sick of this depressing weather. I hope boyfriend makes it home without getting drenched. It was pretty clear this morning and he rode his bike to work.

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I bought a road bike today! Never mind that I haven't ridden a bike in about 6 years, hah. Embarrassing times in my boyfriend's apartment parking lot just trying to get on it and ride, but I started getting the hang of it. Just need to actually get used to riding and I think I'll be set. Portland and Seattle, here we come!

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That all sounds really lovely. I actually could kind of 'feel' your evening from your description. It just sounds so good and positive.

I'm glad there is some good honest kind loving going on out there!

 

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Thanks Sim! Yes, there's definitely good men and women out there.

 

Brought home a nice chunk of tip cash tonight, woo!

 

I have one last project to work on for school. Haven't started and I have 2 days to do it. Now that's procrastination!

 

My last "final" is Thursday. I put it in quotes because my class is just going out for dinner and drinks, hah. Graduation is Saturday! Nope, still doesn't feel real yet.

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Had my last real art critique yesterday. I feel weird now, like who will give me real, professional feedback on my art now? I want to keep growing and maturing. I know I can complete projects and meet deadlines but not sure I'm totally ready to be off on my own. I feel like I still need mentoring and guidance. Guess I'm going to grad school then?

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It's not so much the technical skills of photography I need assistance with... I've assisted several photographers and am pretty confident/experienced with that itself.

 

It's more abstract than that. I'm more concerned about being able to make successful art. Having a vision/idea and being able to successfully communicate that into a unique, aesthetic experience. I can take good photographs but I want to be a better artist. It's hard to explain, it's a very internal process that I don't feel very confident in yet.

 

I often don't like calling myself a photographer because it makes people think I'm "just another photographer" who shoots weddings, portraits, fashion, landscapes, etc. But I really see myself as an artist who just happens to use a camera as my tool. There is a lot more to what I do than just making a pretty image. It's a process of constant self-discovery for me. I never know what to say when people ask what I shoot. My automatic response is "fine art" but that doesn't really answer the question and it sounds so pretentious to me.

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Well, I do understand. I'm a fashion designer/ dressmaker. In fact, i'm just about to do a Masters Degree in Holland starting this Autumn, as I've worked for years as a technician in the UK fashion industry, but now want to develop the artistic side of this, and push my designs and creativity.

 

I have a mentor of sorts, who I've know for a number of years now. She's a designer in her 60's and she's helped me enormously, both technically, but also setting me projects to help push my creativity.

 

I don't think I can really advise you, but well, you are young, and right at the beginning. I didn't feel comfortable calling myself a designer for years and years. I'm doing my Masters now at 39 years old, although i feel a lot younger. Your college is coming to an end, and perhaps you are feeling pressure to do the next thing. Perhaps you could relax a bit, take it easy over the summer, maybe set yourself a couple of easy going projects and see where they take you.

 

Something I've been battling with is always doing what i'm comfortable with, and that I know I can do easily. I've been pushing myself to do stuff I wouldn't normally do, and trying things out that I don't necessarily like right off the bat, to try to 'think outside the box'. If you always shoot in a certain way, or certain subjects, then perhaps try something you wouldn't normally go for, and make it uncomfortable for you.

 

Also, do you draw at all?

If not, learning to draw well from life will really train your eye to see better, and you'll notice things around you more. That's a bit of a more long term thing. But unless you totally hate it, nothing bad every came from being better at drawing.

 

S

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Thanks for the insight, Sim! Good luck on your Masters!

 

I have a couple of professors who I'm very close to and they've really helped to shape me. They've always provided excellent feedback for me and made me consider things I never thought of. I'd like to just make appointments with them every so often to have them critique me, but I know I have to let go at some point. They've advised to regularly meet with other artists for critiques, but I'm not close with many.

 

I have the same battle of doing what's comfortable. I don't draw much, but I do want to start carrying a sketchbook around and get in the habit of drawing things I notice. Aside from photography, I enjoy relief printing on wood blocks and dabble in some mixed media and painting. Ahhh, that's another thing. There's so much I enjoy and want to try that I don't want to lose focus!

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I think you'll be fine, and yes, you do need to let go at some point, but I think we can always benefit from proper feedback. It'll come, these things have a way of just happening. I say relax and enjoy the summer! You graduated!

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I'm a college graduate!

 

Aaaand I have lots of projects in the works including

 

-possibly another solo show in September

-a second job at a coffee shop

-doing web/graphic design for said coffee shop

-one of my images possibly being used for a book cover

 

I had no idea I'd still have this much going on right upon graduating! I thought I'd feel lost but I have so much to do!

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I'm more concerned about being able to make successful art. Having a vision/idea and being able to successfully communicate that into a unique, aesthetic experience. I can take good photographs but I want to be a better artist.

 

I'm not sure this desire (and slight insecurity) ever goes away. I've yet to meet an artist in my circles that feels they have this "down," and some of them are very mature in their careers. I know it hasn't gone away for myself. Every single piece brings a deep breath and a "how will I ever see this through as it's in my head?" anxiety.

 

I do not like calling myself an "artist." Others around me sometimes call me that (like, introducing me). The whole thing sounds pretentious to me. Like I have some kind of monopoly on being creative. Honestly, I feel like being in art school really intensifies the need to "identify" with a certain image and self-definition -- "I'm not an ILLUSTRATOR, I'm a PAINTER" (my specialty); "I'm not a 'couch art' artist, I'm a FINE ARTIST"; "I'm not "just any ol' photographer, I do ART." And then there are all these perceived levels of status or focus, and what they connote.

 

I prefer, personally, to say, "I do art" when people ask me about my career, except under the most formal of circumstances. I'll let other people decide if it's worthy of being called "art" to the point of labeling me an "artist". Truth is, that's only a part of my life anyway. I do many OTHER things as well.

 

If you say you're a photographer and people ask what you shoot, say, "Whatever I see that moves me."

 

Congratulations on graduation though! Big step. Good luck -- it's a tough field if you never get complacent, but worth it.

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New record for longest artist resume I've seen: 30 pages! Mine is barely two, hah.

 

So it looks like I'll have two part-time jobs soon, working almost full-time hours. I'm hoping it'll be enough to move out. Maybe I'll look into selling artwork on Etsy and such for a bit of supplemental income. I'll see where my monthly income is at the end of summer.

 

As much as I love my internship, I don't think I can spend time on unpaid work anymore. I have nearly a year's worth of experience here, and it doesn't look like they have the ability to pay me anytime soon. As soon as my second job is secured, I will probably talk to my boss about leaving.

 

It makes me sad but upward and onward! I will definitely keep on the lookout for a paid position in a similar place.

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OMG! OMG! OMG!

 

He wants to live together!

 

I didn't think he wanted to, but he brought it up last night and we talked about it. It will be in a few months at least, I'll have to see what my income and budget is. And we'll be talking about it a lot more. I want to do it right this time, and have it be for the right reasons.

 

We talked more about past stuff too, which we've never really done. Why he's nearly 30 and never lived with a girlfriend before, and why my previous cohabiting with a boyfriend didn't work out.

 

But it makes me soooo happy he's that serious and wants to move forward in our relationship. I'm just beaming right now.

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Thanks, Jonas!

 

Last day of my internship is today. They're being very sweet and taking me out for drinks. I will always appreciate the friends I made here and the skills I learned.

 

2nd part-time job may be a bust, though I don't feel like going into it now. In short, I think my boss is trying to squeeze all he can out of me while still paying me the least amount of money he can. No way, buddy. And I'm just... not particularly comfortable around him in general. I'll talk to him when I go in on Saturday and we'll see how it goes.

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Boyfriend and I went to a punk rock show last night. Ugh, I feel like I'm getting too old for being in the front. Elbows, arms, and hair flying at me from everywhere, and sweaty people pressing in on me from all directions, ugh. It was a good show but being all up in there doesn't have the same appeal that it used to.

 

I'm back down to 1 part time job and searching for something else to fill my time again. I almost want to run back to my internship but no, gotta move on.

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My brother got a kitten! He's an adorable white, 3 month old playful boy who's asleep in my lap right now. I told my BF I couldn't come over tonight because I can't wake the cat, lol.

 

I'm so in love with him already. I get the same way about cats the way some people are about human babies. Kids do nothing for me but kittens just completely melt my heart.

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