DrKitten Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 I only need one rep point until I'm Gold! Who wants to help me out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 My last quarter of college starts tomorrow! Spring break went by pretty quickly, despite not doing much. It's supposed to get sunny this week and reach 75 F! I can't wait for warm weather. My only class tomorrow is from 3-6pm, but I'm going early so I can sign up for yoga classes at the gym. Time to be active again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sim54 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Hi there. Just read through this. You and your guy sound really lovely together. Just one thing about you being insecure. Does being with him make you feel less insecure? Would you say he's helped 'cure' you of it a bit? You did give yourself a bit of a hard time about it the other day, saying you 'knew' better, but remember it's a feeling, and well, sometimes 'knowing' something doesn't change how it feels. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Hi there. Just read through this. You and your guy sound really lovely together. Just one thing about you being insecure. Does being with him make you feel less insecure? Would you say he's helped 'cure' you of it a bit? You did give yourself a bit of a hard time about it the other day, saying you 'knew' better, but remember it's a feeling, and well, sometimes 'knowing' something doesn't change how it feels. Peace. In some ways, yes. Being with him certainly enriches my life. But I've also learned that my sense of security has to come from within and no one but me can really cure it. I was a complete, insecure wreck in my teens. At 19, I dated a guy who I thought "cured" me of it. He's a good guy, but the other side of it was he put me on a pedestal. He was a doormat who completely and utterly adored me. I was "perfect", "always right", and could do no wrong in his eyes. I knew for a fact he would never leave me in a million years. But after I became confident, his behavior was far too overbearing for me. I wanted an equal partner, not someone who worshiped me. After that ended, I figured out that not all guys were going to validate me like he did. I was still pretty confident but definitely knocked off my pedestal. My current relationship is the balance I've been looking for. But because my guy isn't constantly kissing my ass, I still have my insecure moments. I have definitely gotten better over the course of our relationship though. Probably a longer answer than you were looking for, Simbad. LOL. Edit: Geez, I just read back and am cringing at mushy my entries about my boyfriend are. LOL, I'm such a sap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sim54 Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Interesting, and pretty much what I hoped you'd say. I've come from a RS where we both were 'using' each other to fill in the gaps so to speak, and although it worked for a while, it was unstable, and the split was messy, as two people so entwined tend to 'rip' apart, taking chunks out of each other. I'm now working on filling the hole in my heart with myself so I don't need someone to validate me. It's tough, but I reckon worth it. Still, all good loving and supportive relationships have an element of healing in them. S PS, it's fine to be mushy about your guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Isn't it great to have a amazing guy who even when you are completely bonkers will look at you and you know you are being completely bonkers but he still loves you no matter what? That was a mouthful, lol! What are you going to school for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Interesting, and pretty much what I hoped you'd say. I've come from a RS where we both were 'using' each other to fill in the gaps so to speak, and although it worked for a while, it was unstable, and the split was messy, as two people so entwined tend to 'rip' apart, taking chunks out of each other. I'm now working on filling the hole in my heart with myself so I don't need someone to validate me. It's tough, but I reckon worth it. Still, all good loving and supportive relationships have an element of healing in them. S PS, it's fine to be mushy about your guy! Thanks, you're absolutely right. I wish you the best in your healing journey. Isn't it great to have a amazing guy who even when you are completely bonkers will look at you and you know you are being completely bonkers but he still loves you no matter what? That was a mouthful, lol! What are you going to school for? OG, I'm starting to realize my occasional bonkers-ness isn't going to drive him away. It's a lovely, peaceful feeling. I'm going to school for photography. I'll be done in June, woo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Pretty nice first day back at school. Signed up for the gym, did my yoga class. I instantly remembered why I love yoga so much. It just forces you to take your mind off everything and slow your (well, my, at least) racing mind down to just focus on your body and your breathing. Nothing else matters for the next hour. You really just stop and listen to what your body's saying and it helps you become a lot more in touch with yourself. Very therapeutic, I think. Doing yoga again today, then plan to run on the treadmill for about 20 minutes. I may not have to do Advanced Portrait after all The head of the photo dept pulled me out of printmaking class to tell me I could do an independent study instead. I was like, Hell yes! I am not a big portrait photographer, though I would not have minded the class since everyone I know is in it. But I'd rather work on my own projects anytime. The printmaking teacher is also letting me work very independently. This quarter's class is doing etchings/itaglio prints but he said I could work on my preferred method, which is relief printing. Boyfriend has also commissioned me to make some woodblock prints for him. He has mat boards and frames, just needs artwork to go on them. He's paying me in beer, haha. The only "bleh" part of the day was having to go to my ex's house because my jury summons was sent there. I guess him and the girlfriend finally split up and she moved out of his place, though her little yappy dog is still there for now. His house is still incredibly messy. Now that there's a dog there, I'm so glad I don't have to clean up that place anymore. He was friendly, maybe even a little flirty? He hugged me when he first saw me and said "Hah, you're still short. Your hair looks cute, especially with the wind blowing." Uh, okay. He was changing the locks on his doors when I showed up. I didn't ask why, but I can only guess the girl was crazy. I briefly saw his cats (which once were ours) and they seem to be doing well. I feel bad they have to deal with a dog though. Just went on Facebook and now the ex is posting cute cat videos on my wall. "Enjoy this until you can come play with ours" he said. Meh. I better tell him soon I don't want to be friends, and I'll never be over at his house until I need to for some reason. Sure I miss the cats but they're well and they're his now. I am over that part of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I've decided to not have caffeine on the days that I work out. So I haven't had any coffee since yesterday. After drinking coffee pretty much daily for at least a year, I'm having some NASTY withdrawal headaches. And I'm so tired. Ugh, it's only 8 pm and I think I'm going to crawl into bed already... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I know! I still catch myself going, 'okay, when is he going to get tired of me?' and then realizing he's amazing and he loves me for who I am - bonkers and all! Oh that's neat! I kind of have always wanted to do some photography on the side maybe one day. I hate caffeine headaches. It's why I won't stop drinking sodas dead because I know what will come and I already suffer from migrains - why put myself through that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I am caffeinated today and feeling much better. No school today thanks to Señor Cesar Chavez, so I get to relax a little. I do have lots of errands though... -Take books to the post office -Oil change & replace car battery -Follow-up on jobs & apply to a couple more -Go shopping! I need new and more "professional" clothes. -Repot my plants and move them to a sunnier spot -Get 2 large foamcore boards to flatten out my prints -Go through all my stuff for spring cleaning -Update website I will probably try to do all this stuff today and tomorrow. I also have a few art projects I need to find time for. Sigh, no rest for the wicked! The boyfriend and I seem to be spending slightly less time together, so I'm glad I've got so many things to distract me and keep me from freaking out. Since the weather got so much nicer, he's been working on and riding his bike more often. Which is good, it's one of the things he enjoys the most and wasn't able to do during the winter. Saturday we're going to a beer and food tasting event so that should be some nice, quality time together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Ran a mile around my block this morning and feeling awesome! Think I'll reward myself with an iced coffee and a shopping trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Another lovely weekend. I've really got it good. Just could have done without coming home to see a FB message from my ex entitled "Hey there green eyed bandit". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 Struggling with my lack of caffeine this morning... definitely in a slump. If I feel anything like last week, I will definitely need at least a little coffee after working out today. LOL, I had no idea I was such a junkie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 This is going to be a long day at work. Can't believe it's only 10:30, and there is a staff meeting today (yawn). My throat is feeling irritated. After not having allergies my entire life, I think I'm finally getting them, ugh. Feeling a bit discouraged at the lack of response from my job applications, even after following up. I need to just keep my mouth shut unless I actually get an interview. I hate saying "Well, no.." when people ask me if I've heard anything yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 My town made the news yesterday because it was snowing. I'm just outside of the bay area and it's APRIL! Also it was so cold this morning I could see my breath again. Ugh, bring the 80 weather back please.... Going to work for a few hours today to work on an art restoration project. Should be fun! I'm 80% sure I have allergies now my throat and nose have been feeling icky. I took an allegra and am feeling better, so I guess that answers that. No big plans for the weekend, though the boyfriend and I may go see his uncle play guitar with his band at a winery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I can't wait for spring. Summer in the south is awful but spring... Ah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 My brother just came home for the weekend. He ended up having like 5 parking tickets in a month so my parents aren't letting him take the car to school anymore. Dad went and picked him up. My brother got a new place to live on campus and my mom just got done asking him how clean it is and offering to clean it for him. Then she sees me doing my laundry and is like "Oh look, here's another little piggy!" Dubya Tee Eff? She's never had to clean up after me since I was 15! F'ing A. We get along fine when my brother isn't here but when he is.... I just wonder if she realizes how blatantly obvious she is about putting me down while doting on him. Even if it's just teasing, it's f-ing annoying. Which reminds me, I have another job app to send out. I can't wait to get the hell out of here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I know that feeling. My mom does it! I don't think she knows she does and I love her to death but she does do it and I'm sure in sone ways she favors me over the others sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 Mmm, why does sex feel so much naughtier on Sunday morning than any other time we do it? Must be the oppressed Christian guilt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 Just something about weekend sex in general, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Long, rambly, kind of introspective post ahead. Yesterday was kind of funny. I was on ENA yesterday morning and skimmed a thread about flirting and seeking out male attention, despite having a partner and the OP feeling rejected if she didn't get flirted with when she was out. I didn't reply but on my commute to school, I thought about how that related myself. I think I'm fairly attractive, but I don't think I get hit on very much. It's not something I really seek out and think about, even when I'm single. If I go out with the ladies and don't get chatted up, I don't feel disappointed. It doesn't even occur to me. I'm more often annoyed if some guy is trying to talk to me when I'm trying to unwind with a beer, or reading at a coffee shop, shopping at the grocery store, etc. I dress modestly and I think I act kind of unapproachable and just trying to go about my business. So if someone tries to talk to me, I'm usually a bit short with them and try to ignore them. Well yesterday, I ended up getting the most solicited male attention I've gotten in a LONG time. Haha, could they sense what I was thinking? In the morning, I had just finished running at the gym and was speedwalking to cool down. I'm sweaty and disheveled, headphones in my ears, in my own world minding my business. This guy starts walking on the treadmill next to me (plenty of empty treadmills around, mind you) and starts talking to me. Turns out, we have a mutual friend who took photos of my tattoos for a project and the guy recognized my leg tattoo from the photos. We small talked for a couple of minutes before I was like "Okay, I'm done with my workout, see you later." I was a bit flattered, but somewhat annoyed. Later, I was getting coffee and one of the barista guys was pretty chatty and flirty. He asked how old I was, and how old I thought HE was. When I said I didn't know, he said "Can you believe I'm 26 and still working in a coffee shop?" and winked at me. I wasn't as annoyed at him though, I guess because he wasn't interrupting anything I was doing. After class, I went to a bar with 4 guy friends. I haven't hung out with these guys outside of school since soon after I got with my BF, due to me screwing up early in the relationship (kissed one of them). But I'm going to hang some artwork in this bar and invited them to check out the space with me and help me take some measurements. Had a couple drinks and played some pool too. Nothing inappropriate happened, though I had this odd conversation with one of them, A (not the one I kissed). A: DrKitten, you still have a boyfriend, right? Me: Yeah, I do. A: You liking it? Me: Yeah, I'm pretty happy. Why? A: Just wondering, not sure why I'm asking. Me: You still have a girlfriend, don't you? A: Yeah (laughs) I kind of like it, too. I don't usually see my boyfriend on Tuesdays, but after all this unexpected male interaction, I just felt like I missed him a lot and wanted to see him. So I went to his place after and had a lovely evening. Told him I was at the bar with the boys and showed him pictures of the layout. He didn't seem bothered at all that I was with them. Yeah, not sure of the point of this post. Maybe I'm still working through the guilt of cheating and trying to tell myself than attention from him is all that I need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 I've got about $16 worth of Amazon credit and I'm trying to keep from buying anything.... There are some books and stuff I'd love to get but I really just don't have any room to put anything. My bed is a futon and I'm thinking of folding it up into couch position so I have a bit more breathing room in here. I could probably sleep on it that way too, since I only sleep here 2 nights a week. I've also thought about getting those collapsible shelf organizing things you hang in your closet. Anything to make this room seem just a LITTLE bit bigger! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Kinda loving the new Lady Gaga single, "Judas". It has meanings on several different levels, which is very impressive for a pop song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 Going to a metal concert with my brother tonight. It's a band I've loved for years but have never seen live because they rarely tour the west coast. Should be a fun show and I haven't actually hung out with my brother in a while. He's still underage, but I'm considering being an awesome big sister and getting us some cheap booze before the show, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.