asthesparrow Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 So I've been 'dating' for about a year now. I didn't want a relationship at all during this time, just the company and sexual side of things, but I have met someone and would really love for it to progress to a relationship... So now, my problem. I met him about 6 months ago and since then we've both travelled a lot and haven't seen each other all too much. There was a period we spent 2 weeks together when I was in town... It was lovely. That was when I started falling for him. I won't see him for about 2 weeks when I will be settling down again where we live and I plan on expressing how I feel then! Which is really nerve racking... But I guess, how do I stop 'putting my eggs in one basket' as it goes...? Does anyone else have trouble with this when dating? I feel in the past 6 months I have turned down a few dates because I really could only think of him. So silly of me. For some reason my gut is telling me that it's inevitably going to end in heart break for me with this guy! Why am I so negative and paranoid when it comes to dating?? I am so afraid of rejection even after a year of lots of dating and overcoming shyness etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 If you think he's the one for you, you should be clear about how you feel so that you have no regrets. Just be prepared for any wishy-washy response that he's not ready for that kind of thing, or any other saying that is said to let you down gently. Wish him the best of luck if he doesn't feel the same, so you can move on and at least say that you took a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asthesparrow Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 If you think he's the one for you, you should be clear about how you feel so that you have no regrets. Just be prepared for any wishy-washy response that he's not ready for that kind of thing, or any other saying that is said to let you down gently. Wish him the best of luck if he doesn't feel the same, so you can move on and at least say that you took a chance. Yes that's how I feel. Get it out in the open because I'll regret it if I don't. The thing is, I have never pursued anyone like this before. I've never been the one to put feelings out on the line but something about him makes me just want to express all my feelings hahaha. Maybe because he is really honest? Or maybe I subconciously pick up on really positive feelings from him? Or maybe I'm just a silly gal head over heels? Haha, I don't know. Thanks for the advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I think if you confess ALL your feelings, you may scare him away. But letting him know that you would like to date him and see how things go is a good idea. But if you get the vibe that he is not willing to commit to getting to know you, get away from him fast. Don't hang around hoping he'll change his mind because he won't. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asthesparrow Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I think if you confess ALL your feelings, you may scare him away. But letting him know that you would like to date him and see how things go is a good idea. But if you get the vibe that he is not willing to commit to getting to know you, get away from him fast. Don't hang around hoping he'll change his mind because he won't. All the best. Hey I appreciate your advice. I wouldn't spill all the beans to him, gosh no. Just to let him know I am actually interested. He knows I am interested, obviously, why would I talk with him and say yes when he asks me out! But I guess I'd like for him to know that my feelings for him go beyond just the sexual side of things and I'd like more. I guess my main question here though, was, why do I always get caught up on one person? It's been a year of dating and it's been incredibly hard for me to find someone I connect with, can converse well with, have things in common...and at the same time be sexually attracted to. This has only happened to me four times in 10 years of dating! So when I do meet someone that I get along well with... I get really caught up in them. Think about them too much, etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 It's called "falling in love". It can be great if they feel the same, but if they don't your best bet is to cut all contact so that you are not stuck on that one person. Because the feelings won't go away and you'll be blind to others' good traits if you have love goggles on for someone that doesn't feel that way about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asthesparrow Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 It's called "falling in love". It can be great if they feel the same, but if they don't your best bet is to cut all contact so that you are not stuck on that one person. Because the feelings won't go away and you'll be blind to others' good traits if you have love goggles on for someone that doesn't feel that way about you. Sigh. It was never this hard when I was 16/17 etc. Dating was fun and I didn't care what people thought. If I liked someone, I let them know. I'd ask them on dates. I wouldn't be shy to make a move and to flirt. Now I'm older I feel like most men are out to use me, only after one thing, will get bored and tire of me easily, are better than me, I put them on pedestals if they earn more or have experienced more etc. Even worse, if they are attractive, charming, and we get along, I feel like they're going to play me/are cheating on me. How did I get like this, I'm only 25! I can't be cynical Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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