Is there always an instinct about the person you ended up with? Or not always?

[-Sanguine-]

I was just bored and thinking...

 

For those of you who are married or who are in long term relationships, did you have a gut feeling that your SO was the person you were going to spend your life with? I mean early on, before anything like that was discussed..

 

Or did you ever feel like "I'm not sure if this is the right person for me, but we'll see what happens.."

 

and then you ended up together for a very long time (or know you will be together for your lives, if all goes as planned)?

 

Or do you think there is always a kind of instinct or good feeling about someone who you will be with forever (I know nothing lasts forever, but just for arguments sake, I will use that word)

 

I hope my question makes sense.

Anyways... thoughts?

[sophie274]

I had that feeling the first night I met my boyfriend - that I KNEW we would date, that I knew we would get serious and fall in love ... after six months I knew that he was it for me and that we would get married after college.

 

Then I wasn't so sure. Then I felt sure again - 100%. Then I had doubts ... then we broke up.

 

So yeah, I'm really skeptical about people who claim they "knew". I feel like I've had that "I just know" feeling and it's wonderful and gives you all the warm and fuzzies in the world, but it doesn't mean you actually KNOW, it mean you're all gooey over the person. I don't believe in "just knowing" - I believe in dating and getting to know people and taking your time and then making a decision you can feel confident in based on the evidence you have, and then FULLY committing to that relationship (marriage) and not looking back.

 

I hope I don't sound like I'm down on love ... I just think everyone "just knows" ... until they don't know any more! After the fact, a lot of divorced couples might say "I always sensed it wasn't quite right", but often I think they are rewriting history, because at the time, they were telling their friends "I just know".

[savignon]

My husband said he felt and instant "something" that he couldn't put his finger on. He says it wasn't like "oh, this is the girl I'm going to marry"....but just something positive that he didn't really label and it motivated him to ask me out (eventually). I didn't feel anything the instant we met but there was a definitive moment I remember thinking "I'm going to marry him" and it wasn't declarative...it was like "oh, this is it"...like a discovery. I can't remember if it was a month or two into the relationship and I didn't share it with him. But I remember where I was and what I was doing when that voice came into my head.

[Jd1983]

My bf claims that he knew we would get together after he laid his eyes on me. He also told me early on (probably within 2 months) that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

I didn't always feel that way, considering I always had commitment issues, but I slowly opened up to the idea. He always treated me with respect, he always has my best interest at heart, he tries to protect me at all cost, we're compatible in a lot of ways and so forth. I would say after about 7 months together, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him just as well.

[penelope13]

I'm also not sure about the "knowing immediately" - it's easy to say after some while, that you always knew, because you like to remember it like that.

 

I was always very quick in recognizing if someone has the potential for being someone important in my life and although I didn't get married to them for various reasons, I am still in touch with most of these guys and they are still very dear friends.

 

As to my current partner who I (/we) am planning to marry, I met him somewhat 17 years ago, yes we had some serious chemistry already then, but I didn't even think about if he could be "the one". Later we lost touch for more than 10 years; since we reconnected we again recognized that there was chemistry, but it took another 3 years before we decided to be a couple immediately with the goal to figure out if we would get married.

[sweetpea03]

I think I knew within a couple months, but it wasn't an instant thing where I knew he was the "one". According to my boyfriend though, he new the moment we met that it was going to be long term.

[Circe]

For those of you who are married or who are in long term relationships, did you have a gut feeling that your SO was the person you were going to spend your life with? I mean early on, before anything like that was discussed..

 

Or did you ever feel like "I'm not sure if this is the right person for me, but we'll see what happens.."

 

 

The latter. On the other hand I have felt the former previously about the person I had a disasterous r'ship with and would not marry (now, and if I were single) if you paid me a billion dollars.

 

So - that feeling is not a guide in and of itself. You may feel it and be right. You may feel it and be wrong. You may not feel it and realise in time that you are with the person you would be lucky to spend forever with.

[sweetpea03]

The latter. On the other hand I have felt the former previously about the person I had a disasterous r'ship with and would not marry (now, and if I were single) if you paid me a billion dollars.

 

So - that feeling is not a guide in and of itself. You may feel it and be right. You may feel it and be wrong. You may not feel it and realise in time that you are with the person you would be lucky to spend forever with.

 

This is very true. ^ ... Emotions can be dangerous to follow... You have to logically think about it all, too.

[asthesparrow]

Hmm.. Funnily enough for me, I have 'seriously' dated three men and when I met all three of them, I had a weird instinctual feeling that we would meet properly, and something would come of it.

Maybe i was just incredibly attracted to them and really wanted to be with them - and because of this, giving off that energy, they were interested in me too so it sort of came together.

 

Literally with all three of them though! The first time I met my first boyfriend (together 4 years) I saw him in a group of my friends and I couldn't stop making eye contact with him (I can't ever do eye contact!!) and before I knew it I was actually pursuing him because I felt I couldn't let him go.

The second time was a man I met and I always knew we had a strong connection and that we would end up together. I kept loose contact with him over 5 years because I knew we were meant to end up dating at some stage. We were both in relationships though. Sure enough, 5 years later, we randomly bump into eachother IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY and spent a wonderful 5 months together!

[MasterPo]

I don't know about "gut feelings" anymore. Once they fail you it puts your world out of whack for awhile. Especially if you had success for a long time using it. I thought my EX was something special, my "gut/instincts" were rock solid about keeping the relationship. Guess I figured it wrong. I don't know anymore.

 

However, if she comes back and all is right with world, my "gut" would be validated and on to bigger and better I suppose. My point, think about it and I suppose jump if it feels and sounds right.

[The_Seeker]

Mine was first love at first.

 

Ha ha, I knew he was going to be my first boyfriend.

 

We lasted about 10 months.

 

I guess I have a good 6th sense. Hahaha, anyway he's the one I want to spend my life with, but since things didn't turn out the way it should, I'm moving on to something else.

[iBroken]

With my Ex, I always had this feeling that she was the one. But many times I fluctuated between her being "The one" or "The one that would scar my heart". I knew that we would be long term and at times I felt we would be forever. I did see myself growing old with her but there wasnt a definitive feeling. It was more like wishful thinking.

 

With my current girlfriend, I have a feeling about her. A very very very good feeling. I feel like I have known her my whole life and I feel that her and I will be together for a VERY long time if not forever. I get this feeling that "When you know, you know" but Im really trying not to read into that or run with it as I appreciate we are still in the honeymoon phase.

 

She isnt the first girl since my last serious relationship. I was dating another girl for a month or so and I NEVER got that feeling with her. In fact, the more time we spent apart, the better and I used to have to ask her to leave my place because I wanted to do my own thing without her. With my girlfriend, I dont look for that space. I look forward to our time together and hate saying goodbye if only for a night.

 

Of girls I have dated recently, I have never had that "feeling" until my current girlfriend.

 

But again, I dont want to read too much into that nagging feeling that says shes the one as I will be devastated if I learn she isnt.