annie24 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 link removed here is an interesting article on facebook making us sad. I can relate. I felt this way when I saw that my friends (or people i thought were my friends) had a huge party and didn't invite me. but everyone else seemed to be there. it kind of makes you feel 'ughhh.....' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 "Any parent who has posted photos and videos of her child on Facebook is keenly aware of the resulting disconnect from reality, the way chronicling parenthood this way creates a story line of delightfully misspoken words, adorably worn hats, dancing, blown kisses. Tearful falls and tantrums are rarely recorded, nor are the stretches of pure, mind-blowing tedium. We protect ourselves, and our kids, this way; happiness is impersonal in a way that pain is not. But in the process, we wind up contributing to the illusion that kids are all joy, no effort. " ...what?!? Nobody wants a play by play chronicle of your life. Who wants to see pictures of your kids' poopy diapers and temper tantrums? I don't post a lot of pictures, but when I do it's so friends who live far away and more distant relatives can watch her grow. Of course I post the fun pictures, the goofy ones... So for jounralistic accuracy, should I also post pictures of me making love to my husband? Should I post pictures of me getting out of bed in the morning with my hair messy and dark makeup circles under my eyes? Should I post pictures of me shovelling snow, just so nobody gets the impression that there's no physical labor in my life? what??? I did use facebook for something fun once. I gathered pictures of the gf's or wives of all the guys I've had something sorta-romantic with. I compared them side by side to see if there was a pattern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PonytailFairy Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I am not in facebook. I know some people who are badly hurt because of it. I am oldfashion with friends, we call or stop by to keep contact, oh well we send e-mails and post to send pictures and gifts. That is what keeps people as people and friends as friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 yeah, i guess that is the point of the article - you're never going to post ugly photos of yourself, or photos of your kid's poopy diapers or pictures of you sitting inside eating ice cream and watching TV or doing other boring things. you're only getting the best view of other peoples' lives. which in turn makes you feel like they are always having so much fun being happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyNinja Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Facebook is going to make us all crazy!! I hear such things like, "He didn't comment on my wall. Is he still interested?", "My friend ignored my message on facebook. What am I to think?", "My best friend blocked me on facebook. I don't know what to do!", "I saw that my girlfriend has her ex on facebook as a friend. Are they seeing each other?" No comment I'm seriously considering deleting my account because it's soooo cheesy, unrealistic, and it's becoming a primary tool for communication between people who can easily pick up the phone, call and hear a real human voice! Not to mention all the drama that seems to occurring, lol. Until we meet again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imoutfront Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I can absolutely relate to this! I already have a problem in that I always compare myself to others. I feel like if I'm not doing the same things they are, or if I'm not at the same place in my life, then I'm somehow a failure. Facebook just kind of puts it in your face like that. I realize I'm wrong to feel this way, and I'm trying to get over it. But sometimes it's hard to see others in fun pictures, or writing exciting posts (new/better job, getting engaged, having a baby, etc...). Sometimes I get jealous when I see all of my old HS classmates, and see they've all graduated from college, have cool jobs, etc. I realize I'm kind of a late bloomer in many ways. Up until I was almost 21, I was convinced I'd never have a boyfriend, that I'd never be kissed. Then at almost 21, it finally happened. The relationship ended after a year, under really bad circumstances (he lied about his criminal court issues that I had no idea about, he cheated on me with several people throughout the relationship (with both women and men... I hadn't known he was bi), and it became apparent that if we moved in together, he would have taken advantage of me financially). For the longest time, I assumed that relationship happened to me because I somehow deserved it. Or that I didn't deserve better. Then I met other guys who treated me poorly, though not to the degree of my ex. And again, I assumed it to be my fault. But I realize now that if I really truly felt I deserved it, I would have stayed with those types of people. But instead I left them. Anyways, sorry, didn't mean to take this tangent. Basically, what I'm saying is, I can understand how it looks like everyone has it so easy, and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. But I try, try to remind myself that most people put on a facade, and not everything is what they appear to be. Heck, if I look over my own FB page, it looks like I'm making things out to be pretty sweet as well. So I guess we all do it. (Except for the Debbie Downers who's every post ends with "ugh, FML...") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucasky Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I can relate to this too. I can't count the times that I've looked at someone's profile and though "damn, I wish I was like them". On the other hand, I use my profile to shamelessly project a very fun/interesting/intelligent vibe that I probably exhibit less outside of Facebook. I had one girlfriend who admitted that she only adds so many photos of herself onto Facebook to make it appear as though she is a super socialite, while at the same time showing people she doesn't like that she doesn't need them to have fun. So in a sense, Facebook can be used as a means to make others feel inferior or excluded. That being said... I draw a lot of inspiration from people on FB too! So who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I agree with you, bebe84. In a way Facebook is like a filtered version of life, where you only see the very best of people. They can censor their posts so they seem happy all the time. You also get comments in person like "why didn't you comment on my new photos?", "why haven't you changed your relationship status yet?", "why didn't you wish me a happy birthday on facebook?" (even though you may have said it in person.) And it's like: who are you friends with - my profile or me? So it's not even about your relationship with that person, but how others might perceive your relationship that becomes important. A person can have hundreds of "friends" but truly, how many of them have you caught up with in the past year or two? How many of them would attend your funeral? I just think FB becomes more about how others might perceive you, rather than about expressing yourself and who you truly are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 for me, i don't usually compare myself to others (or at least, not too much). it can just hurt when you see there is some party or whatever that had tons of people there and you weren't invited - the photos look like the party was a huge blast, everyone is posting them. it's like, you thought you were friends, but obviously, you are not part of that 'inner circle.' looking at the photos, there were people that i introduced the hosts to! but i wasn't invited. and of course, you would never be like, 'why wasn't i invited?' so obviously, i didn't 'make the cut' which kind of hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Facebook can be so highschool. Sometimes I think people are better off without facebook. When if you wanted to know something about someone you asked them, but now all someone has to do is send a friend request, write on your FB wall on your birthday, and voila, they are magically now one your friends with hardly any effort on their part. No thank you. That's why I keep my list to family and real friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I can't say for sure if Facebook makes one sad, but I can say that I certainly was a lot happier once I got that monkey off my back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazeltears Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 After looking through people's photo albums I realized just how much I've been excluded from over the years. It really stings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 link removed here is an interesting article on facebook making us sad. I can relate. I felt this way when I saw that my friends (or people i thought were my friends) had a huge party and didn't invite me. but everyone else seemed to be there. it kind of makes you feel 'ughhh.....' You know, I feel this way when I see my old highschool friends have still kept in touch, go out together all the time, and were bridesmaids at one of the girls' weddings - and I barely know them anymore. Even though it was my choice for my reasons - it still makes me feel bad to see the "up-side only" of what I missed out on.. But in general - I do love it. I love seeing the baby pics and I like the funny updates and I like holiday pics.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 yeah, i guess that is the point of the article - you're never going to post ugly photos of yourself, or photos of your kid's poopy diapers or pictures of you sitting inside eating ice cream and watching TV or doing other boring things. you're only getting the best view of other peoples' lives. which in turn makes you feel like they are always having so much fun being happy. Ahh, but Annie - other people will post ugly photos of you for you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Ahh, but Annie - other people will post ugly photos of you for you.. lol, that is true. there are some photos people have put up that i'm not exactly thrilled with. but oh well.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muchacha_abril Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I hate Facebook too. I keep finding information that I'm not looking for about a guy I had a relationship with that ended up badly (I had an anxiety attack and lost any self-esteem I had). Now him and his band are succeeding and are about to start a month long tour in South America. It hurts 1) to see people get over you so easily and 2) see people achieve their dreams while you're still trying to figure out what the heck you want. Sometimes I wonder what it takes to make your dreams come true. Everyone seems so centered, so positive. Sure, there is a lot of people who are ridiculous, but then there are those that seem to be so passionate about the stuff they are doing, so pretty and so nice; without uncertainties, without fear or doubt. I hate FB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I do get the concept of sometimes feeling left out. I lived for several years in a wonderful city with great style and a great nightlife. Most of my closest friends are still there but I left a few years ago. Occasionally they will post a photo of them out for dinner, or being bridesmaids at each others' weddings, etc, and there's a part of me that wishes I could be there. But in regards to the article, if I see 20 pictures of someone smiling and having a good time, I'm not going to assume that they smile and have fun 24/7. You've got to use some common sense there. I don't agree that you're creating a character of yourself on fb. However, my fb friends aren't exactly the kinds of people who post albums and albums of themselves partying. We're kind of past that stage. Plus, isn't fb kind of dying out? I don't find that many people post a lot of pictures on there anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halfie Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 within my age group, facebook is like the new must have fashion accessory, even people who barely use it still have one and not just for the sake of it but because everyone else has one. Things like facebook that now and if not play a substantial role in our day to day lifes should deffinately be looked at. If you're only seeing the best of peoples lives, how dose this affect you're perception of real people in the flesh? Subconsciously, do you inherit a need for perfection yourself ? and if not, deny it, on the basis of protecting you're feelings about facebook? These are all questions but whats relevant is that facebook can cause people saddness I think we ALL have an inherit need to compare ourselves to others, so along with job titles, social class and socio economic status, what would you expect? this need comes out of social stratification and in itself is the root cause, imo. The people who feel short changed while reading over other peoples so called ''successfull' lives, ask you'reself, are they really worth it? Are these the type of people you want to let bring you down? I bet you if you confronted them and told them how their 'perfect' lives made you feel they'd laugh at you because their heads are so far uip their own arse. These people may be persuing jobs, bungee jumping, partying hard, but remember, they are all externally oriented and slaves of passion, their actions are really 'passive''. The highest form of mental and phycical activity there is, is to simply sit there, contemplate life and experience you'reself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2travel76 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 wow! your post made me feel SO much better (about myself and in general). I was feeling down because I looked up an old friend from elementary school and saw her profile pic which is of her and her handsome husband. I felt like a loser because I'm 34 and divorced from a man that I regret staying with and marrying. I felt like I had wasted my life. But now that you've put it into perspective, I feel better...THANKS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 yeah, i guess that is the point of the article - you're never going to post ugly photos of yourself, or photos of your kid's poopy diapers or pictures of you sitting inside eating ice cream and watching TV or doing other boring things. you're only getting the best view of other peoples' lives. which in turn makes you feel like they are always having so much fun being happy. I think if you can keep yourself realistic, then you won't be upset by it. I've never felt upset or hurt by facebook. I could really care less if I am not invited to so and so's party. I think it's great that people are going to parties or are going to concerts, etc. That's fun for them and I'm happy for them. I have my own life, too. I use facebook to stay in touch with people I can't regularly see. I also use it to meet and talk with others who have the same medical condition or parents of kids with the condition. The parents love seeing where I am with my condition and I can help them with what is to come for their child. People can be shallow and use facebook for what ever reason they want. We've all seen those pictures of girls posing with minimal clothing to get attention or the guys shirtless, showing off. That's what they choose to do, so that is their thing, but I won't get involved. I love facebook for what it has offered. It's a great tool to stay in touch with people, as long as people don't go overboard with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgirl Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I don't like to use Facebook and believe that humans are not yet evolved enough to handle the temptations of 'technology'. Personally, i believe that too much technology is bad for the human condition. What is going to happen to the human race if people can't really connect anymore? And, i'm not talking about connecting online, i am talking about forming real and lasting spiritual connections with people. Going out to lunch with a friend is worth 1000 x more than a post on facebook. Sorry, but i'm an non-believer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 yeah, i guess that is the point of the article - you're never going to post ugly photos of yourself, or photos of your kid's poopy diapers or pictures of you sitting inside eating ice cream and watching TV or doing other boring things. you're only getting the best view of other peoples' lives. which in turn makes you feel like they are always having so much fun being happy. If you're some how affected by how other people live, because you have low self esteem, then yes, I suppose seeing all the good in other people's lives will bring yourself down. however, I see it as looking through a photo album - all you are going to see are the memorable times, and some people take more pictures than others. Ultimately, it still comes down to having repsonsibility for monitoring your own emotions, and further, personal repsonsiblity for establishing and maintaining strong self esteem. If you're deleting your facebook right now because it's cheesy, unrealistic, and becoming the primary tool for communication, you're essentially cutting yourself out. what's unreaslitic is how many people take Facebook to mean more than it is - or overexaggerate it's purpose. The drama about who's friends with who is really a matter of maturity that existed long before facebook - we just didn't talk about it or know about it because those things we kept to ourselves - Facebook is only now bringing that immaturity [how we choose to respond to how other people behave] out where we can see it. In time, perhaps Facebook may even return personal accountibility to the scene, once everybody HAS to have an account to live. It could happen? I used to use AIM to talk to my roommate accross the room - he had headphones on and his attention was on his screen, so I didn't want to disrupt his zone - a simple IM was easy because he was already talking to other people anyway and it was very easy for him to simply reply to those messages - no misscommunicaiton, no interruptions, nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I don't like to use Facebook and believe that humans are not yet evolved enough to handle the temptations of 'technology'. Personally, i believe that too much technology is bad for the human condition. What is going to happen to the human race if people can't really connect anymore? And, i'm not talking about connecting online, i am talking about forming real and lasting spiritual connections with people. Going out to lunch with a friend is worth 1000 x more than a post on facebook. Sorry, but i'm an non-believer. We can connect at any time we wnat and go out to lucnh. What's cool about facebook is that if my old roommate, who I haven't seen in over 5 years, was to come back to this city, and I wanted to have lunch, and he left a facebook status that he'd be in town, we could do that. In the past, you simply left all your friends behind and eventually lost touch with people - which in a lot of parts, I guess this is a good thing because you could effectively "run away" from all your problems and start somewhere else all anew. If anything, facebook may force us to confront a number of issues we have been refusing to confront, in a way that finally gets us to a more mature level. We'll see where it goes. Remember, facebook is only a tool - it is the humans who are having issues!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I have no interest in Facebook...as a previous poster wrote..it is very high school. It is a popularity contest, it is about vanity with all the glamour shots and seductive photos that women put on, it is about thinking that everyone actually cares that you ate a chopped egg sandwich for lunch and just blow dried your hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaliyah Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Facebook is good in some ways but I found more issues with it than the good. I like it for the simple fact that it makes it easier to keep in contact with people you lost touch with over the years. I was able to find my best friend who I lost contact with when I moved in high school and we never exchanged numbers but I was able to find them on there so I will say that's it's help me reunite with people I would have never gotten in contact with again. On the flip side, it's creates too much drama for me and it's so superficial to me. It reminds me of how lonely I am. Mostly everyone post statuses about their great lives, the pictures and tags with your former college and high school friends all together at the parties,clubs and get togethers that you're never invited too. People posting pointless status messages to get attention and LIKES. People posting glamor pics so they can get attention. Also don't you hate that feeling you get when you add someone that you really thought you were cool with and they end up denying your friend request for whatever reason? Then it's easy to become a stalker, I keep looking at my ex's pages to see how they're doing and it hurts to see them moving on without you while you're still single which is a slap in the face.. I'm so glad I made the decision to delete my account this year.. I honestly don't miss it at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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