is once enough?

[danix0x0x0]

Well it hasnt changed much with my boyfriend he is still bringing up the whole issue about me seeing the ex for drinks only now its getting really boring and i am getting sick to my teeth!! We have been having the same arguements and when i meet up with him at the weekend, its starts off great then he has to make a snide comment and jokes and teases me about my ex. its getting old!!

 

Only this weekend was different. On saturday night we had a few beers together and was having a laugh but once again he brought up my ex and how i "BETRAYED" him, which i didnt because i didnt cheat on him and have only been honest with him but he wont see that. He got a new phone so he was transferring his numbers to his new phone when he decided to mention a friend of his, this girl that had a crush on him when we were dating at the beginning and she came onto him one night but he let her down. He decided to phone her and he knows i dont like her but he was chatting to her calling her " babes" and just really flirting and laughing. At this point i thought he was trying to rub me up the wrong way by making me jelous and i lost it i just started screaming and shouting and i was hitting him (not directly) more like flailing around while he was trying to restrain me. i was shouting in his face and just saw red and went mad.

 

All of a sudden he lifted me up and threw me accross the room, my mind went blank and it happened so quick... i cant even remember, i just remember being accross the room on the floor. Now he is a very tall guy and im tiny (only 4"9) and he is over 6 foot so maybe he just didnt realise how light i am... I just dont know what to do. i did push him to the limit but i really didnt think he would ever do that. He came over to me on the ground, i just couldnt stop crying and my head hurt really bad, i got a massive bump and bruising on my side. I think he was shocked by his behaviour but he just said you shouldnt have hit me... i react bad to that! But he just collapsed on the bed and started bawling, i went over to comfort him but i was in total shock i didnt know what else to do. He apolagized over and over and told me i didnt have to stay, that he would totally understand if i left but i didnt. i know he didnt mean it and he has never done that before but what do you think i should do.

 

I also want to just add he was abused by his father and his step father as a child.

 

Please any advice will be greatful... at the moment he has been very didtant and is not really texting me or phoning me.

[slhfgetlre]

ok well if i may id like to be honest with you. Meeting up with your ex for drinks is a bit dumb, Unless its a working professional relationship or you have kids and have to meet purely for the child there isnt really a need to meet up with him! I honestly dont know any normal human being that can 100% say they are happy for there gf to meet up with there ex for drinks, and when you put a person in the position where he has to be alright with then unfortunately he is going to erupt eventually!!!

However as far as the violence is concerned you need to leave this relationship be, He now knows that when you push him he can react and its ok for him to do so because he knows your not going anywhere, and it could become habit, without some professional help for both of you as a relationship i honestly cant see this just suddenly becoming a blissful relationship. If you do want this to work i suggest you give the ex some space x

[Lulu010]

Not only is he being violent he doesn't trust you either, it's not wrong meeting up with your ex if your just friends he's jumping to conclusions and he's only focusing on the negative side of things. Trust is most important in a relationship without it, it won't work.

[Callacova]

I don't think her bf is violent for throwing a person who is physically assaulting him

[danix0x0x0]

i just want to say i didn't "assault" him im not the one who gave him a bump on the head and a bruise all down his side!

 

In relation to the actual situation im in, i met up with my ex for a reason he had very important documents to give me in relation to my Nursing, he insisted that he should not post them to me because these were very important and he wanted to give them to me in person. i told my boyfriend about it and he was cool, yeah i stayed out a little bit too long with him but i just got chatting to my ex and afterall he was a big part of my life at one stage and i lived with him and was with him for three years but i dont have feelings for him and never will and this is what i keep trying to tell my boyfriend over and over.... i am not a liar and i am not a cheat, i am just a stupid girl sometimes who made a mistake in staying out a little too long with my ex... if i really did have feelings for my ex wouldnt you think i would have not let him know i was meeting him. if i was hiding something or i was guilty of playing away do you really think i would feel comfortable telling my bf about the meeting?? I love my boyfriend and he told me himself he will eventually get over it.

[charity]

i think with the jealousy and violence, its time to leave. it is ok to have drinks with your ex. even as friends. we are free people, not prisoners. it is really starting to annoy me all this petty jealousy about ex's. he behaved foolishly before the throw.you behaved foolishly too screaming and hitting, but he probably felt very angry and now you have the result of his anger. not every guy would have done this. i have pushed my ex to his limits, even getting physical which was so wrong but never did he harm me.

[capilot]

Once is more than enough. Put black widow spiders in his bed and move out.

[danix0x0x0]

you see i dont want to leave him because i know he will never do it again... and i know you are probably thinking i am just burying my head in the sand but i saw it in his eyes how regretful and ashamed he was, like he was just like a zombie for the rest of the evening after it, he was abused as a child so he know what it feels like to be the one in the crossfire but i know he has never done it before and i did drive him to the absolute edge and was just uncontrollable. I am not condoning what he did but its not like he punched me or kicked me while i was still on the ground, it was just a way for him to cut the rage in me and i think he didnt realise how little i am and that that force of strength in him was no match for my tiny frame. He shouldnt have done it at the end of the day but he said what triggered it was when i caught his face while i was flailing around, it wasn't a direct punch... i dont even know how to punch someone ive never had the opportunity to do so lol!

 

I dont know part of me thinks what if he brings up the whole ex thing again and we get into another argument... i can be quite fiery and go off on one. what if i push him too far again??? i just dont know what to do about this... i just want him to let it go and get over this ex business. Any more advice would be helpful???