low dopamine levels cause me to get infatuated and "addicted to love"?!

[babybear]

I read recently some scientific literature suggesting people who suffer with addictions and cravings have a built-in imbalance in their dopamine production, which leads to them seeking dopamine out through their behaviours. I am concerned I may be depleted in this chemical. I feel guys I am interested in and having sex with them produces a dopamine high for me. I basically reject every single guy who shows any interest in me if he does not produce a "dopamine high" for me. I never realised until now that that was what it was. I just thought it was a lack of infatuation and the zsa zsa zu... the spark... The guys that do give me a spark/dopamine rush - well i am like a mad person. I am able to show some restraint - as in I will "play the game" - never double-text them, often never text them until they text me, reply ages later etc etc. But I feel like I am on autopilot if they ask to see me, even if they are bad for me I feel literally unable to say no. I get a dopamine high just from receiving texts from these guys. I must add in the last 4 years the only guys to give me a dopamine high have been casual partners. So after I would leave them and go home I'd feel content for about a day then suffer a crash. I would then feel, depressed, withdrawal and crave to hear from them. I would check my phone every 10mins, sit online and hope they'd come on. If they did come on I would never talk to them first but then if they spoke to me I would get a dopamine rush.

 

As you can see these guys have an extreme effect on my moods and my mental state. They can reduce me to a crumbling crying mess or to insane eurphoric highs. It disturbs me because I truly feel when they contact me like saying no isn't even really an option when I am this infatuated. My friends have tried to stop me before when I was drunk from going back with one of these guys and at that moment, my friendships or nothing mattered to me more than going home with him. It's like I would do anything for "that high"

 

I'm aware I'm sounding like a total drug addict here. I need to add I am not addicted to drugs or smoking. I am 22 years old and do have issues with binge drinking that I am in counselling for. Other than that the only other addiction I have would be shopping I feel that is a bit of an issue because I can never save any money.

 

Anyway I am worried. i don't want these guys to have this much control over me. I want personal achievements to effect my mood. Is there anything I can do to sort all this out?

 

What are people's thoughts?

[pennyloafer2]

At the end of the day all sensations are chemicals in your brain. We search for those things that make us happy and give us peace. Sometimes it takes a while to learn what lasting happiness and peace are and how to get those things, until then you are chasing temporary highs. I think you can learn to maintain your brain chemicals at a nice level without chasing addiction or love-approval.

[lvrnftr11]

Very tough subject to approach and get good advice on. Unless you have actually experienced the actual high that I believe you are speaking of, others have no idea. They may think they do! I see the difference as being compared to being addicted to cigarettes compared to meth or heroin. Big difference!!! What you are talking about are chemicals in your body that take control of you! They cause you to think irrationally, to go out of your way to rationalize your behaviour to maintain or get that "fix" What is amazing is that these drugs are in all of us. We don't have to buy them on the street, see a doctor, steal, get a script. What an amazing thing the mind if we can control it! I will share mine since you shared so freely! Short version. Became obsessed with a woman I met, after she smiled at me in a public setting, never believed in love at first sight! this was not love but obsession. Never let my fantasies go down the road that we could ever be together, to many issues. The mature realist in me. The physical reaction I had was something I had never experienced before or since with another woman. We all know the feeling of joy I hope the one that goes beyond the mind but tingles through your entire body. NOT even close! If I can be more graphic as in orgasm (more chemicals) again not even! If I could enjoy that again, and be able to duplicate i,t I would give up sex and the pleasure that is for the rest of my days with a smile on my face.

Guess I can't bring the point any closer to home for you than that!!! Madness is what I have to tell myself. I have control issues the same as most and I have never given into things such as cigarettes, alcohol (I drink some) pot, any other drug! Ok some would say I am boring lol. But I know if I enjoy those things they would possibly take control of me. So now when I am feeling out of sorts or anxious or terribly stressed I can pause for a moment and remember that moment in time, and feel a calm come over me that is beyond calming(can only compare to the sense of well being after intercourse) If I need a great night sleep, I have something that I don't even have to get out of bed, or pay for, no physical side effects. It's been 6 years now. I said no physical side effects, emotional is another matter. I realize I am damaged merchandise for any future relationship. I am living in a fantacy, and have issues with starting another relationship because this was sooo over the top! I've gotten therapy and it has given me answers that I would never have realized on my own. So after saying all that babybear, don't be afraid to seek professional help. I know that I would have gone MAD thinking and trying to figure out things that are beyond our knowledge. The very best of luck!

[eatpraylove]

Yes, counseling should be very helpful, find out why you are "replacing" or obsessing in different ways to get what you need, this "high". We all have to give ourselves what we need but when haven't learned how to do that, we seek it from other people or things, which is why when the addiction is fed, the "low" hits again and the need to get "high" again is a never ending unhealthy cycle.

 

I'm in my own self-awareness journey and can relate to where you are coming from. Therapy has been great for me and so has replacing these unhealthy tendancies with healthy, naturally high hobbies/habits. Whereas I might have looked for guys to make me feel "good" and shopping or eatting bad foods to get that need/void filled...i've started working out and spending more time outdoors, in nature, getting some of that natural Vitamin D in me, spending time with good friends that won't lie to me or bring me down...have all been great alternatives for me.

 

Good luck!