Last night.

[MegaMike]

Ok before I begin I'll say a few things about the relationship I have been in with this girl.

 

We have been together for a year and one month, I'm 19, she's 18. The first 6 months of our relationship were amazing, we made each other so happy, and it never got old. We went that long without having a single fight, and over that period of time I fell in love with her, and I knew she loved me, no questions there. We shared everything with each other, there really isn't much we don't know about one another. It was like something out of a fantasy.

 

A short time after I graduated from high school, (she was one grade behind me) we became a little more distanced, and we had a few small, and big arguments over the next couple of months. She was mad at me for talking to a girl I graduated with via E-Mail, I showed her all of the messages that were sent back and fourth to prove that there was nothing shady going on, but even after seeing this she was still very upset with me. I did stop talking to this girl for some time after we discussed how she felt.

 

Not long after that I caught her on webcam with a guy she met on some forum chat room somewhere, she didn't have clothes on but she stayed covered with a blanket as far as I know. I asked her to no longer talk to this guy, I had seen some of their conversations prior to me finding out about the webcam thing and all I'll say is I did not approve of what was being said. I waited until I had enough information about what was going on until I confronted her. I think she stopped talking to him for a while, but got back into contact with him recently. I don't really care about that right now, though.

 

Before me and this girl met she was heavily into alcohol, ever since she was about 12 years old she has drank hard liquor. Sadly it was introduced to her through her father, the first drink she ever had was vodka. When we got together I talked to her about it and I got her to stop drinking, I also got her to stop smoking marijuana as well. After a while her life started to look up, and she got happy. We were happy together. She has had chronic depression for a long time, and for a while she managed to keep her head up.

 

Me and this girl have been through a lot together, I'm sure most of you can say the same thing about your past relationships. But I have helped her through so many struggles in her life, she was raped at the age of 13 by her best childhood friend, he was only a few years older than her. I've held her while she cried about being molested by her best friends father while she was passed out from drinking, and I was there for her when she cried because another one of her good friends tried to take advantage of her while she was drunk. I've relived all of this with her, and have done my best to comfort her, it's all I could really do.

 

I was able to see through all of the bad decisions she made in her life, I helped her pick herself up and get on the right track. She really is a beautiful person, she just fell in with the wrong crowd.

 

We got into a fight one night, this was about 4 months ago, and she began to smoke and drink again. She goes to party's every opportunity she gets.

 

I've tried and tried to get her to stop doing these things because they put a lot of damage on our relationship, it basically ripped us apart from each other. I have tried everything to get her to stop, but she refuses.

 

More recently, we spent last Wednesday together, and there was an awkwardness between us the whole day, I tried to get her to hug or kiss me for around 3 hours, but she just sort've shrugged me off, and even though she was with me all day, she wasn't really with me at all. I drove her home around 8:30 that night, and I usually stay until 9:30 or 10, but she asked me if I would like to just go home, and I did.

 

OK, so here's where last night comes in.

 

As I said above, she has gotten back into partying every weekend, drugs, drinking, etc. Her friends have never liked me because I got her to stop doing all of these things at the start of our relationship. They got her drunk last night, and talked her into calling me over the phone to break up with me, they made her feel that since I talked to that girl through E-Mail I graduated with that she needed to break it off with me. Keep in mind that I have not talked to this girl since November of last year, she basically got mad at me AGAIN for something we've already been through. Even knowing that there was nothing inappropriate being said between me and this girl.

 

What do you all think? I want her back... she's my world..

[dramallama]

Her friends didn't force her to drink or to break up with you - that was her choice. If she's that easily swayed into making big decisions like that, then it's best that she isn't your girlfriend. But IMO it was her choice to do that. You tried your best to encourage her to stay on the path of moderation, but it seems at this point you are looking for different things in a partner. She's still young and wants to get the partying thing out of her system. This phase can last well into her twenties. You're better off looking for someone that has the same attitude to subtances as you do. And about you emailing that girl, your ex seems a bit emotionally immature to bringing it up again, and I don't believe for a second that she wouldn't have pulled down her blanket to give her online admirer a peep show.

 

Even if she didn't start drinking again, for whatever reason she doesn't want to be with you, so you have to respect that. She wants to paint you as the bad guy so that she has an excuse to dump you. That's fine, but if you know you did nothing wrong and can say that with a clear conscience, don't justify yourself or apoglogise anymore. Do not stick around hoping for crumbs from her. Hanging around as friends afterwards with your ex does not work. It only makes them take you for granted, and comes accross as needy (not attractive).

 

Start NC and block her from facebook (yes, blocking from FB or at least removing as a friend). If you do bump into her, treat her like a stranger - polite but distant and non-chalant. Don't return any of her texts or calls. She wanted a break-up so she needs to learn what it is like to not have you. In most cases where the dumpee did nothing wrong and goes NC, the dumper will re-think their decision. It doesn't mean she will necessarily come back to you, but No Contact and Non-chalance is your best chance at reconciliation/moving on.

[MegaMike]

I'm very sorry for making such a long post.. but this is getting really deep and I really need advice.. Thanks to anyone who is willing to read all of this and give me some voice on whats going on...

 

Ok, since she broke up with me Friday night a lot has happened. Before I get started here, there were a few things I left out of my last message that didn't come to mind.. probably because she had just broken up with me. I'll fill in the holes now..

 

Sunday of last week, 6 days before she broke up with me, my best friend died in a car accident, so I was already in a lot of pain from that, and it was a time that I needed her most. I seen her Teusday and Wednesday after my friend died, and she did try to comfort me, Thursday was the day of my friends service, and at first she said she would go with me to his service but at the last second she changed her mind and didnt come. This was the last time I would see or speak to her before she broke up with me.

 

Thursday she spent the night with her best friend, and her friend took her to that party Friday night, when she broke up with me.

 

Saturday, a little while after I made that first post, I got kicked out of my house.. I wont say why, but things just kept falling apart in my life.

 

I got to go back home Monday, and as I logged into my messanger she sent me a message to check my myspace, and I did. This is the message she sent me. I'll copy/paste it without changeing it at all.

 

" Since I broke up with you, I think you deserve an explanation of why. Let's just say that I'm going through a very tough time right now, and I don't know how long this phase will last. It really hurts to be away from you, to think of you. All I can do is cry. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I broke up with you because I need time to clear my head. I'm really messed up and I can't handle a relationship right now. And we both know we needed a break from each other. But all I'm asking is that you bare with me. I'm trying to fix things, I'm trying to make it all better. I'm trying to make good choices.It's so hard to put these things in words.That's usually your thing, not mine.

Even though you said that you dont want to see me or actually spend time with me, I was thinking that maybe one day this week we could probably go to the bowling alley, i'll pay $5 for gas or more and i'll pay for maybe four or five games of pool.

But it's all up to you and I'll understand it if you don't want to see me... Just think about it.

But know that I love you and I always will.

Please don't think that I don't love you. "

 

I messaged her back right away, it was early in the morning because I have college at 9AM on Monday. She didn't read it until later that afternoon.

 

" I know your going through a hard time right now, and I dont want you to think that I'll be away for good, or that I'm not here to talk to you. It really bothers me to know your just crying, I wish I could comfort you in some way, but right now I dont think I'm what you need in order for you to feel better, I dont think you even know what you need to feel at peace. If you need to clear your head, go ahead and take the time you need to do that, I know you feel like everythings a mess right now, and I know if I were to tell you the meds you are taking right now are making your thoughts all jumble up you probably wouldn't think all of your mixed feelings right now are credited to the meds. I'm sure theres a lot right now thats on your mind, more than I know, but in all of this confusion right now, try not to forget that there are people who love you, and of course I'll wait for you to get through this, and you know that I'm here for you if I can in any way help you. The bowling alley sounds nice, let me know when it would be a good time for you go, since I really dont have anything to do this week any time works for me. Maybe this would do the both of us some good. I love you too "

 

In my first post I think I told you she has chronic depression, but she has only been taking anti depressants since December 16th of last year, and I realize that this is the time all of our problems seemed to originate from. What if this is all because shes taking a lot of very powerful medication? And she likes to drink alcohol.. Her medication mixed with alcohol is a deadly combination.. She has tried to kill herself in the past, before she knew me.. I'm afraid of what could happen because of this..

 

Anyway, we ended up going out (yesterday) Monday night, we played some pool and went out to eat. She told me a few jokes to make me laugh, she tried to be funny, sarcastic, etc.. I did laugh, it was a great time together. She wanted to go back to my house, and I wasn't really sure where it was gunna go. She lifted one of her feet up in the air to show me she was wearing an ankle bracelet I bought for her some time back, and half an hour before I drove her home, we held eachother on the couch, both of us cried. We kissed, hugged, all of the stuff we would do before we broke up, it was the tightest we had held eachother in a long time. The time came to take her home, I stayed at her place for a little while, she walked me out by my vehical and gave me a hug goodbye. I drove home, not sure what to think..

 

Before I left her house I took a few Ibuprofen PM pills to get rid of a headache, and help me sleep. I wasn't able to stay awake long enough to really talk to her on messanger, not long after I got home I fell asleep on the couch. I told her good night, and fell asleep.

 

I woke up today and looked on my messanger expecting to see something from her, and there was something.. this is what she said.

 

" *Angel*: mike i really need to talk to u about everything that hqppeneed today. i had a great time and all

*Angel*: but

*Angel*: i dont think i can handle it if it happened again

*Angel*: that was probably the last time

*Angel*: anything is going to happen....

*Angel*: when u wake up please read what i wrote ^^^ "

 

I've written her a little back, but I'm beggining to have my doubts of if she is going to want to get back together. After everything that happened last night, it felt like we really re-connected. And the whole idea to go out yesterday night was hers, I didn't put any pressure on her to make that decision at all.. so I'm really confused..

 

There is not another man in her life, she hasn't been talking to anyone that way.. I dont know what to do?

[Carlsongs]

Hang in there Mike. If you love her and want to be with her. You cant change her or the past. You have to be her best friend and go with the flow. Trying to vocally change her to what you expect is a total turn off. She sounds like she is very upset about your emails with this other girl. You did the right thing by breaking that off. It will take time for her to get over it. Be patiant my friend. It will all come together eventually. But its up to you to be cool and calm. Dont ever bring up her mistakes and she will forget your mistakes as well. Its like Jesus forgiving you for your sins. Let it go and start over. Good luck my friend

[MegaMike]

Thank you Carlsongs, it's words like yours that really keep me going.. I'm doing my best.

 

I know I can't change her, what she does is her decision and I have always respected that, I let her know I didn't like that she would go out and drink with her friends, but thats all, the decision was always hers. Her past is something she isn't happy about, I was always the one she came to to talk about those sorts of things.

 

She was very upset about the E-Mails, but that happened over a month before she broke up with me, and I cut contact off.. ( There was nothing innapropriate in the E-Mails..? ) That isn't really significant in my eyes.. I don't think that was her real reason in breaking up with me. I just want her to know that I'll always care about her, and to not shut me out.. but I'm not sure about what I can do in this situation we're in..

 

She really has me confused, she wants to come back over to my place in about an hour and 30 minutes from right now.. I'm going to talk to her tonight about us and see if I can't figure any of this out..

 

I'm not the one trying to get her to come over, which is why I'm confused. She broke up with me while she was drunk, on the phone.. Yet she still wants to spend so much time with me, we kissed, and cuddled, last night.. She told me that probably wont ever happen again, I dont know what to think.. She has been leaving hints that she wants to spend time with me left and right...

[MissSMcc]

it sounds to me like she had some dumpers remorse and reached out to you by inviting you to play pool etc. you went, and ended up cuddling, kissing, and being loving to each other. now she is back to not wanting to have a relationship. basically she got her fix of what she needed from you (love, comfort, attention), and now she feels able to be on her own again. sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just the way i see it.

[Imtheretoo]

It sounds horrible MissSMcc, but I agree.

 

It is very possible she felt terrible about the way she broke up with you and this was her way to ease her own guilt and make things easier on you. I'm sorry for this. The best advice I can give you right now is be a friend to her, and see her through this chaotic time. There is nothing but uncertainty in a situation like this, there are many psychological factors in play than just emotional strain from your relationship. If this becomes too difficult for you, you do have the option of walking away and taking care of yourself. I think something much more traumatic than this would be if she were to get better, because of your perseverance, and come to the realization she is better off without you or with someone else.

 

Be careful. Best of luck and I sincerely hope everything works out for the better.

[MegaMike]

Thank you for your input, both of you. I dont think thats what she's up too. I just took her home about 15 minutes ago, and today was so perfect.

 

She got here probably around 5:30pm, and by 6 she looked at me and said

 

" I'm a little sleepy, can we take a nap? "

 

I looked at her, smiled, and said ok. Then I asked her if she wanted to nap on the couch or in my room, and she said she'd rather sleep on the bed. So we went to lay down, she put on her youtube playlist and fell asleep in my arms for a little over an hour. I ran my fingers through her hair like I normally would, rubbed her back, after a while she woke up she said

 

" I promised myself I wouldn't come over here today "

 

I told her " I guess you just can't stay away for too long " with a big smile on my face, and she looked at me, smiled, and said " your right, I'm happy I came "

 

We just layed in bed until around 9:30, I took her home and we watched something on TV until 10, she walked me out, gave me a big hug and a kiss, said I love you for the first time in over a week, and then I left. Now we're on messanger watching cute videos of talking parrots.

 

Everything seems to be going good for now, I have a great valentines day planned for her.

 

We didn't talk about seeing each other tomorrow, so I don't know for sure if we will, but it's still up to her. I know not to get my hopes up.

[Imtheretoo]

I'm glad that you had a terrific day and I sincerely hope that everything works out, but just don't let yourself become too attached considering she is holding the keys to your relationship. At any given moment, on a whim, she can decide not to see you for whatever reason. Just give her space and she'll come back to you if that is what she decides, but make sure you're re-established instead of just the dependable guy that she knows won't abandon her.

[Carlsongs]

I think thats great Mike. Hang in there buddy. Be strong and let her see your strenth. Woman love strong men. Always remember it takes 2 to make a relationship work. My girlfriend bought a book on relationships and we both read it together. I think it has helped us think about how important it is to communicate at a calm state of mind. Good luck my friend

[MegaMike]

She spent another night with me tonight, just took her home. It was really cold outside when I went to pick her up from her house, so we got under a blanket as soon as we got inside. She didn't get here until around 5:30pm again, she fell asleep like last night, and we listened to a playlist of nothing but our songs as we slept.

 

I opened my eyes, seen the clock and it was time to leave. I told her, and she said she didn't want to go home yet, stayed an extra hour before I drove her home.

 

She told me she wanted to come back over tomorrow before we pulled into her drive way, I walked around the vehical to let her out and before she walked in her door she surprised me with a huge hug and a kiss, and as she was walking away she told me she loves me, again.

 

She seems so happy again.

 

I think that within the next three or four days we'll be official again, we haven't been the way we are right now since July of 2010, seems like we just went back six months in the relationship.