makayla Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hey everyone, my situation is kind of sticky. I broke up with my ex and have been NC for two weeks now. I blocked him on facebook and told him to stop sending me personal messages. He sent me an email early this week to check up on me (despite me telling him to back off) but I didn't reply. The problem is we are not exactly NC, because we have to keep in touch for a project that we were working on (it's a university project.. so rather important) but I try to keep it as limited as possible. E.g. I would send my professor an email and cc it to him since he needs to know about it. I feel that after me not replying his email, he will not contact me personally again. Which is good, I need that to move on. I seem ok on the surface but I know that deep down I'm still hurting. And this week I've been feeling like I really need the physical attachment and in my mind I still think about having sex with him etc... I don't know how to stop myself doing it. Hence, I made out with some guy at the club yesterday but it was terrible. I woke up this morning and watched our sex video and masturbated to it. I don't know if it's what I should be doing but afterwards I really felt more soothing. I deleted some of our photos together so I don't look at those anymore. Basically I do everything that I should be doing apart from watching the sex video.. though I don't know if I should do that. I think that in my mind I'm trying to reduce him to a physical level instead of an emotional one (which we shared). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSandullo Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 If it helps healing, i would delete and redirect fantasies elsewhere. For a while after my bu, i too pleasured myself to pics of her. Not satisfying. It was liberating once all emotional and sexual stimulus was removed. I suggest you do the same. TS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think many of us do still fantasize recollect the intimate memories of our ex partners when there is no one else there. Even when they are long gone. They were memorable moments. But to go as far as watching the video maybe something else. I couldn't watch any of the sex videos my ex and I made afterwards but I think it just depends on the person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvrnftr11 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 It sounds like you know what needs to be done. I don't know about the whole thing of reducing him to just a physical pleasure with out the emotional attachment.(hope i am understanding correctly) I think you are attempting to put things in a perspective for your future. We all enjoy pleasure, but even pleasure that does not involve or affect another, is not always good for us in the long run. We all can become obsessed or addicted to things or people if we allow it to take control.(cognantive thinking) I would love to. share my experiences, but in the end you need to live your life as you see it. If I could share one thing that I believe whole hearted, and that is try to maintain a balance of EVERYTHING! in life, nothing in excess!!! You need only look around you to see the results of out of balance! The best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissSMcc Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 maybe it was soothing because it was familiar, as opposed to the stranger you made out with. its perfectly normal to try and hang on to the familiar, i think us humans in general don't like change much. but you know at some point you will have to let this tape go, and embrace a new (and different) relationship, only when you are ready though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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