rhd7 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 How do you know when you find "the one" Granted at my age I shouldn't be worrying about this, but I want to know. Anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I believe we have multiple 'ones'. Now I do believe their is the ultimate one in which no one else compares to, and to that all I can say is when you know you know. Then again, some people believe that to be a crock. I personally just think they haven't experience it yet if that's their mindset. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 ^I agree in the belief of multiple 'ones'. I think there are many indications but when two people can have a very respectful, understanding, have similar long term goals and willing to sacrifice for each other unconditionally, then it's a very good sign IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhd7 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I'm getting very frustrated with relationships. It seems like the few I've been in I've given 100% and always ended up being hurt in the end, I'm worried this is a never ending cycle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Everyone has crap relationships. I'm a firm believer in you have to have horrible relaitonships in order to truly apprectiate a good one. You just haven't found someone that is willing to give 100% of themselves to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhd7 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well my last relationship was actually great...I was very happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I knew because I felt done looking (big deal for me as I had been looking for over 20 years) and because I felt at home with him. There is more as to "why" and "how" but the "you will just know" I find is not true all the time and not of much help to those who ask the question you did. Edited to add - to me "done looking" was not because I was so smitten beyond belief that I knew I had found perfection and there could never be another - I had had that feeling before -and what I mean here is that the "done looking" didn't come from being smitten -I was smitten -major sparks/chemistry, magic -but the "done looking" came from a place of solidity, not dependent on being smitten -from a deeper more secure place where it wasn't based on "because you're perfect and I cannot believe I found you and you want me". I could believe, I knew he wasn't perfect - obviously you can comparison shop your whole life -it was a feeling plus a decision that I was done looking despite the logical "truth" that of course there could hypertechnically be someone "better" out there - but I didn't care, or care to look. I was done --- and ready for the new beginning (also important -marriage or "the long term" isn't an ending but a beginning in so many ways). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well my last relationship was actually great...I was very happy. Why did it end? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhd7 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Why did it end? I guess she just couldn't see a future with me and found it pointless to keep dating me; it was hard because I treated her very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I guess she just couldn't see a future with me and found it pointless to keep dating me; it was hard because I treated her very well. It's hard. Like Batya said, she looked for 20 years. Sometimes you get lucky and find them young, sometimes you don't. ALL relationships are trial and error. Did you guys have the same goals in life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhd7 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Actually yes, we were both planning on attending the same local college(by chance) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 OP- sure I wish I had found him earlier -since in reality, I did -we dated in our late 20s then broke up for 8 years -but I know I am lucky to have had some of the experiences I had which I wouldn't have had I married young -I was engaged at 23, we broke up (different guy!)and then I went on to pursue a grad degree and successful career plus I had long term relationships with some amazing people. I definitely wasn't unlucky, that's for sure. I thought my high school boyfriend was the one -we planned how many kids we'd have and how many bathrooms (since we both grew up in small homes!) - we went to each other's proms.... but we were 19 and 20 when we ended things and now I know - yes, he was the one for me all during high school - at that phase of my life he was perfect for me- but the way I grew/changed in my 20s and 30s -I doubt we would have made a good match for the long term. Sure many can decide and know from early on who is right for them - my parents for example, my best friend from high school, etc but it's not essential nor are you necessarily lucky if you settle down earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I agree with Batya and this is why I say their are multiple ones. There is always 'the one' during a certain phase in your life, sometimes that 'one' ends up being your only one, sometimes they don't. My ex was 'the one' for me in my teenage years. I knew we would never marry (so many problems) but he was what I was looking for at that point in my life. If you only believe in one 'one', you are setting yourself up for failure I believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Actually yes, we were both planning on attending the same local college(by chance) Usually if you have the same goals, beliefs, wants in life it's a very good start for that person to be the "one". The "one" is really just someone whom you are very compatible with. If you are both looking to get married, both want kids, both want x, y, and z. Then you are pretty much set, granted that both of you are respectful and loyal. You really have to know yourself first before finding the one who is right for you. It takes good self-knowledge to have a healthy relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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