Is a guy who still lives with his parents unattractive or a turn off?

[ALM]

I'm 22 years old and am generally bummed about things at the moment. I'm normally optimistic about my life without losing sense of the reality of what goes on in my life. However, lately I've just been a little bummed out because of several things. Since I started dating at 14, I've met maybe 3 decent girls and they all had/have boyfriends. Every girl I meet turns out to have an extreme amount of melodramatic BS over the smallest things or are just plain bats**t crazy and I'm wondering if maybe its more me than anything else when it comes to the fact that I can't seem to meet a decent girl to at least be friends, let alone in a real relationship, with that I get along with is my fault or something.

 

I still live with my parents and I work part-time at a store that is #1 in our region and is second only to WalMart in our area. I just got hired there this past November. All of my money goes to my bills. I have to pay for my car loan (I own my car), gas, insurance, and I willingly help my mother as much as I can with bills. Even together we both barely make it and she works two jobs. The job market in my area is the worst in the district and I cannot seem to find a second job. So I spend most of my spare time, minus one day a week to relax and do nothing, doing volunteer work to help starving children and families in my city.

 

I do not go to college, I cannot afford it and do not want to take out a loan since I do not want to gamble with a job market that may not improve by the time I get out. Being stuck with several thousand dollars worth of debt plus being unable to find more than a $15,000/year job. I've tried once but my financial situation at that time was got even more restricting to allow me to go to college than it is now. At that time, I worked two jobs. I wound up laid off one job and at the first job, I had a manager who quit and was replaced with one that didn't like when anyone had an objection to anything he said. So the first small reason he could find, he fired me for (I was not the only one it was one before me and two others after). I was forced to drop out before the half-way point of the semester (I was going full-time) because I couldn't even afford to go even one day per week with how tight my finances were. So now I am also paying back the grant and am no longer applicable for a grant of any type.

 

I do plan on going back eventually. I have aspirations to go into the mental health field as a councilor and my back-up is management in a retail store. During my first interview with the manager of the store (i'm just an associate) I work at, he told me that based on what he has heard from me and the work references I listed on my application that I am "definitely management material".

 

I take pride in everything I have and try to work towards what I don't. But I'm worried that I won't really meet a girl that will actually see past the whole "Lives with his parents=Loser" stereotype and actually focus on what I just said. Or does it really not matter what I say in this case?

[Anonymous122]

I mean, the excuse you gave for not going to college isn't a good one. Student loans can be deferred for as long as you need (up to 3 years), you can do 20 year payment plans, income-based repayment (IE, if you make a tiny amount of money, they match your payment to your income) and all student loan interest is tax deductable. Having no money, I'd imagine, will be a barrier to getting involved with someone.

[Seymore]

A 22 year old who lives with his parents? I thought a lot of people your age lived with their parents...? Other than that, it sounds llike you work and are responsible, so I dont see why getting a girl would be an issue.

[In the Dark]

The theory is that a man who lives with their parents, is not going to be a good provider.

As in they will not be able to look after themselves let alone look after their partner which believe it's not necessary but it s.

 

At your age there are guys who are "independent" as in living win apartments with other people but are they living or surviving living "the life" while putting themselves in to more and more debt pretending to look like what they are not?

 

Don't give into the pressure which is put upon guys for needing there own apartment tobe worthy of dating.

.

[Circe]

At 22, no it's not a turn off. Past 25 - yes.. it's a turn off (personally).

[Seymore]

At 22, no it's not a turn off. Past 25 - yes.. it's a turn off (personally).

 

Ok, let me ask this, then...what if the guy was with his folks for a couple more years - say, until age 27, BUT, did so only to save enough for a down payment on a condo/house, instead of tossing it away on an apartment. Would you still find that a turn off?

[coyote1980]

It depends on where you live, too. but if you are from the states, living with parents after college gets a bit questionable, but considering this horrible economy,

I'm pretty sure things are changing. Lots of my friends had to move back in with their parents/roomates or rent out their rooms.

 

but who cares you still live with your parents? You currently have no choice. If the girls can't see it, then they aren't worth dating.

[In the Dark]

It is indeed to pressure placed upon men to have the premises which females do not.

Been like that for quite a while.

And who want s their parents in the same house when their GF is wanting to have sex with them?

[ALM]

I mean, the excuse you gave for not going to college isn't a good one. Student loans can be deferred for as long as you need (up to 3 years), you can do 20 year payment plans, income-based repayment (IE, if you make a tiny amount of money, they match your payment to your income) and all student loan interest is tax deductable. Having no money, I'd imagine, will be a barrier to getting involved with someone.

How exactly isn't it a good reason for not going to college? In order for me to go to classes, I'll have to drive 25 miles per day. That on top of the bills I had then/have now, I was barely scraping by. I lose both my first and second job and, therefore, my only means of gaining money so I am forced to make a decision: stay in college and get into severe debt or drop and stay out until I can get bills settled.

 

I don't see not wanting to pay back a loan but still aspiring to try whatever else I can do to get back in when my temporary bills (car loan and grant re-payment) are payed off. Which will be within two years.

 

A 22 year old who lives with his parents? I thought a lot of people your age lived with their parents...? Other than that, it sounds llike you work and are responsible, so I dont see why getting a girl would be an issue.

Those are normally my thoughts, on top of the confidence and knowledge that I have potential and am actually doing what I can given my current circumstances to work towards rising up.

 

The theory is that a man who lives with their parents, is not going to be a good provider. As in they will not be able to look after themselves let alone look after their partner which believe it's not necessary but it is.

 

At your age there are guys who are "independent" as in living in apartments with other people but are they living or surviving living "the life" while putting themselves in to more and more debt pretending to look like what they are not?

 

Don't give into the pressure which is put upon guys for needing there own apartment to be worthy of dating.

I see it as necessary to be able to take care of myself, but I don't get why it seems that it is "He is a great guy and I haven't seen anything I don't like yet besides him living with his parents because he cannot afford to live on his own...Screw him, no chance for him." At least, those are the girls I keep running into.

 

It depends on where you live, too. but if you are from the states, living with parents after college gets a bit questionable, but considering this horrible economy,

I'm pretty sure things are changing. Lots of my friends had to move back in with their parents/roomates or rent out their rooms.

 

but who cares you still live with your parents? You currently have no choice. If the girls can't see it, then they aren't worth dating.

Yeah, I live in the US. The thing is, it seems I have to explain my financial situation and everything before I mention I'm living with my mother. It is literally just me and my mother, everyone else in my family is God knows where or has passed away.

 

It is indeed to pressure placed upon men to have the premises which females do not. Been like that for quite a while.

Too much pressure on men, if you ask me. A woman that actually goes after a man rather than waiting for the man to come to them is more or less an urban myth to me as I've never met a single girl that does more than dress up and wait for a guy to approach.

 

And who wants their parents in the same house when their GF is wanting to have sex with them?

I had two GFs that didn't care since my mother actually respects my privacy and, when my mother is home, doesn't pry her nose in the door, especially when I have company over. The most she does is text my phone if my door is closed and even that is an occassional thing. The people my mother bought the house from soundproofed the room that is my bedroom because their son loved drums and constantly banged on a set he wasted his money on lol. My mother's room is on the far opposite side of the house and works from 6am til 9pm. Which is one of the reasons why I do all the dishes, laundry, trash, grocery shopping, and everything else. When I was younger I took her for granted so I see it as the least I could do.

[Guest]

I agree with one of the earlier posters about college. A college degree is getting to be what the high school diploma was a few years ago--bare minimum requirement. Even with a retail job, you'll need at least a college degree if you don't want to get passed up on promotions. Furthermore, college is still seen as a time of exploration. Thus, whatever concentration you graduate in will not shoe you into a career in that path necessarily.

 

Now, graduate school, that's a different story. And your reasons for not going to college are more suited for not going to graduate school in this economy. Graduate schools will shoe you in. Many are tied into some professional certification prior to entering the workforce in that vocation, or you will get locked in to a path in academia (depending on what your graduate studies are in).

 

You should go to college. At the very least, you can form networks. If you're real lucky, you'll find people to partner up with to enter an entrepreneurial venture.

[ALM]

I plan on going back to further my education, just not yet since I have several temporary bills that must be paid off. Besides, I want my knowledge of psychology and mental illnesses to go towards something rather than just be something I can talk about. I've spent a lot of time independantly studying psychology, counseling, mental illnesses and disorders, as well as physical illnesses that could mimic symptoms of mental illnesses and disorders. My senior project was a research paper on a subject I specifically chose, Schizophrenia in Children (Focused on ages 6 through 12). I went over possible and known treatments, possible and known causes, what it is, the difference between Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder, so on and so forth. It was meant to be an 8-page paper at most, talked my instructor into allowing me to do 12 pages instead since she knew of my tendency to get carried away and the passion I have for the psychological field.....I typed (I don't write) 34 pages (I got very carried away lol), single-spaced, not counting the Works Cited/Bibliography. Needless to say, I had to cut it down as much as I can (however, I handed in the 34-page paper first for laughs). Much of my paper was based on my knowledge, but with several references backing my knowledge up and I'm happy to say I learned a lot more on the subject in my research.

 

I'm far from considering just dropping the chance of learning more and earning my shot at a job that grants me the ability to use that knowledge.

[RedDress]

I agree with the others. You should be in school.

 

I understand not wanting to go into debt. The thing is... your math doesn't add up. Let's say that college takes 3 years and that you need a minimum of 15k/year to live.

- Let's say that you make 20k/year now and you have 5k debt. By 2013, you say that you will break even. Ok... but then you still have college to pay for. Are you planning to take a few extra years to save for college? And you still need 3 years to complete it. So, by 2016 (or later, because you still have to pay for college) you have 0 debt but also 0 work experience.

- Let's say that you made $0 now and racked up 45K debt. You make 50K a year in 2014 & 2015. If you live on your minimum 15k/year to live, you can pay off your 45K debt and have money left over.

 

College is an investment.

 

The only problem with college debt is that:

a) People tend not to live on a short budget when they get out to pay off their debt because they are excited about their new money. My answer = have discipline.

b) You have to invest wisely. You said you are worried about the economy. There are some jobs (such as nursing) that the economy hasn't really hit. They are still in high demand. It's true that if you invest in a basket weaving degree it's not a good investment. My answer = choose your major wisely.

 

There are also other ways to get you to your goal faster. Go into a trade! Trades are also in high demand, require minimal schooling (and therefore debt) but will get you to that higher salary level faster (which will allow you to save more).

 

It's great that you are passionate about learning. But there are more efficient ways to get to your goal.

[LightbulbSun]

At 22, it's not a turnoff.

 

And in this economy, it wouldn't be that weird, anyways.

[In the Dark]

Because this is an expectation.

I personally couldn't give a damn if the girl is living at home with their parents and doesn't have a college degree.

 

This does not equal to who the person is yet I have met women I personally pursed who get really down on themselves just because they are living at home and make a huge deal out of it and have not been able to convince them otherwise when there is no reason to be.

It wasn't stopping me from wanting their companionship.

 

Values can be very superficial and up there in line with with who the person is.

 

Again this has been the way the World works for years.

The man is expected to put themselves up for rejection while the female retains their dignity.

In fact I had a friend on here who responded to my thread and said her honest reason which was indeed the fear of rejection.

Next thing you know more women came out of the closet and posted on the thread saying the exact same thing.

SO yes it is the same fear as what men have it's just through tradition we are the ones who have to take it while the females who do not get asked out get upset about it, post here and refuse to be pro-active about dating.

 

Yet there are indeed women out there who do ask out men, as I have been asked out.

But this does not mean the majority or even 50/50 unless you someone too perfect to pass up.

 

Yeah at younger ages females do not care as the thought is there are many men at a younger age still living at home so those girls who didn't not care would most likely had this in their thoughts too.

Of course hoping you will get your own apartment sooner rather than later.

But there are instances where you two become so close that you decide to get an apartment together.

 

Happens.

[SpiritofFire]

It really depends on individual if you ask me. Everyone has diffirent expirience and of course expectations along with it. I personally will try to stay as long as I can with my family to help them out, but when times comes along to move along I will do that. Personally it doesn't bother me, because I understand the circumstances and I understand the reasoning behind dillema moving out. If you can manage to find that person who understands your reasoning and perhaps been their themselves you won't have problems. But there are some individuals whose been solo for so long they won't understand what you are doing. If I did it, I can't see why cant you. What I am trying to say is to each it's own. Many are trying to escape their parents houses and feel a lot more comfortable if you have your own place. More room to grow perhaps.

[ALM]

I've got another question here, which is actually more important? Real intelligence on a subject or a just degree in that subject? Out of the five people I've talked to with degrees in mental health, I've shown I know more about every part of the subject me and the person have a debate on. Those three people seemed to have no knowledge on the subject, just the degree. I'm more of a listener than a talker and asked them questions but they can never answer them or give run-around answers that basically show me they don't know. The other two I still talk to because we can have true intellectual conversations and debates.

 

I know being able to support yourself is big, but I don't see exactly why a degree is deemed as a symbol of knowledge on the subject when not everyone remembers what they were supposed to have learned in their studies. Like a piece of paper is more important than true knowledge of the subject. So really, would you rather someone with a degree and a great job but clearly knows nothing about that subject or a guy who has knowledge of the subject and actually will be working toward their potential rather than just sitting around on their butt waiting for their break to be handed to them? Degree with great job or knowledge with determination to get the degree and job?

[Stay_home]

Living at home shouldn't be an ultimate deal breaker unless a person just has no enthusiam whatsoever. At any point, any of us can lose our job, lose our home, go through a divorce, fall on hard times - anything and wind up having to move back in with our parents. So personally, I think it's a bit superficial and foolish to judge somebody without looking at the full picture.

[In the Dark]

A degree.

 

Yes you have found out you know more than these people who people will say are smarter than you and will go to them first before you.

 

You spend the money or get yourself in debt for something you already have vast knowledge in yet these people who decided to do the degree for the money and basic interest in being in mental health are put in front of you despite having no life experience or true understanding in it besides what they have read from books to pass their degree.

 

Frustrating huh?

 

This is the way the World works.

 

Degree=They have studied there fore know what they are on about

Although you and I know that is not necessarily true when they do not know how to apply the knowledge they have read about.

 

Life experience=Knowledge and understanding, but someone with just this and no stamped piece of paper will have it a lot harder to get a job then someone who has the paper.

 

It's like proof and a status people are in awe of.

To say you have a degree makes you appear smart.

What is said by the person with the degree will be listened to regardless of saying the wrong thing, or nothing which makes clear sense.

 

The person without the degree but has the direct spot on answers will be taken with a grain of salt.

 

I have been on both sides of the coin.

I felt people were listening to me because I had passed music school and became a music teacher before I graduated.

I started my career as a computer tech and struggled to get where I am because I did not have high qualifications in the field at the time.

I had to prove myself every inch of the way in the beginning with the boss blowing any fault out of proportion.

The guy before me was given the job in a silver platter because of his expensive stamped piece of paper.

It took him a while to apply what he knew but the boss biased had a lot of patience for him since he had the degree.

 

It's the way the World works.

The guy with the degree will get first chance in the majority of cases regardless of how well he can apply what he learned to real World situations.

[Fudgie]

It depends why the guy was at home and how long he was going to be there for.

I wouldn't be opposed if the guy was under 25 or so. I would make allotments for people over too, because I realize that people fall on hardtimes. But if an older person was actually living with the parents with no real plans on leaving, then no, that would be a turn off.

(Simply because I really value privacy).

 

And yes, I agree with others. Go to school. Student loans can be paid off over decades. You're doing yourself a serious disservice by not going. Jobs require a college degree now and by not going, you're just shooing yourself in the foot.

[abitbroken]

At 22, living with parents is not a dealbreaker. What would be something that I would look at though is a guy who is 22 who is working part time and made no attempt to further his job skills. People can move up in companies like you work at and there is absolutely no shame in that - some people make a career moving up to supervisor and manager or finding another role such as in the accounting department or maintenance supervisor or as a product buyer. When you go to work, always look for opportunities posted. If you are in one department and an opening is in another department you find more interesting, express interest if its something that will give you more hours or at least more responsibilty

 

It is not always a situation where you have to launch into affording a bachelor's degree. I have known people who have taken a brief certification course to qualify them for some jobs and then took some very basic courses one at a time at community college until they had enough saved to go full time. Or they never did because they liked their job so much and moved up. Or you never have to go full time. There are plenty of people who work their way through school. If you start to gofor an associates and play your cards right with classes, you can take things that will apply to a bachelor's later and in the meantime get an associate's. heck my cousins and dad all did this = my cousins parents didn't pay for them.

 

Also, what have you done to get a second job? What about waiting tables or bussing - they usually have flexible shifts there. Or better yet, volunteer at organizations.If you have a volunteer role, that is an excellent resume credit to show off your skills.

[ALM]

People can move up in companies like you work at and there is absolutely no shame in that - some people make a career moving up to supervisor and manager or finding another role such as in the accounting department or maintenance supervisor or as a product buyer. When you go to work, always look for opportunities posted. If you are in one department and an opening is in another department you find more interesting, express interest if its something that will give you more hours or at least more responsibilty

I already do this and, despite not being trained by the company I work for, my managers let me do it anyway because they know that I know what I'm doing already. I'm also already stamped as next in line for training in several departments and will be recieving it the moment the store sees a boost in hours (likely around Easter). I told the managers in my interviews that I have plans on moving up in the company. I enjoy my job and everyone who knows me or has seen me work knows I do.

 

Also, what have you done to get a second job? What about waiting tables or bussing - they usually have flexible shifts there. Or better yet, volunteer at organizations.If you have a volunteer role, that is an excellent resume credit to show off your skills.

Gone to the DSS and the employment offices for listings. I've applied for waiter and host positions at many restaraunts in my area. Most of which do not get any business until tourist season and only hire for seasonal. Cashier in any I retail store I came accross (both small and big box stores) and fast food joints. Applied for janitorial jobs for schools and offices. Unlike the many who say "I can't find a job" and "No one is hiring", I'm part of the minority percentage that actually go out and try. Plus, I don't just apply and leave it alone hoping they'll call; I apply and check up on each application in-person once or twice per week. I always ensure it is during a time of day where customer traffic is normally low and is not a lunch-period for management out of courtesy because I'm sure s/he wants to eat their lunch undisturbed. I can go on quite a list of the number of places I've applied if you ask for company names lol.

 

I don't normally put up my volunteer work on my resume, I've never seen it as much of a big deal in employers' eyes. I take pride in my work, yes. But I always thought they were more concerned with paying jobs, I don't know why. But I've been volunteering and aiding disadvantaged children and families since I was 14 and have been working retail since I was 15. I know and will admit why I haven't moved farther than just an associate, that is because I didn't really start busting my a** until two years ago when I started appreciating my job and what I have rather than slacking off an moaning about what I didn't have. Realized I'm not going to appreciate what I get if I don't appreciate what I have. I've only been working at this company for three months, started off seasonal at minimum wage. The time for employee evaluations came two weeks ago and I found in my paycheck a 0.75 cent raise. I told my manager before the evaluations I plan on staying and wish to get a full evaluation so I guess I got that and he saw I deserved more than minimum wage.

[Ivory_Tower]

Just because you are living in an apartment at 22 does not mean you are "on your own." At least half of my friends live in cushy apartments...that their PARENTS help pay for or pay for in full.

 

Don't worry about what other people think. Aside from being enrolled in college, you sound like you really have your stuff together. Seriously.

[abitbroken]

People who are "actually looking for work" are NOT a minority. It doesn't put you in a special class. There are more people qualified for the jobs you are looking for rather than when you have more training. If the jobs you are talking about are seasonal, well then get something lined up. Also, why are you applying for just janitorial jobs unless you are willing to learn some skills to make you a good candidate. Not all janitors just clean up. They do minor electrical work, they do some carpentry sometimes, and they do minor plumbing work. It is vary rare that a janitor just "mops the floor." Also, what about going to a temp agency and learn computer programs. NO city only has low paying retail jobs. Even small touristy areas have higher level jobs.

 

Don't follow up with every application twice a week. If you are applying for a job, calling to make sure your fax went through or to alert them you are sending it is adequate. Then follow up later if you originally saw someone in person. The once or twice a week happens when they tell you you will be starting and don't get you a date. Otherwise people think you are not persistent but stalkerish. It seems like you need to get yourself some good references and you need to network too. A lot of people get an interview because their best friend is a highly valued employee at a company. THey don't work under the friend but they can recommend you. And volunteer. You'll meet people there.

 

There also is no shame in cutting lawns, washing boats, and babysitting to make that extra money to take a class. My brother was a hit as a babysitter because the young 5-8 year old boys thought it was really cool that they had a guy baby sitter. I knew someone who did a paper route because it was before classes and then they could still hold down another PT job.

 

But overall i agree - you should start taking classes, and also not just rely on DSS. buy the local town paper and see what is in there - and submit a RESUME, and then look for signs in windows, look online and find out what your friends and even parents friends have to say about job openings in their companies.

[In the Dark]

abitbroken has a lot of valuable info there.

 

If you do know people in the place you are working you do get the "VIP pass so to speak".

The who yuo know business can be very important depending on the place you live.

Where I live it is one of the top ways to get a job.

But then again finding decent computer techs is not easy.

 

Also the temp agencies where you can get training are something to look out for, although here it is few and far between to find an agency which will offer you free qualifications while working....sadly those times have gone here.

 

Worst case scenario is going to a town where you do not know anyone and finding a job without any prior qualification in the job unless they are in desperate need for someone who has the skills without the paper.

 

In New Zealand there are a lot of small towns who need people with IT skills, hardware and software related, otherwise they have to travel long distances to get any service or it will cost a premium to get the service where they live due to this country being primarily agricultural.

 

Funny thing is you don't have to be a computer whizz to get the job as I know there are a fair few cowboy techs out there who don't know what they are doing, botch up the job and get away with it due to slick talking and fancy suits.