Newbie2010 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I’m just going straight to the point. I’ve started a relationship with my current partner just over 2 months ago, from the get go we both were pretty serious about it. He’s mid 30 and I’m turning 30 his years. He opened to me very early on that he was married for 16 years, and the reason why they ended because she didn’t want to have kids. Recently I’ve found out that he once lived with a short term girlfriend and it didn’t last because he wasn’t serious with her then although he did introduced her to his family. He also refused relationship with a girl who was moving too quickly for him (wanting to move in and stuff). We’ve been seeing each other for 2.5 months, but he already given me his house key and said I’m welcome to come over any time. I trust that because he’s more attracted/connected to me compared to the others GFs. I’m very touched by a lot of things that he has done for me so far, he cooks, he pays for everything whenever we go out. He’s very details, very caring toward me and said he loves me every single day, and how I’m the last person and wanting to build a family with me and so on. But I have this curiosity that growing in me about his Ex wife who he was with for so long, but she seem like nothing now. He has moved away from the state that they were together, but it’s his ideal place to settle for retirement later. I want to ask question about the GFs before me, like how long they been together, when it was and why it didn’t work out. To me, I just want to find out the ‘Do’ and the ‘Don’t’ in order to protect my current relationship. He’s a mature man with lots of potential for him to consider, but he choose me and I’m totally flattering by it. Unlike him I only have one relationship ever and I’ve told him everthing since our 2nd date. So, do I have reasonable ground to ask more about his past relationship, or should I just let whatever gone be gone. I was not yet an existence in his world then so I shouldn’t let it bother me? I do have a slight bit of trust issue, it’s more on me because I’ve been heartbroken by my first relationship not long ago. I know that I’m lucky to be in love again, so should I just build up more confidence and believe that I fully deserve all this happiness? Could someone knock some sense into me please? Thanks for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think what is disconcerting is the fact that you think you are so lucky that he chose you. I think you lack of confidence and self esteem should be what you need to work on so that you take him off that pedestal. He is not God...he is someone who can't seem to be alone. He got married very young, that lasted 16 years and I presume his short-term live-in girlfriend was more recent. It doesn't sound like he has ever really been single/alone in his adult life and it also seems that he rushed into relationships. He is spewing out "I love you"s" and a lot of clichéd lines about you being the last person as if you are now "the one". He is trying to sweep you off your feet with flattery and attention. Be careful because he may not be who he is trying to portray himself to be. Rather than asking about his past relationships you need to focus on whether or not he is sincere with you...or if he is just doing the standard early in the dating process actions and words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Leave the gun buried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 He was married for 16 years to someone he presumably dated first and also had another live in gf and another short term relationship and this one with you all before mid-thirties? That means to me he moves pretty fast in relationships and I'd have the same concerns as CAD about him never having been alone and I would wonder why that is as well as why he's moving so fast with the I love you's and keys to his place etc. I'd consider those some red flags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie2010 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Rather than asking about his past relationships you need to focus on whether or not he is sincere with you...or if he is just doing the standard early in the dating process actions and words. Thanks for the advice, Then how can I tell whether he's sincere or not? I've told him quite clearly that I'm not in the right situation for marriage or move in dating, and he said he accepted that.. So if he's looking for someone to accommodate him, shouldn't he be going else where by now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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