starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Ive wanted a child for the past 5 years or so, i havent allowed myself to get pregnant because i was never with the right man and circumstances werent right. Im now with a great guy and we are a year into the relationship, soon we are going to start looking for a house together, weve both talked about having children once we are sorted with a house and have some money together but i keep getting this niggling feeling like its not going to happen, i dont know if its because i want it so much im not sure why i feel like this, im 31 this year and im starting to worry that im getting too old.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I understand how you feel. But look at it this way, a lot of women are now having children much later than you. Just be patient, and enjoy the wonderful man you've met. We all know, that alone, is not easy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Oh, bah! The culture of fear... My grandmother had my mother at the age of 40 and my uncle at the age of 44. She didn't have any trouble conceiving, or anything. To put this into perspective, this was back in the 1940's before fertility drugs, etc. This is not a terribly uncommon story, either... Older women get pregnant all the time. (PS - you aren't even 'older' yet. 'Older' starts over 35) Look - it's best to get to it sooner rather than later for a whole host of reasons... but... no worries. You've got another 10 years or so. Don't worry - be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I just want it so much i cant tell you, it seems like eveyone around me is either pregnant or have had a baby, my best friend is now pregnant, its like when will it be me! ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I had my son at 31. I got pregnant naturally at 40. My grandmother had my mother at 40 and my uncle at 42. My mother in law had my husband at almost 40 and her daughter after that. Many women successfully have children after 35. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 It's much more important (in my opinion) that you're having a family with the right guy rather than at the "right age". My husband and I met when I was 33 and I'll be 35 on Sunday with our first baby due the following Sunday. When things start to click time can go by very fast to ENJOY this guy and the time you have together because it could go by very quickly. Trust me, you'll find yourself wishing you'd had more time together or had enjoyed it more instead of thinking ahead so much. Best wishes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eatpraylove Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Different women have different ideas of when the "time" is right to have children or even what age they should. In some of us, it's something we think about when we are very young and are planning our fairtytale lives...ie: college, grad school, career, meet mr. wonderful, engagement, marriage, home, child 1, promotion, child 2, another degree, etc, so forth and so on...all of which needs to be accomplished before the age of 35!!! Yikes!!!! We put so much pressure on ourselves now to achieve, strive, overachieve, have nervous breakdowns, overachieve some more...it doesn't help when we get outside influence as well...family pressure, and "expected" timeline already made up for you on when you "should" be having children by now...the guy you've been seeing...when's he going to pop the question...then when's the date...then when are the grandchildren/nieces/nephews and cousins arriving...pressure, pressure, pressure... You've just got to shake yourself free from all of that...get outside of your own head too...now, women don't have to start families til late 30's and tho that might not be your ideal timeline, if you put too much pressure on your guy to commit and move quicker, you may lose this one in the end. Pace yourself, enjoy the moments, build a strong r'ship and foundation, things will happen naturally. Unless the two of you don't agree on the major deal breakers that will ruin your r'ship down the road anyway, take the pressure off yourself. Have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessBOT Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Ive wanted a child for the past 5 years or so, i havent allowed myself to get pregnant because i was never with the right man and circumstances werent right. Im now with a great guy and we are a year into the relationship, soon we are going to start looking for a house together, weve both talked about having children once we are sorted with a house and have some money together but i keep getting this niggling feeling like its not going to happen, i dont know if its because i want it so much im not sure why i feel like this, im 31 this year and im starting to worry that im getting too old.... It seems as though you are getting a lot of sound info on the age side, I'd like to address the order of events. move in...discuss children....what happened to get married. I understand that marriage is not as important to some people as other and in other cases things happen such as unplanned pregnancy before marriage. But why plan to move in and have children with someone that you are not married to? Why consciously have a child out of wedlock, not be the person to make major medical decisions should something happen, encourage the foundation of the nuclear family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks everyone for your replies, maybe i am just paniking for nothing, i guess i do have plenty time to have children yet, like alot of people i havent had the easiest ride in relationships with men over the years and i lost alot of faith in life, now that im happy with someone its almost like i feel like i have to make everything ive wanted to happen for so long happen as quickly as i can or it wont happen, i dont know if im explaining how i feel very well but im trying to ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HESJUSTSTUPID Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I understand how you feel and I'm only 23!! be patient Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessBOT Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks everyone for your replies, maybe i am just paniking for nothing, i guess i do have plenty time to have children yet, like alot of people i havent had the easiest ride in relationships with men over the years and i lost alot of faith in life, now that im happy with someone its almost like i feel like i have to make everything ive wanted to happen for so long happen as quickly as i can or it wont happen, i dont know if im explaining how i feel very well but im trying to ha Aahhh, this may explain it. So you don't think he will not commit to marriage at this stage, but you are willing to forgo that get the other things you want, the house, the children and have a man around even though he isn't your husband? If this is the case, consider rethinking why you want what you want and if this is really the right situation and way to do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 It seems as though you are getting a lot of sound info on the age side, I'd like to address the order of events. move in...discuss children....what happened to get married. I understand that marriage is not as important to some people as other and in other cases things happen such as unplanned pregnancy before marriage. But why plan to move in and have children with someone that you are not married to? Why consciously have a child out of wedlock, not be the person to make major medical decisions should something happen, encourage the foundation of the nuclear family? Wow there........i have never mentioned marriage because its not part of the issue that ive been talking about here.....actually we have talked alot about marriage also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Aahhh, this may explain it. So you don't think he will commit to marriage at this stage, but you are willing to forgo that get the other things you want, the house, the children and have a man around even though he isn't your husband? I am finding your judgements on me offensive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I completely understand how you feel. I've rushed relationships in the past because of my paranoid mindset, and it all ended up blowing up in my face. Even if you rush marriage, children etc. no one is obligated to you. The man could very well leave the relationship at anytime, if he decides to do so and vice versa. Not much anyone can do. Not to say the whole thing isn't scary, but I think once you fully accept that anything can happen, you may feel a little more at peace. Personally, it has helped me tremendously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think you have a bit of breathing room to enjoy each other and then have kids when you both feel you are ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I am a fan of keeping head in the clouds and feet on the ground. You will do your best to make good choices as far as this man and the relationship -have some faith and trust in yourself. So much of it is out of your control-whether you can conceive/carry a pregnancy,whether he is fertile, etc. I love being/feeling in control but when I got pregnant (at almost 42 years old after about a year of "natural" trying) I realized that so much of it was out of my control and I needed to work on staying as calm and positive as possible. Which prepared for me for being a new mother-- talk about loss of control, arrrggh (but yes it is wonderful). With my mindset, unless I was engaged with a ring and a date, plus trying to conceive, I wouldn't get my hopes up that this was "the one" much less the father of my potential child -not from a negative viewpoint, from a realistic one. Good Luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks Batya33 i agree that much of it is out of my control and think im beginning to be gulity of trying to control it all, very true that reamining calm and postive is best because often the ptter patter of tiny feet come when we least expect it, we arent trying at the moment infact im actively not trying until we both feel the time is right for both of us, a long conversation will be had between the two of us before i stop protecting myself, we need solid foundations before any of the trying will comence ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Just remember to not be too uptight about trying to have them. My mother in law was this way. She was so uptight from 24 to almost 40 she did not even get pregnant. Once she gave up said she did not care anymore she got pregnant 4 times in 2 years. Stress can contribute to infertility I have seen it many times. I know dozens of people who have adopted because they thought they were infertile and then went on to have children biologically after they adopted. Breath and try and be stress free and enjoy your life, we only get one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thank you Victoria66 that is sound advice, it just feels such a pull at the moment im not sure why the feeling has gotten so strong, maybe its beacuse i feel i have found the right man to have my children with but i guess there really is no rush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 No, there is no rush. I understand though, I really do. Really enjoy what you have with him and then when you are absolutely sure children is what you want and are secure enough to have them, then relax and it will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Im pleased i came on here to talk about this, thanks everyone i feel alot better - i didnt actually realise the pressure i was putting on myself about this and if im doing that to myself i will be doing the same to my lovely boyfriend the poor thing ha, i will make a bit effort to relax and go with the fow of our lives and relationship alot more, its possible i have been missing out beacuse my mind has been so focused with this lately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Im pleased i came on here to talk about this, thanks everyone i feel alot better - i didnt actually realise the pressure i was putting on myself about this and if im doing that to myself i will be doing the same to my lovely boyfriend the poor thing ha, i will make a bit effort to relax and go with the fow of our lives and relationship alot more, its possible i have been missing out beacuse my mind has been so focused with this lately Definitely relax and just enjoy the relationship. Nothing good comes from rushing things. When both of you are ready, then you can try for a family, but take your time. You have years and years to have a family, so just enjoy the ride... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight40 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Thanks Sweatpea, im definitely going to do that, im going to relax and enjoy things instead of putting needless pressure on both of us, i guess if its meant to happen it will, thanks for replying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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