Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi Everyone, I haven't been on this site for a long while, but I just really need some additional support. To cut to the chase, I was talking to a guy I met in Vegas about 4 months ago. We hit it off and had a lot of chemistry. We talked on the phone at least once a week and there was absolutely no pressure as to what our status was. I wasn't really looking for anything. We both said we would just go on some dates and see where it goes. I had decided shortly before meeting him that I was going to move to the West Coast. So I was planning on visiting California soon anyways. He happens to live in CA. Anyway, I had planned a visit for this past weekend and he was very aware of the plans. He was extremely excited, well so it seemed and we had discussed our plans in depth. I had confirmed with him numerous times. I in no way, expected him to be with me the whole weekend but we did plan for Saturday evening and most of Sunday. Well, I didn't see him...at all He was texting me throughout Saturday and told me he'd see me around 10pm and after that nothing. I had called (and called), texted and nothing. I haven't heard from him since. I did call him anonymously today after a few days and he did answer but he said he couldn't explain everything that happened in 2 mins and I believe hung up on me but not sure. I am so conflicted as to why this has happened. I am an attractive woman but I am apparently not very good when it comes to picking men. I do take responsibility that I probably shouldn't have flew out to see him so I'm not trying to put all the blame on him. I'm just trying to understand someone's thought process as to why they would do that. I have thought about this for days and have deleted all his texts and his #, so I won't be contacting him again. But it just makes me feel so crappy... any people been through this? Anyone ever do this to someone? If so, why? Just as a side note, he seemed to be very confused from the get go and we did have some bumps in the road, which looking back now were probably red flags. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Just remember -someone who behaves like that - nothing you did wrong - it's about him and his issues and lack of social skills and consideration. Ugh you dodged a bullet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks so much Batya! I know I have dodged a bullet, but it deters me from dating. I have no problem meeting men, but I'm so nervous about this thing happening over and over again. I am almost 29 years old, I'm so sick of these games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Wow, what a total pos. I don't think it's your fault that you flew out to see him when both of you agreed on the arrangement. You didn't force anything on him. He stood you up and is a complete piece of crap for doing so. I had that fear when I tried dating awhile back. That's horrible. Good news is, most men aren't that bad!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks PinkElephant I agree, but my friends pointed out that I shouldn't ever travel for a guy...not sure how I feel about that. But, I did get to see a part of Cali which I loved anyways You know, if he just gave me some sort of explanation, it would be nice. I still wouldn't talk to him or anything, but it would at least show a shred of integrity. But apparently not... I have no idea how people meet those great men. I know they're out there but I don't seem to meet them. Advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You say you never talked about your "status" ....maybe he has a gf or wife and was just having some fun on the side and when push came to shove, he couldn't follow through. That's the only reason I could imagine you never heard from him again. Very bizarre. Don't let one guy deter you from dating all-together. There are plenty of good guys out there....he's just not one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geekgirl4 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 With every bad apple, you should do your best to learn and remember the red flags. Those bumps on the road you were talking about were most likely red flags. With every failure, you are closer to choosing the better guys stay positive and keep trying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncoconut Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Don't let this incident make you feel like you have bad judgment. It takes a long time to get to know someone well enough to anticipate these things. However, the red flags you mentioned could help you out in future similar situations. Now you know what to look for and can better analyze those "bumps". People are weird sometimes. Maybe he felt like he was being forced into commitment and got a little freaked out. It might have seemed like a good idea beforehand, but because you were actually there where he lived, that could have changed things for him. Not to say that you were forcing him to commit or anything, but sometimes people can over exaggerate these types of situations and start thinking too far into the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Good point @ Sauvignon. We did discuss our individual status and he assured me he was single, as I am as well. Of course, he could very well be lying so I wouldn't past him. I have to say, I am thankful that he didn't follow through in a way. Because if we did get physical AND he really was involved with someone else, I would feel absolutely worse. I am still somewhat confused, but not depressed or anything. Thanks GeekGirl 4 You're right. And I have to say, I took a year off from dating and just focusing on myself and reading self help books and they have helped tremendously. I have matured so much which is why I am not having a breakdown over this situation. 2 years ago, I definitely would have and probably not have dated for 6 months. It's been less than a week and I am pretty okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You say you never talked about your "status" ....maybe he has a gf or wife and was just having some fun on the side and when push came to shove, he couldn't follow through. That's the only reason I could imagine you never heard from him again. Very bizarre. Don't let one guy deter you from dating all-together. There are plenty of good guys out there....he's just not one of them. Well, there's no fault in taking it slow. Not defining anything doesn't mean he could have a gf/wife because even if the OP pushed for a definition, chances are he would have lied. The guy was a liar and defining it or not defining it made no difference. As for that advice, honey, I just got lucky with my bf. I have trouble with that department too. Trust me, I can give you serious horror stories! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 That's what I thought, ncoconut. I told my friend the same thing last night. I wonder if the "fantasy" of dating me was just more interesting than the "reality" of me. I mean, I'm not going to lie, in my early 20's I did the same thing to someone which today I still regret. Of course, we went to the same school so it's not the same thing as me traveling to CA. And I thought about that on my flight back. The reason I stood the guy up was because I was scared. I convinced myself he didn't like me, cause I couldn't believe a guy like him could like me, so I stood him up twice. Of course once I realized my mistake, he refused to talk to me, rightly so. I'm not saying that this is the same reasoning, but the reason is probably ridiculous nonetheless. God dating is so hard... it used to be fun, but now I find it's just a mood kill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 @PinkElephant. I agree. I really just wanted to take things slow. My last relationship was abusive so I was definitely not trying to rush anything or put pressure on anyone. I know no one owes me anything, which is why I told him that if something were to happen, it's cool. That's life. I don't want to sit here planning the wedding or predicting the demise of our relationship, when either way we didn't know if anything would happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Travelling to see someone is always a tough one. I've had that happen to me once when I was 17 (for completely different reasons, basically I hurt him before I travelled and he refused to see me) and I had never felt so frustrated. That guy was a big douche... did you ever hear from him again?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 No, I haven't heard from him. I did anonymously call him today and he answered but told me he couldn't tell me what happened in 2 mins and then hung up. I don't know whether or not I'll hear from him again, but I'm definitely not waiting by the phone. I'm just so mad my time was wasted. Sometimes, I wonder why the heck I have to meet this type of people to begin with? I would've been better off not meeting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capilot Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Letting you fly out to meet him and then standing you up is absolutely outrageous behavior. Feel free to call him and tell him what a * * * * * * * he is. And don't be surprised if a woman answers if you call his house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks Capilot. Well he didn't answer my numerous calls, texts etc. So not worth it. He's a loser... I'm just amazed at people's lack of consideration for others. It's just not fair... it sucks but I'm better off without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 call him from a different a number he doesnt know and give him a piece of ur mind ... he deserves the torture ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 oh my God i just read that he humg up on ur face ...wt a loser he must be my ex's twin brother same behavior... Wayne dayre once said wn we focus on wt we dont want we attract it . so maybe we need to focus more on wt we want rather than wt we dont want .... never take him back he will break ur heart , u deserve the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 maybe he wasnt looking for serious relationship , and u flying to see him looked like he wd have responsibility that he wd nt wnat to deal with yet .... men like to chase women not the other way around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Thanks Daisy for your comments All of what you said, may very well be right. I do agree, that even though I in no way put any pressure on him, he may have felt like me coming down meant things were more serious than he wanted. I have thought about that and think that is a possibility. However, we have discussed this for more than a month and I confirmed with him numerous times about this trip... Like I said, I do take some responsibility but if he was uncomfortable he should've told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy3 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Thanks Daisy for your comments All of what you said, may very well be right. I do agree, that even though I in no way put any pressure on him, he may have felt like me coming down meant things were more serious than he wanted. I have thought about that and think that is a possibility. However, we have discussed this for more than a month and I confirmed with him numerous times about this trip... Like I said, I do take some responsibility but if he was uncomfortable he should've told me. ur right he should ve but many men don't like confrontaion and dont like ending things ...they like to leave it open for them one day to come back ...ugh ,,,gross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey610 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 @Daisy. Yea, maybe you're right. I'm not a fan of confrontation either, but I am completely honest and not into games. The whole thing just really pisses me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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