22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 So i wake up too 2 missed calls and a vm.. she says, hey wanted to say hi and see how u were doing! im at work till 5 u dont have to call back or u can send me a text.. its the same old pattern as everyone, i know she is starting to feel me pulling away, so she reaches out.. push and pull.. i know its not gonna go anywhere prob.. do i even call her back??? i feel like ignoring her but what is that gonna achieve really.. any feedback on what i should do.. courtesy call her back and be nonchelant or what??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarsWB Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 What is it you want? Do you want to reconcile...or move on with your life? Do you want to heal or do you want to continue with heartache? Think about it...and you'll have your answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 I want to reconzile eventually.. but thats a long road ahead, take it slowly and not jump back into a rel.. but i dont wanna ignore her and she thinks im done with her forever.. but i also dont wanna call and fall back into push and pull and have it go nowhere and just cause me more heartache.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 how would you feel if the phone call just turns out to be her just checking up on you? Would you feel okay or do you think it would set you back? Do what you feel is best for you. And if you're not sure, think about it for a while before you decide. You don't have to return her call right away, you can even wait another day or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pbsurf Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 i'd say a brief txt acknowleging that you got the vm and that you are fine is appropriate - nothing more. Give it more time. She won't go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuttlefish Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 ^^^ exactly this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 how would you feel if the phone call just turns out to be her just checking up on you? Would you feel okay or do you think it would set you back? Do what you feel is best for you. And if you're not sure, think about it for a while before you decide. You don't have to return her call right away, you can even wait another day or two. i dont know.. i almost wanna test myself and see how i would react.. plus i want her to see that it doesnt bother me talking to her.. its whatever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 plus i want her to see that it doesnt bother me talking to her.. its whatever! Don't kid yourself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delsolar16 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I know deep down you want to talk to her as much as you possibly can but you know it's wrong to do. Everytime she tries to get in touch with you or see you, you start trying to justify contacting her and thinking of as many bad reasons as you possibly can to do what you know you shouldn't do. "I want to test myself"...really? That's what you said before you went to see her last time. Stop this pattern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 UPDATE.. she just called back.. it was really friendly, she kept asking how i was, and if ive been going out, meaning other girls.. then she asked what i was doing later, that she gets out at 5. and see if i wanted to grab dinner with her.. i told her not sure might be busy. but call me after work and see if im avaliable.. i was nonchelant, didnt care what ever happens.. no rel talk honestly i really dont know what to do.. who knows if she just gonna suck me back into her bs and if its even worth it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live-N-Learn Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Its not worth it and in your heart you know this. I don't think you have really let go yet and it is going to be detrimental to your healing. NC is NC brother. Time to stop talking to her. IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strader18 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Every situation is different but I'll tell you what worked for me. She probably wants to reconcile but is more confused right now than you can imagine. She's probably trying to sort herself out while keeping you on the hook. Here's what I did, even though it hurt me to do so, I ignored every single one of her " friendly attempts for example( hey, how are you?) the phone calls. I did that for about a month and she finally broke down and started sending more meaningful text. The heavy text messages started coming ( hey we need to talk, I made a mistake) that's when I responded. Trust me Ignoring her is not going to ruin any chances, Instead that's going to knock some sense into her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Its not worth it and in your heart you know this. I don't think you have really let go yet and it is going to be detrimental to your healing. NC is NC brother. Time to stop talking to her. IMO I have let go.. its prob why she is calling and trying to make an attempt.. i feel like its over im just going thru the pain.. my only concern is its been 2-3 weeks since the bu what has really changed on her part.. i just dont wanna go and be there and end the same way.. but on the other hand, if we can go hang out take the proper steps, i really step back and let her do the things and show me what she is willing to do.. along the way be nonchalent and go about my life.. one thing i agree, is that we cant fully or i wont jump back into this rel.. just wont work and wont do it.. i would like to treat it like we were dating, i keep my options open and let it progress on its own if its meant to be.. i just dont know if 2-3 weeks was enough time for me to get rid of that deep love and allow me to treat it like just another girl i was dating.. i think key is not let her see me, emonital about her or ever talk about the rel.. just have her see me as a guy she is trying to date.. keep the mystery and excitment in the air, let her chase me. thats the only way.. i think soon as i become weak and show her i care and needy, she will run the other way.. and it will just fail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MizzNatalie Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 hm.. tricky situation, but if my heart was still there I'd go for it. we live once, why not for romance? but if you feel in your gut she's going to do it again, it's not love and it's a stupid thing to waste your time on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 hm.. tricky situation, but if my heart was still there I'd go for it. we live once, why not for romance? but if you feel in your gut she's going to do it again, it's not love and it's a stupid thing to waste your time on. i think both are hearts are in it.. but she is only 23. very confused and feels like she doesnt wanna miss out in life.. but she sees me as a big time catch i have everything she ever wanted in a guy.. so i think its why i have to step back and let her come to me and chase me, keep the mystery and excitment alive.. dont pressure on us.. and she wont be scared.. this is the hard part.. i have to go on with my life, but keep her on the side, and when she fully ready to come to me, i need to be there, which i might not.. but there might be times even though we know what we have she might talk to other guys and it might not pan out to be with me, or she might see what we really have, so her eyes will open up even more to what we have.. its like we need to see if this is really it.. its a tricky situation, but if we love eachother that much we might have to do this.. if she dates others.. i need to do the same.. and we might or might not come back to eachother fully.. might be 6motnhs or might be yr.. but there something special there between us, and we both know we havent had that with others.. she has a cousin, that has been dating her bf from 18-26, but they have had 3 breaks were they kept in touch but were not fully together anywhere from 3-9 months eachtime.. i feel its what she feels she needs to do.. and in her eyes no matter what happens inbetween we still stick together, i guess the question is, is that worth it for me, of course if i meet someone that i like and wanna take it further i would have to toatly stop with her.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pbsurf Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 tell her you can't make it tonight but what about tomorrow? its a s**t test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 you need to decide what you want here... firstly, this girl is clearly stringing you along, she wants to make sure you don't lose interest. second, you need to decide if you want to heal up and move on or play the incredibly hurtful game she wants to play with you. right now, her manipulations are working and you're playing her game, she knows you're so in love with her and you'll take her back anytime she decides she's had enough exploring. staying on the sidelines and waiting for her feelings to change will #1: make her lose respect for you, #2: make you lose respect for you, #3: cause you to hurt for a period of time decided by her. you're giving her no consequences for her actions, man. she can't go around prospecting other guys and have you on a string, if you let her do this its a big mistake... you're a safety net as it is right now, and this contact is just her sewing the net tighter. ignore her, let her get scared for once, let her feel like what you do is completely out of her control... this won't push her away, it will make her wonder about you, she'll suspect you found someone else, she'll get jealous and most importantly she will MISS you! by staying in contact, anytime she misses you and needs her fix, you're there to give it to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrenchFries Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 So how'd it go OP? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gallop30 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 UPDATE.. she just called back.. it was really friendly, she kept asking how i was, and if ive been going out, meaning other girls.. then she asked what i was doing later, that she gets out at 5. and see if i wanted to grab dinner with her.. i told her not sure might be busy. but call me after work and see if im avaliable.. i was nonchelant, didnt care what ever happens.. no rel talk honestly i really dont know what to do.. who knows if she just gonna suck me back into her bs and if its even worth it.. she's just checking if you're still there waiting for her,it's a selfish test if she just calls to see how you are,why the "if ive been going out, meaning other girls"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gallop30 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 if you let a little girl like that play you,i'm not sure if you're man enough for her to even get together i'm not trying to insult you bro,just helping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 if you let a little girl like that play you,i'm not sure if you're man enough for her to even get together i'm not trying to insult you bro,just helping How do u fig ? I'm all ears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think he means she will find you less attractive for playing her stupid games, which I agree with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think he means she will find you less attractive for playing her stupid games, which I agree with i agree, but im not playing into her games.. maybe i am?? went to dinner laughed had fun, she told me one point she thought i was hot and it was hard not kissing me..she did kiss me one point,, this made me push to be more playfull like she was my girl.. but i could tell she backed off and said she is not ready emotionly like that and i could tell she was pulling back the pyshical side.. im playfull the two go together for me.. i know she is attracted but is overlooking that.. and she is not ready for the emotion side, she is finally putting the emotion and sex together.. my luck but i cant be selfish like that. she is a better person for it and hopefully translate into healthy rel with me one day or not.. or maybe im just a sucka for it. its all relative.. but thats life, im crazy attracted to her, and we have fun and get along. my pushing this other side which is natural, is prob annoying her a little, which is not good.. so i let her be.i gotta heal, and move on to other women, it wont be the same, but its not the end.. but im not letting her push me around, its this way or no way. Im back to NC and if she wants to come to me when she is ready, and im free then great.. but time needs to go by.. she has to let go and overcome things and see things for what they really are.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gallop30 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 yep,that says it all ,right in front of you,your own words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 it just sounds like you're in major denial, looking for any half-way viable excuse to continue contact. you are playing her game, you are her safety net, you are being stung along you have a very wrong definition of NC; NC doesn't stand for "Not initiating Contact" which is basically what you're doing, NC means NO CONTACT. meaning you're making the decision to detach from them for our own emotional health because they clearly have proven they aren't reliable partners. the only time you should reply to this girl is if she says she wants to make your relationship work and is willing to do whatever it takes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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