Help please! Really want to get over my ex from 3 years ago!!!

[ladyunicorn]

I'm new here and have been reading through a bunch of posts, there are some great advice givers here! And tonight, I feel like I could really use some help.

 

I will try to keep this short.

 

3 years ago, I went through a devastating break-up. I had been with the guy for 1.5 years. I was crazy about him and I thought he was crazy about me! He spend most of the first year chasing after me, talking about marriage and kids. It took me more time to ease into things, to open up to him. But when I finally did, it was amazing. I have never been more in love and felt more sure about anyone in my life. This guy was really special. Very talented, chartismatic and charming. He had such a positive outlook on people: it helped me to grow and to become a better person. Sexually, it was very fulfilling as well. Basically, I felt that we clicked on all levels. We were talking about moving in together and within a few weeks - it was over! And a few days later, he was with another girl! I was shell-shocked!! I usually have a very good intuition about stuff like that, and I don't let down my guard very easily. It made me feel so worthless, to be replaced so quickly. On top of that, he told me he didn't know if he ever really loved me.

 

I went through 2 months of hell. Had trouble eating, lost a bunch of weight, couldn't sleep at night, self-esteem torn to shreds. During that time, we saw each other a few times, even slept together a few times. He told me he thought he DID love me, and that he wanted us to get back together eventually and have kids and a house and the whole thing. But then, a few days later, I'd find out he was back with the other girl again.

 

I got a job out of province for 5 months, which helped. When I got back to our city, we saw each other a few times, randomly. He kissed me and wanted to sleep with me again, but I resisted. I didn't want to feel used. I still loved him. The kind of connection I wanted with him was something meaningful, not just one night.

 

Then... I got together with a friend of mine. We were together for 2 years. He is a really wonderful, stable, kind guy. My best friend. Things between us were pretty good, but sexually, it just couldn't compare to what I had with my ex. Maybe that's because a lot of the time we were together, I couldn't get my ex out of my head. At first, I thought I just needed to get used to my new boyfriend. But the obsession with my ex just didn't go away. It doesn't help that we work in the same industry (ex and I) and I hear about him on a regular basis. Twice during my 2 year relationship, I saw my ex at events and we ended up kissing. My ex wanted more, I resisted, but it was really hard. I resisted because I loved my new boyfriend. I also resisted because I feel that my ex is in it for the ''chase'' and that he wants what he can't have. I know, the second reason is shameful... I had a boyfriend, I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place.

 

Well, because of this, I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. It was very difficult and I miss him. But I felt that I need to figure out this thing with my ex before being able to love someone else again.

 

Now, I'm feeling lost and unsure of what I need.

 

I would like to contact my ex. I feel like I need closure. But I'm afraid that seeing him will only make me more confused. But by not seeing him, I get obsessed. I check his FB page, his web site, ... yes, I feel like a stalker sometimes. I hate myself for it!

 

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Has anyone ever had a hard time getting over a bad break-up, such a hard time that it's 'infected' their new relationships?

 

It's been 3 years... I should be over this by now!! Why do I still miss him so much?

 

And last of all... my last boyfriend, the one I broke up with over this... well, he's a really wonderful guy. I WISH it would have worked out. I feel so horrible for having kissed my stupid ex who treated me like crap but who I can't get over, not only once but twice!! I even told my last boyfriend and he was so understanding and forgiving.

 

Please help! :sad:

[WhiteLotus]

Sweetie, I hate to say this but if your ex dumped you out of the blue and moved in with another girl, he doesn't deserve you. I know its easy to say, but his behavior sends up all kinds of red flags. First he leads you on for a year and a half, then dumps you for another woman and has the audacity to say he wasn't in love with you after deceiving you for that much time. I dated a guy who sounds similar to your ex-bf, and it took me a very long time to realize that the only thing he was truly in love with was the novelty of something new. I'm guessing he's probably a thrill seeker in other aspects of his life? Guys like this love the adrenaline rush they get from playing these games. Often they even fool themselves into believing the facade they've created, but its still just acting and eventually they have to drop the mask they've built. The fact that he continues to try to kiss you and get you into bed is not evidence that he has realized what a mistake he made, its just more of the same old games.

 

I know its hard, but don't contact him. It won't bring closure, because these sort of guys are masters at manipulation, and you will probably end up just as confused as you were to begin with, if not more so. Its tough to forget someone when you have to hear about them all the time, but whenever you miss him just think about how carelessly he hurt you. If you give him a chance, he WILL hurt you again. If you are friends with him on FB, delete him. Erase his number from your phone, his email from your contact list, and anything else that would give you an easy way of getting in touch with him.

 

As far as your most recent ex-bf, take some time for yourself. Get back in touch with YOU, don't worry about any guys right now. Once you feel at peace with yourself, then you can worry about relationships. If your friend really cares about you, he will wait for you. If he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

[22n32]

Yeah it happened with my ex.. she was stuck on her ex. She basically idolized him and put him on a pedestal so she couldn't get him outa her head.. u have to look at what he did to u and chosse not to be with u. Not what it could of been.. gotta take him down from pedestal. Remember the good times and he helped u grow.

 

If he wanted to be with u. He would make the effort to do so.. words are cheap look at his actions.