I FEEL I CANT BREATH! I'M SO ANXIOUS!.... What can I do???... H E L P ME :-?

[amber81]

Hi,

 

It's been a long time since I've been here, posting or reading anything... unfortunately is not because my life was going great, but because I was going to therapy and that was helping me big time.... As of now, I can't afford to go anymore.... and many stuff have happened and are building up inside me, that I feel I cant breath!!!

 

I have so many concerns and problems in my life right now that I don't know ever where to begin with. I don't even feel I want to talk about it, I'm fed up, I'm tired, I just want to breath, I wan to feel free, to feel happy, I feel I'm gonna explode...

 

The more I try to breath, the more air I feel I need....I feel pain in my heart, like my heart is all squeezed, I can't sleep, I'm stressed all the time, I have pain in my back and neck because I'm tense all the time.... I clinically suffer post traumatic stress disorder... and I'm tired of it! I just want to be a normal person, live a normal life!!!

 

Besides, my marriage is joke, is like if im not married, my husband and I sleep in separate room, he don't have sex or any type of intimacy, that's mainly because of my trauma, as I was sexually abused for many years when I was a child... and that's also why I suffer the stress disorder... However, my husband is so fed up with my problem and me not beeing able to get over with.... that he left me alone, he doesn't care, but it bothers him to talk about, he doesn't want to know about anything of my feelings, problems or worries... He wanted to get divorce actually.... but I beg him not to, to give me a chance, because at that time I was pregnant of our first baby... some how we stayed together trying to be better together... but we couldn't, we are right now in a point were we dont talk, we actually hate each other, we have alot of resentment... the only problem here, or the reason we are together is only our baby.... and it is not easy for any of us to say lets get divorced because we are not staying any longer in the USA and are going back to either of our countries (he's from Egypt, I'm from Mexico). So bottom line, is that even when our life together sucks, none of us has the hart to say lets divorce because we both want to live with our baby.... and to add more to that, I'm pregnant again!!! yes I know... but anyway, the baby is not a problem to me, I love babies... Is just that I can't take my son away from his dad, or vice versa... so we are here together, depressed, trapped with each other.... I feel we are not even friends, we dont support each other at all.... he has so many isssues.. so many things about him that I dont like... we have been married almost 2 years only.... we have a 1 year old and im 7 months pregnant!!!!

I feel I'm trapped with him, and he with me.... I would like us to be a nice, normal loving family, but at this point I don't think is possible.....

 

How can I explain my little baby where is papa,when he asks.... he cries when he goes out to work or anything... he loves him so much.. I just can't do it!!!

 

 

I'm sofocated, I feel trapped, I can't breath!!! please help me!!!!

[Teachergurl28]

Amber,

 

First of all, sweetie, you need to calm yourself down. Think of it this way, you will be no good to your baby or your baby-to-come if you are so depressed and anxious. It is very important that you get yourself back into therapy as soon as you can. You need support to help you calm yourself down. In the meantime, tonight watch a funny TV show, read a magazine, listen to calming music, breath deeply, drink herbal tea. Try to stop the panic attacks with peaceful activities.

 

Second of all, I think it is perfectly reasonable that you move out of the house, at least temporarily. Do you have any friends you could stay with for a few days? It sounds awful living with your husband, if you don't feel like there is any love or even friendship between you. Please remember: YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Have faith! Do you have a church you belong to? I would definitely go on Sunday to make a connection with God and hopefully with some other good people that can also help you out. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

[amber81]

Thanks, I feel better just by letting everything out.... Thanks so much for your words, it's nice to know that someone out there took a minute to think of me... that's very nice....thanks a lot, it means a lot to me...

[MrandMrsBrown]

Not to seem harsh but it seems you are avoiding your responsbility in this situation. You are pregnant twice but you have hangs up with sex due to past trauma? That doesnt add up. Not to attack you but you need to look at this. Any man would tire of no intimacy, affection, sex, love for awhile. It seems you have alot of self pity. I am not saying you havent been through some horrible experiences. Thats not that point. You must ask yourself if you have the opportunity now, with this man, this family to do something different from what you were brought up with. Do you? Does leaving this man do anything to help your children? You havent told us enough about yourself or this man for us to advise you. That broad that said you need to leave the house, find escape in Church folks, whatever: She is TRIPPIN! You need to confront this. Ask yourself the questions I ask, and more. Those questions you dont want to ask. Ask gal, ask!

[amber81]

I am perfectly aware that any man would get tired of no having sex, I do understand that part, I totally do. But at the same time, I don't think I'm able to give to any man what they need.... I am deep in my problem, and believe me I don't like it, but that's the way things are right now.... the point is I'm not retaining him anymore.... I actually don't want to be with him anymore, I don't want to make his life miserable and at the same time, that he makes mine miserable too by not supporting me, blaming me, ignoring me, etc etc etc..... He doesn't want to be with me anymore.... I believe we are at a point where we don't really like each other, we don't stand each other, we are totally disconnected, away, apart.... Sometimes he makes me so mad, that I truly believe that I hate him, at least at those moments..... the result is that we have an EMPTY "relationship" where we only are together for one reason: the babies!!! we either have to move to Egypt in the next months or to Mexico..... If we separate, the babies will never see their father..... I don't want that for my babies... I want them to have a family, or at least to be physically able to be close to their dad.... I do have serious problems, I don't blame him for not standing by me.... but I can't make anybody happy if I'm not happy myself first.... and him instead of being a support to me, feels more like a burden, someone just putting more pressure on me, and criticizing me etc, etc etc..... Is not that I have pity of my self, or maybe I do, but you have to understand that if all the people were able to forget and get over bad experiences, then there would not exist any traumas and this would be a perfect world..... that's not the reality, the mind is very complex and stubborn... I don't wanna be this way, for myself and my kids specially, I wanna let go and be free of my trauma.... and I'm working on it... but as of now, I am still struggling and having many issues..... my husband instead of my partner became my enemy.... I understand is hard to deal with a person like me.... somehow I understand him.... not totally agree with him, but I REALIZE that he is also suffering and in pain.... and that hurts me even more..... what can I do then?..... I would love it if we could find some solution, that our relationship could be saved and healed.... but I don't know if its possible anymore.... and I don't know if I want that anymore.....

I just can't take away my baby's father.... I can't do it... he adores him.... As of now, we are all gonna go to Egypt, and start a new life there.... but of course I feel anxious and sofocated because I get to live with a person I don't love, I don't like, I don't even share anything with... so why bother in sacrificing my hometown, my family, my language, my religion, everything I have!!! .... well the answer is my kids... but I don't know if that is gonna end up killing me....