GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 This is so sad. Last night we were chilling and his phone rings. He didn't recognize the number and so he answers it. He then lights up and he asks me if he can take the call. I hear a womans voice and he starts talking about "Oh youre back! cool" and then he goes on about how he's been good and nothing much has changed in his life and how they need to Skype eachother and how he needs to go visit her in the Dominican Republic and how he's gonna Skype with her on Wednesday and he said something about how he knows not to cross certain boundaries or something (Sounded really fishy to me) and then he started asking about her boyfriend I think and how her and her boyfriend should be skyping eachother or something because they are seperated?? I'm like REALLY REALLY? I'm thinking is this dude really sitting here having this conversation right in front of my face? What am I supposed to do leave the room? I wasn't eavesdropping but he was just so blatantly loud with the conversation. Then when he gets off he says he see's that I'm clearly upset and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that conversation sounded really fishy and he CLAIMS they are platonic friends and they haven't spoken in forever and all this. He seemed SO surprised that I was upset REALLY?! He's making plans to go see her in the Dominican Republic in the summer and he JUST started talking to her again. I can't believe I have to always get treated like chopped liver. Yeah I know I should break up with him, but at this point I'm just hurt. I'm tired of being treated like this. I'm gonna be single for the rest of my damn life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 ???? Is she an ex? How long have you been together? How do you know they're not just friends? Sounds like she has a b/f and he has a g/f.??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ut804 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 the "crossing boundaries" thing sounds a bit fishy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 He said she was JUST a friend but he just seemed weird, I don't know if I'm reading too much into it but just his tone. "I have to come and see you soon!" "LETS SKYPE" whats the deal with the whole boundary talk? I told him straight and clear that if he has feelings for someone else he needs to not be with me, and that if he feels like he is crushing on someone else he needs to not be with me. I feel like something weird was going on there. I feel bad because he is texting me but at this point there are so many things he does to bother me I don't know if we are even gonna be able to work it out. He told me last night he wants to work through these issues but I mean how are we gonna work through this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 the "crossing boundaries" thing sounds a bit fishy... Yeap and I told him that and he said that I'm reading too much into this and blah blah blah and that I wasn't on the other end of the phone and this and that. What do I have "DUMB A##" written over my forehead? I can't believe how stupid he thinks I am. I'm really upset right now, my stomach is hurting because I always treat people with respect and I never try and hurt anyone and yet I keep getting hurt over and over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I still don't get it. Not having any idea what the other side of the convo was, it's hard to say what the boundaries thing was about. How long have you been dating? Is this an ex girlfriend of his? How does he know her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I didn't ask how he knew her or anything. I just asked if he had feelings for her or a crush or anything like that. I also asked if they are platonic friends. Me and him have been dating for about 2.5 months. But why on Gods green earth would you even MENTION boundaries...its like REALLY? Why are speaking like this with the woman. Ugh I'm so mad right now. He texted me and I haven't responded because at this point I feel awful about our situation and I'm afraid of these feelings. I really was trying to give him a chance and time and time again these things keep popping up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm not going to lie, it seems you are automatically assuming the worst here. If I hadn't talked to a good male friend in quite some time, I could see myself trying to make plans to speak with them or hang out with them.. same as if it was a female friend. You know the situation better than any of us, so you don't have to listen to this obviously.. but I would say you could be jumping the gun a bit. Either that or this guy really is just a jerk. But something tells me you're a bit insecure as well so I'm not really sure what to believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ut804 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Yeap and I told him that and he said that I'm reading too much into this and blah blah blah and that I wasn't on the other end of the phone and this and that. What do I have "DUMB A##" written over my forehead? I can't believe how stupid he thinks I am. I'm really upset right now, my stomach is hurting because I always treat people with respect and I never try and hurt anyone and yet I keep getting hurt over and over again. well im sure if you did that to him he would be upset. i just want to know more about "not crossing boundaries." boundaries to what? it just sounds like they like each other but are having a conversation to control themselves and not cheat? i don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Goodness, he talked to her in front of you!!!! When men are guilty of something, they hide it. I can assure you they are good friends and nothing more. You have only dated a short time and you are already jealous? Not good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Yeah I'm gonna admit I am insecure and I have met the guy who constantly pushes my buttons on this! I was thisclose to just being alone and here he comes along and I like him but he does these things and he has these female friends that he talks to and texts etc.... Its just so freaking weird! I don't wanna give up and run but I do. He swears that he isn't messing around on me and that he wouldn't but what guy would tell you he is gonna mess around on you? Its just a messed up situation because I have feelings for this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Goodness, he talked to her in front of you!!!! When men are guilty of something, they hide it. I can assure you they are good friends and nothing more. You have only dated a short time and you are already jealous? Not good. Its not about JEALOUSLY its about blatantly flirting and talking to someone in front of me in that manner. What am I chopped liver? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 well im sure if you did that to him he would be upset. i just want to know more about "not crossing boundaries." boundaries to what? it just sounds like they like each other but are having a conversation to control themselves and not cheat? i don't know. EXACTLY . This is exactly what I'm thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 he has these female friends that he talks to This part really stuck out to me. Do you think that if he has a friend who is female that he will automatically cheat on you?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Goodness, he talked to her in front of you!!!! When men are guilty of something, they hide it. I can assure you they are good friends and nothing more. You have only dated a short time and you are already jealous? Not good. I agree with this! If he was doing something with this girl behind your back, he surely wouldn't have had that conversation in front of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 He really didn't have a choice but to take it in front of me though, he didn't recognize the number and when he answered it wasn't like he was gonna get off the phone with her. He probably didn't want to be too suspicious and take it outside or whatever, and he haven't talked to her in a long time so thats another thing as to why he took the call, It was just so awkward and uncomfortable. The girl lives in the dominican republic so isn't cheating with her right now but its like he has feelings for her or something..you know what I mean? I don't mind if he has female friends, its just like it seems he has more female than male I could be totally wrong about that though but I have only really heard about his female friends for some odd reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ut804 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I agree with this! If he was doing something with this girl behind your back, he surely wouldn't have had that conversation in front of you! yeah but didn't he go into another room? and maybe he figured she wouldn't know anything because she can't here her part of the conversation? but the onyl one who truly knows is him, no matter how much we speculate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 He stayed on the couch with me but it was just AWKWARD. I'm really trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and step out of my comfort zone because I like him, he claims he likes me and he has no issues with me and that he wants to keep going out but geez, its confusing being with a guy like him. I don't know if I'm used to being with my ex or what but he is so different....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlight_ Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Based on your thread about hooters and him and now this one, I'd say you are looking for reasons to get out of the relationship. From the information you've given I am a lot like your bf and you are taking things to seriously for this type of person. I have more female friends than male friends and if one of them called me out of the blue I know I would light up and be super excited to talk to them. I would never even think of cheating on my wife with any of them. The crossing boundaries talk could have been about something his friends bf did. Plus I always make plans to see them at some point in the future. I have maybe followed through 10% of the time. Has he booked plan tickets yet? Your bf is a good guy, he wants to make things work with you, he likes to joke around and he genuinely enjoys talking to people. Don't chase him away unless you want to but at this rate that is all you are really going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ut804 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 He stayed on the couch with me but it was just AWKWARD. I'm really trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and step out of my comfort zone because I like him, he claims he likes me and he has no issues with me and that he wants to keep going out but geez, its confusing being with a guy like him. I don't know if I'm used to being with my ex or what but he is so different....... oh ok. hmm.. i honestly don't know.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I appreciate this. I feel like sometimes I am searching for a way out as not to get hurt but he makes it so easy with his behavior that its making me confused on whether I am actually searching or if something is actually a red flag. In the past I IGNORED all the red flags and just stuck around hoping for the best. That didn't turn out so well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I think your reaction is way out of proportion to what actually happened. I would also light up and make "plans" with a friend I hadn't talked to in a long time from another country. If he were seeing her or they were super close, he probably *would* recognize the number and not talk to her infront of you. Boundaries? Who the hell knows what they were talking about? Why does their conversation make you chopped liver? I think you need to chill out and not make so many negative assumptions (this always happens to me, etc.) You said, "I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt"......no you're not. Re-read what you're writing here. You're not giving him any benefits. You're assuming things, jumping to conclusions and projecting negatively into the future ("Guess I'll always be single").....be careful as these qualities are not only unattractive and off-putting but also poisonous to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I don't wanna be someones good time girl because the girl they REALLY want is out of reach. I'm better than that...I just want to take care of myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I don't see anything fishy here either: he took a call, in front of you, he treats you like an equal, a lover, a friend - yet you constantly ask if there could be a negative meaning behind any of his actions. This could become very tiresome very quickly if you are not careful. People don't like to have to justify/ explain/ defend their actions constantly because someone else doesn't get that people can be and act differently. While you are trying to build up this relationship what are you actively doing to overcome your issues from the past? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingUp Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Not too much honestly. I have just been reading self help books on anxiety and also a book on co dependency. I have been mostly looking for a new job because I was recently laid off and that has had my anxiety through the roof making me more stressed and on edge by the day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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