mollychambers Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 How to I deal with my boyfriend who's good friend just died? There are a lot of questions on here that are similar to this but mine is a little more specific... I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and one of his really good friends just died. He's been good friends with him since we were 15 (18 now) and he sees him at the gym like everyday. He actually set him up with his girlfriend of 3 years. Well the friend who died and his girlfriend were on a break when he passed away but anyways, my boyfriend hangs out with his girlfriend about once a week. They have been good friends for a while they actually had a small passed before I came into the picture and they go to the same school and even have classes together. Now my boyfriend and I are very close so I have complete trust in him so them two hanging out is not a problem with me. But now that her boyfriend/ my boyfriends really good friend passed away, he feels the need to spend everyday with her, helping her cope and being her shoulder to cry on. He is a paulbearer at the funeral and is going to hold her hand when they are sitting and be there for her. The two of them have been going to his (Boyfriends friend) house everyday to comfort his family and just spend time. The problem is I live an hour and a half away. I just moved here 4 months ago for college I came home the night after he found out and I let him cry in my arms and we talked about everything and we were passionate and the next afternoon we spent all day laughing and having a great time. Now I am back at school and he is hardly speaking to me and told me last night that he doesnt want to be attahced to anyone right now, not me or his family. I don't know how to take that because I feel like he has attached himself to his friends family and his friends girlfriend. I trust him but I know these things can pull people apart and maybe push people together. Should I be worried about things with my boyfriend and I? We are in a very serious relationship but I am scared cause he is the only person I really have but I feel like I don’t have him right now. He even told me he didn’t want me at the funeral. I don’t know what to do. I've talked to him for a few seconds on the phone at least once a day but its kind of just hi, bye, and a pushed i love you. I tell him every time that i am here whenever he needs me and he tells me not to worry. I know he just needs space but should I be worried? He is the only person I have to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Grieving is a personal journey that he must take alone because his emotions are his own and not yours. So you have to cut people who are grieving a lot of slack to retreat into themselves and perhaps others who suffered the same loss for a while, and not expect a lot of attention from them, nor that they will be 'normal' for a while. However it is very odd that he doesn't want you at the funeral, and seems to be spending all his time with his friend's girlfriend. This might be a BIG problem if he has always had a crush on his friend's GF and sees this as his opportunity to step in at this time and take advantage of that (and is using the grieving as an excuse to dump you to pursue her). I would back off and do nothing at all for a couple weeks, but if at the end of two weeks to a month he is still not seeing you or is spending all his time with the friend's GF, you might wonder what his motivation is there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollychambers Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 He is the type of person who needs to save everyone, he is always trying to be the hero, that is why he wants to be there for the girlfriend. They had kissed a few times at parties years ago when I didn't even know him but they had several opportunities to be together and he always said no. I am pretty sure she has/had feelings for him. I know he is faithful towards me, but I am scared he is going to begin to feel more connected with her because of what they are going through together and I am also afraid that once she is done grieving she is going to look up and see my boyfriend and then really have feelings for him. It's just really hard because I am in a different city and I am always really lonely up here and now that this is going on, I feel lonelier than ever. I know I am being selfish but I hate hearing him say that he doesn't want to talk or be around anyone but he is constantly seeing her and his friends family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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