I feel like everything is against me.

[flyingchicken]

I don't know where to start.

 

I guess, I'm a very paranoid, neurotic and anxious person. I feel ugly and fat, and trust me, I probably am.

 

I always think that my life would be better if I was prettier or slimmer, people would be nicer, people wouldn't make fun of me so much, I wouldn't have to try so hard to make people like me.

 

I know you shouldn't always care about what other people think, but I can't help it. In my old school, you can't not grow up there and feel like the * * * * off the boot. Especially in my country, where they idolize caucasian people and do everything in their power to look caucasian, where if you do NOT look caucasian, you are freakin' ugly. I am not tall, thin and white and in here, I am the ugliest piece of * * * * .

 

I want to move, to go somewhere else other than here.

 

I hate it here. I hate the people, I hate the natives--yes, my people, for being so hypocritical and being so judgmental where I would just walk down the street, I would hear one or two "Hey, fatty" comments.

 

I can't help but feel bad, even though I know that I shouldn't care.

 

It's so hard moving on for me from different things. I care so much about the little things that it's disrupting me from doing everyday things properly.

 

The people laughing at the back of my class are probably making fun of me, my other friend is probably talking about me behind my back, and I know that if I open up to anyone I know here, that they WILL judge me. They'd think "Oh man, she's so paranoid and weird, I can't stand her whining" ...Even now I know there are people reading this judging me.

 

I'm always sleeping with the happy thought that I'll be in another place different from here. In my dreams. Running away to my subconscious is the only happy place I have.

 

I've been meaning to see a psychiatrist about this, but... I don't know.

[d24]

I went to a highschool in one of the Southern States - very racist etc - and there was one black girl at our school. She wasn't my friend but we did talk on occasion, and she thought that because she was 'different' (i.e. she wasn't white like everyone else at the school) that she was not attractive.

 

That's the thing though. You're not attractive if you 'fit in' - how can you stand out from a crowd doing that?? and let me tell you there were more guys interested in her than any other girl in the school - because she was different. Many of them were too afraid to act on it because of the community we were in, but hey... just throwing it out there.

 

Another thing to remember is that one of the most attractive qualities a girl can have is confidence, so perhaps you should work on your self esteem.

 

Good luck chicken-baby-girl