bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Is my gf attracted to weakness? She revealed to me that her last boyfriend (5 years ago!) was actually technically mentally handicapped. He had a learning disability that made it impossible for him to follow a normal academic track and she was his only friend. They dated for 2 years and it ended because he got so clingy that it was making her miserable. She said that she ended it for her own emotional health, not because she was unattracted to him. She also says that she likes scrawny geeky looking guys. I'm over 200lbs, mostly muscle. I'm also very confident and ambitious... but I'm beginning to see that I can't help but be really nice to her. She makes me feel weak. She's more in control of her emotions than I am. Is she going to drain me of my selfish soul? I like it because it protects me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d24 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 better be careful you don't want to lose your selfish soul! oh wait... never mind.... [/sarcasm] for the other problem: I was attracted to a girl who was 5ft10 and as skinny as a rake with no curves at all. I married a girl who is 5ft4 has hips and a bust. Just because I like pie, doesn't mean I can't like donuts, you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonie Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 How exactly does she make you feel weak? I think being a girl that strong and in control of her emotions is pretty amazing. Rather than seeing it as something negative, you should probably like that about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I should, except that it she plays her cards with me really close. I know she tells everyone about me, that she thinks about me all day, and that she's even drempt of me, but its only because I've verbally coaxed her into admitting it (also she keeps wanting to take pics of me). But still, its like "Damn, woman, can you TELL me all by yourself that you really like me?" I tell her she's awesome in various ways multiple times a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 for the other problem: I was attracted to a girl who was 5ft10 and as skinny as a rake with no curves at all. I married a girl who is 5ft4 has hips and a bust. Just because I like pie, doesn't mean I can't like donuts, you know? True. That's interesting because she hates pies and donuts lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonie Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I should, except that it she plays her cards with me really close. I know she tells everyone about me, that she thinks about me all day, and that she's even drempt of me, but its only because I've verbally coaxed her into admitting it (also she keeps wanting to take pics of me). But still, its like "Damn, woman, can you TELL me all by yourself that you really like me?" I tell her she's awesome in various ways multiple times a week. Hm, it doesn't sound like she's manipulating you are anything! Maybe it's just not in her nature to be as vocal about her feelings to you -- maybe she thinks she shows it enough in her actions or so. Maybe you have different love languages. Anyhow, it seems like something you'll both be able to sort out through time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I hope so. I'm really tired of the imbalance. It makes me want to keep to myself with her. We'll see how she likes it when I don't even kiss her tonight. I know its childish, so shut it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I think you ought to go back and read a thread from last month ago, where you talk about all of your insecurities: . You're going to ruin this relationship if you're not careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 better be careful you don't want to lose your selfish soul! Oh wait... Never mind.... [/sarcasm] for the other problem: I was attracted to a girl who was 5ft10 and as skinny as a rake with no curves at all. I married a girl who is 5ft4 has hips and a bust. Just because i like pie, doesn't mean i can't like donuts, you know? lol............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpottiOtti Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I hope so. I'm really tired of the imbalance. It makes me want to keep to myself with her. We'll see how she likes it when I don't even kiss her tonight. I know its childish, so shut it! Not only is it childish, but it will also never, ever make you feel better about this issue. Here's a novel thought: Try telling her straight up that you really like her but are feeling a little unsure if she really likes you, and that this bothers you. Not in a joking way, not beating around the bush and hoping she gets it. She's not a mind reader. She doesn't know what you need unless you tell her. If you can't admit these things to her, odds are good you are not ready for a mature relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 My bf never tells me he loves me. It's been 10 years and he's told me twice. It doesn't matter much. Words are cheap and he shows me how much I mean to him constantly. Actions by him have definitely made me happier than all the pretty words I've heard from other men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightbulbSun Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Here's a thought...maybe she's attracted to both scrawny, nerdy boys, and YOUR type? As a scrawny, nerdy boy, I think I'm insulted, lol. Dude, you need to realize that girls are attracted to all different physical types, and that you're the one who's insecure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 You guys are all right. Thanks for helping me to put this into perspective (if at least temporarily). I have a habit of forgetting reason... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Not only is it childish, but it will also never, ever make you feel better about this issue. Here's a novel thought: Try telling her straight up that you really like her but are feeling a little unsure if she really likes you, and that this bothers you. Not in a joking way, not beating around the bush and hoping she gets it. She's not a mind reader. She doesn't know what you need unless you tell her. If you can't admit these things to her, odds are good you are not ready for a mature relationship. I'm sure she likes me. I'm just not sure that she likes me a lot. Like as much as I like her. And she shouldn't have to like me any more or any less than I like her. The problem is all me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velvette Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 aw, feeling insecure is normal, especially if you've never liked someone this much. you must feel vulnerable and open, and to not be able to see that she's just as vulnerable seems scary. but you will never get inside her head, EVEN if she tells you she likes you every day (though that'd certainly help!). so just go by her actions, and if you guys are happy just let it be... or communicate your insecurities in a non-blaming way, so she understands you more and may be more vocal with her feelings for your sake. as for being attracted to scrawny nerdy boys... yeah, a person can have many (very different) 'types'! I'm also attracted to scrawny nerdy boys, as I am to strong popular men. but physical attraction doesn't really matter once you get to know a person; the way you treat her and the relationship you'll share with her will define her attraction to you far more than a stereotype! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdmv Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Well we hung out last night. It was amazing. I think she's decided to really open up to me. She was all over me and she even told me of a dream she had of me. It was great. *throws insecurity out the window* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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