I am so confused.... Mixed signals

[maryann29]

Hello,

 

 

 

I am so confused about a relatonship that I recently got into. I met a guy on an online dating site in September. I was really taken with him he swept me off my feet and was so romantic we spent about three days a week together and we started making plans to live together. The thing is he just graduated school and he was dilgently looking for a job and he was orginally from out of state. He said that he could not find a job and he was running out of money so he had to look to employment in another location. He moved to another city about 2 hours away. I have pretty busy life where I live so I made it a point to see him every weekend. I drove to his apartment. We worked out a compromise for gas he would pay for half of my gas bill and he would pay for all the food entertainiment expenses when I got there. Everything seemed to be fine for the first couple of week, but then he kept comlaining he did not have enough money to go out to resturants. We compromised that we would eat in. We had a few small fights about little things that kinda blew up..and in the heat of the moment he said this relationship isnt going to work out. I cried and I said if this relationship isnt going to work out then I am not wasting any more of my time driving here to see yo and I got my bag and headed out the door. He told me to sit down and we would talk about it. So we did.. and we seemed to work through it.The thing is things seem to change between us ever since that night.. he doesnt call me as often and he does not seem excited to see me anymore... So I figured even though I care about him I should end it and let him out. So I sent him and email that I really diid not feel like he was interested in me anymore and that I could not do long distance and that i was sorry and I put I hope we can still be friends. He called me and asked me if I really did nt want to see him next weekend and I said I did but I really felt that his passion for me was gone. He said that because of the circumstances ( long distance) that maybe we should back off a little and take pressure off of ourselves form the relationship, he still invited me up for dinner adn a movie this weekend. I AM SO CONFUSED!!!! It seems to me that he gives me mixed signals. I tried to get out of this relationship, but I can' ttell if he still has feelings for me or wants to end it. He had a way out he did not end it.... I feel that i have stroong feelings for him that could be love one day.. I dont want to say goodbye, but I dont want tohang on toa lifeless relatonship either. PLEASE HELP ME MAKE THE RIGHT DESCISION.

[Lemonie]

Maybe when he said he wanted to back off a little and take pressure off, that you should both take things more lightly -- not that the relationship should end. In a way, I think he could have meant that you both need to relax because the frustration of focusing on your issues were taking a toll. If that's what he meant, then he's willing to work on what you have, and a dinner and a movie wouldn't seem out of the question. I think you need to talk to him though and ask him what he really wants though.

[LarsWB]

Only you can answer that! Look in your heart...what is it telling you? Do you want to be happy or do you want to be sad? Do you want to continue to be hurt, or do you want to move forward and seek out a loving, meaningful relationship? Can you continue to live with the mixed signals? Is he worth it?

Everyone deserves happiness...don't just settle. Look in your heart, feel it, and make the right decision FOR YOU. Good luck whatever you decide!

[tattoobunnie]

What you put in is what you get back. I think it's really you that wants out, not him, so you're translating things to what you want them to be. Cuz if you did want to work through things, breaking up with someone just to see what they will do does not work. I think if you do want to work things out, you need to get clear with him. When you see him this weekend, take it as your opportunity to talk about long-term goals, and if they will match. The honeymoon period is over, and reality is surfacing in. A man who wants to save money is also thinking long-term (if you know what I mean). The question is, do you want a long-term with him? He just started a new job, probably broke at this point, and there is an overwhelming pressure to pay half your gas, and all the expenses with your visits. It shouldn't be a compromise on staying in...it takes two to make things through. Perhaps deep down what really is going on, is that you want someone who has their life together, and is settled...not someone that is starting their own career. And when he said, take the pressure off eachother, it could mean a lot of things. Go see him, and found out. And in the meantime, figure out if you want to work with the situation, or move on.

[mikem]

I think it's probably over. I would cut your losses and move on.