-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Imagine if you met someone who you had an amazing connection with, tons in common, had a lot of fun together, as well you both decided you aren't going to see anyone else because dating multiple people just isn't your thing.. and things just seem to be headed in a very good direction.. but then they tell you they might be going to school in the next year or two, in a city quite far from where you live (a few hours flight at least), maybe a 2 day drive. Keep in mind this is months to a year away and is not even a for sure thing. Would this be something that would stop you from getting serious with this person and end things now? Or would you just kind of want to wait and see what happens? Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testcase Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Sure at your age I'd just go with the flow. Seems like a bridge you can cross when you get there... and might doesn't mean it's for sure. Where I'm at now, I don't know. I'd probably at least give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonie Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Keep in mind this is months to a year away and is not even a for sure thing. I guess you shouldn't try to get ahead of yourself and ultimately arrive to a conclusion when what will happen in a loong time from now seems that blurry. Can you manage a long distance relationship? If yes, then whether or not the person goes to another city shouldn't matter. If no, would you really consider ending your relationship this early on for something so indefinite? If you're not sure if you can manage it, then you have a year more to think about it. And not to sound harsh, but a year is really far off, who knows if you'd still be together by then and you'd be having this problem... but just ending it abruptly because of the assumption that they MIGHT move away is something that you might regret. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I guess you shouldn't try to get ahead of yourself and ultimately arrive to a conclusion when what will happen in a loong time from now seems that blurry. Can you manage a long distance relationship? If yes, then whether or not the person goes to another city shouldn't matter. If no, would you really consider ending your relationship this early on for something so indefinite? If you're not sure if you can manage it, then you have a year more to think about it. And not to sound harsh, but a year is really far off, who knows if you'd still be together by then and you'd be having this problem... but just ending it abruptly because of the assumption that they MIGHT move away is something that you might regret. =) Oh for sure, you're right. I am getting ahead of myself. Yeah, it is very far off. To think of it seems silly now, but I was really just curious what others would do in this situation. My immediate thought when he told me he might go to school was that there's no way I could end it without seeing what might happen. I couldn't stand the thought of always wondering why. And exactly! Who knows where we'll be in a few months. Anything could happen. Thanks for the reassurance! You've basically just confirmed what I was already thinking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Sure at your age I'd just go with the flow. Seems like a bridge you can cross when you get there... and might doesn't mean it's for sure. Where I'm at now, I don't know. I'd probably at least give it a try. Yeah, that is what I was thinking. I couldn't sit and wonder what might have happened. But then a part of me was unsure if I am being naive by continuing because in the past I have been naive and gotten hurt. Guess you guys are my soundboard and I wanted to see what other opinions were! Thanks though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 D, I have to ask you: are you doing something to control your anxiety? You seem to be spending so much time thinking and worrying about things that might or might not happen in the far distance? Why not try to live in the now and enjoy it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 D, I have to ask you: are you doing something to control your anxiety? You seem to be spending so much time thinking and worrying about things that might or might not happen in the far distance? Why not try to live in the now and enjoy it? I guess sometimes I don't even realize how anxious I am because this is how I've always been and it's normal to me. I don't really know how to control it, to be honest. I do worry a lot of things that might or might not happen and I REALLY really want to enjoy now because my life is good. I'm trying really hard to, but the anxiety has its way of creeping in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Are you in therapy or are you taking any medication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Are you in therapy or are you taking any medication? I was in counselling for that and a few other reasons. And I don't know if my anxiety is bad enough that I would need medication. I don't ever have like.. anxiety attacks and my worries aren't crippling. They are more of an annoyance than anything that I think if I worked harder to stop the thoughts and just reassure myself things are okay, that they might stop or at least lessen. I should do some more research on what other options I have besides therapy or medication. I have looked into mediation.. just haven't put the effort in to try it completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Go with the flow. My last boyfriend told me a few weeks into our relationship that he had made a last-minute decision to apply to graduate school, and was planning on moving, and I panicked. The relationship ended a few weeks after that, anyway. You never know what will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I agree to go for it. My husband and I were long distance for much of our dating relationship -- but we knew each other well from before - so if I knew I'd have the better part of a year to date someone before they moved and where they were moving was a place I could see myself relocating to eventually I would go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonie Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Are you in therapy or are you taking any medication? Isn't that just a tad bit over the top? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Isn't that just a tad bit over the top? It may seem harsh, but if you're familiar with the OP's posts, I don't think it's out of line. She has shown a pattern of strong anxiety, especially regarding relationships, and I think therapy would definitely be helpful to her. I struggle with a lot of the same issues and it has been extraordinarily helpful to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonie Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 It may seem harsh, but if you're familiar with the OP's posts, I don't think it's out of line. She has shown a pattern of strong anxiety, especially regarding relationships, and I think therapy would definitely be helpful to her. I struggle with a lot of the same issues and it has been extraordinarily helpful to me. I don't know, I read her post and I know a lot of people who ask questions similar to that as early on in the relationship. So it's quite normal for a person to ask if it's worth it to stay in a relationship that MIGHT have no future, and all this OP is asking is the same, except that it MIGHT end in LDR instead. =) Personally, I don't think the anxiety is making her suffer terribly. It's just some healthy pondering on her part... but that's just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I don't know, I read her post and I know a lot of people who ask questions similar to that as early on in the relationship. So it's quite normal for a person to ask if it's worth it to stay in a relationship that MIGHT have no future, and all this OP is asking is the same, except that it MIGHT end in LDR instead. =) Personally, I don't think the anxiety is making her suffer terribly. It's just some healthy pondering on her part... but that's just my opinion. Fair enough. I think in the context of this one post, you're right, but as I said, the OP has a history of anxiety and worrying in her posts, regarding old and new relationships, starts and finishes and in-betweens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I am in a very similar situation but it's a lot worse. I met this guy on the New Years, we really connected and we have been talking for HOURS everyday since last year. We talk about everything, we get along so well... but he lives in another country. Luckily, I'm going to be in his city for 3 weeks in 15 days and we'll get to spend some time together. But then we'll be apart for a few months since I'm only moving to his country next year... probably to a city 2-4 hours driving distance away. Not bad but not great either. I'm starting to get scared because what if we spend these amazing 3 weeks together and it's great? What will we do then? Wait almost 1 year to be in a nearby city? But I decided not to get ahead of myself. Maybe I'll go there and it will horrible and we won't even make it past the 3 weeks together. We just got to sit on tight and hang in there. Go with the flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrtlsngl7 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 LDRs are STOOPID. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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