Budding Relationship Needs Help

[dsrtrat]

Hi I met a woman in a class about 2 1/2 months ago. I was attracted to her the first night but did not strike up a conversation to her directly. After a group discussion she gave me her email address to send her some information I was talking about. I did and gave her my number in the email if she had any questions. She texted me a thank you and we chatted a bit. The next couple days the texts were more frequent from her giving me the right signals. One night she sent me a message and said we should go to lunch the next day for our break. We did. While talking it came out that she was attracted to me but very nervous. I told her the same. She has been divorced for 2 years and not with anyone since other than dating. We began texting and talking more frequently and made plans to go out. We did it was great and we made out afterward before she went home. The communication continued and we saw each other frequently at clinicals and in class. She would tell me how glad she ws that we met she cared about me and she felt like she would meet someone special here after moving from Seattle. Every day I would sneak a kiss to her in an elevator or something and she never rejected me and hugged me after. I thought things were going great. At home she has a 13 year old boy and takes care of an ederly disabled man as a job. She has a busy home life but I would always get a good morning text and we'd chat and then toward the end of the night the messages from her would start up again until we went to sleep. This went on for a few weeks.

 

Then the week before Christmas her Ex came into town to spend time with their son. I knew he was coming into town and she said and acted like she was not looking forward to it at all. Turns out he had untreated skitzophrenia. She told me all of this before hand. Well he showed up a week early unannounced and looked like heck and was delirious. He said he had a vision she and their son were murdered and dead. He drove 22 hours straight from Seattle. I know that's weird but I am in the health care field too so empathetic to something like this. It seems as soon as he arrived she has obviously been occupied. Needless to say the communication has dropped off a cliff. I do hear from her but spiradicly. I know she has been trying to get him healthy so he is there for their son. She took him to the hospital where he was diagnosed and given meds. About 3 weeks later he had another appointment for referrals in Seattle as well as more prescriptions. This was 2 weeks ago now. I thought he would be gone by now? When talking to her on the phone I did ask her why he was still here and she said she did not know but that she was not taking him back. She is a nurturar by nature and won't kick him to the street especialy since they share a son.

 

When I saw her at clinicals I would continue to give her the kisses and we snuggled a few times in my truck over lunch. I've told her how I feel and given her the opportunity to give me the friend speech but she has not. When she goes home there is almost no communication and when I do hear from her its spiradic. Our first round of clinicals have been over for 2 weeks and I have not seen her since. Sometimes it takes her 2 days for her to reply. She tells me he is not staying and she is not taking him back etc.

I usually hear from her when when she is alone it seems. She has called me a couple times with him around but kept the conversation superfical. I told her I missed her and she said "me too" knowing that she could not speak to me to intimately with him around.

A week ago she called me on her way home and we were talking and she asked me if I would like to go to Seattle with her in a couple months to meet her friends. I of course said yes.

 

4 days ago without saying anything to each other we connected on yahoo messenger and just started iming in the evenings. On Saturday we were iming she was being flirty with me and I was with her too. She got a call from her mom and said she would be right back. An hour passed and her im signed her out and I did not hear from her. I sent her a text joking that "brb" must be a long time. No response. about 20 minutes later I sent her another saying she vanished into thin air and asked if everything was ok. No response. An hour later I sent her another just asking "are you ok??" no response. The next morning she sent me a short message saying the man she takes care of had a seizure but he was ok. I replied saying I'm glad he is ok and I was worried something happened when she I did not hear back. I also asked her how she was feeing becasue she had been sick. No response until 6 that night. She laughed at something I sent, said she was cleaning and not able to IM. I have now not heard from her since yesterday and today I sent her a mesage with some information I found out about our next round of clinicals and asking her a couple questions about her availability for it.

 

My question after all this is should I be taking some kind of hint from her that maybe she is too nice to say and also was texting her to see if she was ok after she did not return to IM too much?

 

Things started off great but have declined due to her ex being here. I feel a spark toward her on my side and think about her often and would really like to see where this can go. She has told me weeks ago that we are good together etc. She even said she wanted to take things slow physically with me because she did not want anything to fizzle as quickly as it starts. I have been completely supportive of her with all this but am starting to have questions. I just dont want to smother her trying to stay in contact or come off too needy.

 

Thanks for any advice or help provided.

[RedDress]

I think that at this point you have done MORE than enough to keep in touch and try to keep the fires going. Whether she is too busy... or pre-occupied with the ex... or has something else going on... I don't think you will ever know.

 

At this point, I think that your best course of action is to give her a call and to let her know that you understand that she is busy and that you will leave the ball in her court as to when she wants to get in touch.

 

Then... just stop.

 

If she really wants the two of you to work, she will 'wake up' and MAKE it happen.

If she's not into it (for whatever reason), she will drift away.

 

I really think you should say something before you take your leave... this way she knows EXACTLY what happened between you two and she knows how to rekindle it, if that's what she eventually wants.

 

At the end of the day, it takes TWO people to make a relationship work. She's not doing her part. You can't make her... but you can point out that she's not been doing her part and then stop doing yours as well...

 

That's my personal opinion.

[humphreys]

It seems to me that she's preoccupied with something else (and I really don't think it's cleaning). It seems that she's intentionally trying to distance herself from you. It could be that something has come back up with her ex, or that she isn't completely over him and is suffering with some kind of guilt. Or, it could be something more serious. Maybe her ex is interrogating her as to if she's seeing anyone else... Remember that you're the first one she's seen since she moved.

 

I'd take a step back and wait it out like the previous poster said. I would skip telling her how you feel, because it's clear that you care and that you're trying -- anyone can pick up on that. However, I'm 99% sure that she's aware of what she's doing, and that it IS indeed a conscious decision.

 

The part that gets me the most is, you don't text someone every single night before you go to bed, and then suddenly decide that you don't feel like doing it for no reason at all. What I'm trying to say is, she knows why she's doing what she's doing... Just wait it out. If she comes around, then ask her about it and she'll most likely explain if she really does care for you. If not, then move on, her baggage isn't your responsibility.