Men: (Why) do you stay in relationships when you aren't happy/know they won't go

[Aeryn]

Now, I know this isn't the case with ALL men. Some men will and do end relationships when they feel it is time. However, there are some men that, even if they know their current significant other isn't completely "fulfilling" to them, they will still stay in that relationship. Why?

 

 

My brother was with a girl for several months. He didn't truly love her, and they fought all the time. There were times he mentioned wanting out, yet he still continued to be with her and everything.

 

My ex-boyfriend, whom I dated for two years, and the relationship ended in March of 2009. When we broke up, he told me that he had been considering ending things for a while. I don't recall exactly how long a "while" was - I think 3-ish months. However, he didn't. He didn't give me any sign that he was "done" with the relationship... he just ended it on a whim. He and I are still friends, and I'm over that past relationship... but still.

 

A new found friend of mine. He is in a relationship with a girl he has been with for two years. He has mentioned a few times that she wasn't exactly "long-term" material for him, but that he really has no reason to break up with her. He said he has to be with her until his commitment is up, because he made that commitment to her and refuses to break it.

 

 

Great. I'm glad some men are still capable of fulfilling their commitments and sticking to one woman, but... if you aren't happy with her, and you know you're going going to be with her for the rest of your life... why do you stay?

 

 

I guess I would like to hear from women, as well. Because I know some women do this, as I have been guilty of doing this myself... and perhaps some women may even have some insight from the guys perspective.

[Jd1983]

If you have been guilty of doing the same - perhaps, you already have your answer right there?

 

Some people will stay in a unhappy relationship because they feel comfortable with their partner and don't like change. I know several people who are in relationships, just because. Either they're waiting for someone else to come along to replace their partners or they're afraid of being alone because they don't think they can do any better. This is just settling. Other times, they don't want to hurt their partners even though they no longer feel the same way.

[sidehop]

Comfort, fear, the idea of being alone and getting back the life as a single person becomes a mystery.

[DylanNotorious]

Because it's easier than going out and starting from scratch.

 

Because it's "better the devil you know than the one you don't".

 

Because they think things will get better.

 

Because "It's safe". etc etc etc!!!!!

[22n32]

comfort, fear, idea of being alone..

 

but i also think men are way more likely to do this then women, ladies dont fear this because they go out and will have guys all over them and they can choice easier, were as guys have to go out and do the chasing.. its work and can be frustrating

[Aeryn]

True, I am guilty of this. My reason was mostly being afraid of hurting him; however, I did fear change and facing the unknown, as well.

 

I just figured it would be different with men. I always thought of men as being the "decisive" ones, and if they were done with a relationship, then they were done. No second-guessing, no beating around the bush, just done.

[Jd1983]

Men can be just as indecisive as women. In some cases, they would even just stay around just for the sex.

[22n32]

Men can be just as indecisive as women. In some cases, they would even just stay around just for the sex.

 

not proud of this but i did this when i was younger.. it was easier then finding someone new, just because the sex was great

[Calvin68]

Kids

Money

[XpandTheMind]

Imma guy, and for me, personally, I hate hurting people. And, sometimes, it just wasn't the right time you know? I wanted to give the relationship a chance before I bailed. I know some who have stayed with felonious females for sex and nothing more, I guess it just depends on who you ask.

[anthony4]

for me, she gave me just enough, a little at a time (doled it out) to hold on. and yeah, women can pick and choose more than men can to some extent. personally i like to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and believe them when they say they love me. i guess there are a hundred levels of love, and the use of the word becomes trite. now, in hindsight i find out she wanted to try it out with her ex-fiance again. they were a mess before, and given time they'll be a mess again. most all their trouble were internet related, he chats it up on sex sites, she makes up fake profiles and catches him. she cheated on someone to be with him in the first place. i have to laugh for my own good as to where that's gonna lead. there i go again, off on a rant....

[anthony4]

Imma guy, and for me, personally, I hate hurting people. And, sometimes, it just wasn't the right time you know? I wanted to give the relationship a chance before I bailed. I know some who have stayed with felonious females for sex and nothing more, I guess it just depends on who you ask.

 

felonious! - sweet

[l830sd8ingguy]

I was in a relationship with a girl for almost two years. Although, I knew it was over after only eight months.

After eight months, I caught her texting, emailing, and meeting up with her ex, and confronted her about it. Once the truth finally came out, she had been cheating for at least two months.

We broke up. But, that only lasted for a few weeks. She came crawling back, begging, saying all kind of things. And, being a sucker, I took her back, as I had some kind of faith that she was honest and things would work out.

Three months later, I went to her house one evening to surprise her, to spend the evening, and possibly the night with her. When I pulled into her driveway, I saw a vehicle that I had never seen before. I sent her a text message and she said she was out with friends. Interesting, as I saw lights go on and off. I went to the door, rang the bell and knocked. But no one answered, and I heard the tv on.

At this time, I never told her I was sitting in my car in her driveway, but I waited for about ten minutes and sent her a text telling her I was in her driveway and asked whose car was there. She sent me a text and told me to come in. As I got to the door, she was barely dressed, and as I walked in, I saw her old f**k buddy sitting on the couch, with only his shorts on.

Again, we broke up.

About a month later, we started dating, but I could not handle it, so I broke it off. About two months later, we ran into each other, slowly started talking, and eventually got back together. This lasted for about four months, and each day I was very skeptical. Until, one day I was using her cell phone and noticed several calls to her ex, and texts to and from her ex. I did not bother to read them, I just told her to leave and that we were over. I am sticking to it this time, and I am trying to move on, ignoring every type of communication from her.

Why did I stick in it for so long, over and over? Was it for the sex? No, the sex was dull and boring. Was it because she treated me well? Ummm, no, she treated me like dirt most of the time, and never respected me.

So, this post is something that I had been asking myself for over a year. Why am I still in this, if I am not happy? Why am I sticking with her, if she treats me like crap, the sex is boring, and I am certain that I WILL NOT commit to this type of person for the rest of my life?

Now that it has been about two months without her, ignoring her calls, ignoring her constant emails, texts, etc. I can honestly say that I feel "free", less stress, less bulls**t, etc.

[Stay_home]

Nobody wants to be alone and that's what makes it so difficult to break that committment. The fear of being alone and not being able to find anyone else; settling.