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I have never been with a guy like him, and I don't know how to handle it :/

GrowingUp

By GrowingUp
in Dating Advice

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GrowingUp

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He's a nice guy but he tells me these things that bother me. I don't know why they bother me so much. He says he likes to go out alone. He told me before (most of you know) he likes to go dancing, and then yesterday he told me he likes to go to HOOTERS. He says the food is good and blah blah blah. I asked him if he likes to go because of the girls and he said well yeah they have their hooters on display . I felt like really? REALLY? Why is he like this...its really freaking weird. He wasn't joking either. Am I dating a pigish sorta guy? * * * ? I asked him if he looks at their boobs and he was fine with telling me yes and all this stuff. It made me feel gross.

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GrowingUp

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He was like "its just a restaurant". I asked him if he groped them with his eyes and he said "Can a person do that?" and I said well yeah and I explained it by telling him that he was checking them out or whatever, and he said "well if a person can do that, then yes, I guess so" . I feel like why am I even here? Why is he with me?

 

He makes jokes all day long about me, and he says little things like oh you are wearing hooker boots today, and then I'm like "WHAT?!" and then he goes "I'm kidding I'm kidding I like your boots"

 

he does little things like that all day and when I complain about it he says that he IS JUST KIDDING and he means nothing by it. I mean I'm okay with a little picking here and there but it seems like its all the time. I told him this and he says that its NOT all the time and I'm being too sensitive and stuff. We will be watching tv and he says a inside joke that i have nothing to do with and I ask him what it means and he sorta rolls his yes and smirks and ignores me, so I ask him again he is like "I'm not even talking to you" I'm thinking okaaaay we are the only people here. He see's I get upset or annoyed and then he tries to hug me and call me sweetie??? What type of behaviour is this called?

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Jd1983 Explorer

Jd1983

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It's a given guys look at other girls.

 

However, while I give him credit for being honest, he has to learn what to say and what not to say.

 

Let him know that for future reference, you would appreciate it if he kept these thoughts to himself. Guys are really clueless sometimes.

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WockaWocka Explorer

WockaWocka

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Would you feel better if he'd INSISTED that he only goes to Hooters for the food (and only reads Playboy for the articles?

 

I do think the way he said "hooters on display" was weird. He sounds a bit immature and as though he lacks boundaries or filters, like Batya said. Also frankly it sounds like he hasn't dated much. I don't necessarily think it's worth breaking up over these things but I do think you should pay attention to other signs of immaturity.

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Jd1983 Explorer

Jd1983

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Out of curiosity - would it be better if he just lied about it and say he never looks?

 

If he said he didn't, you would automatically assume he was lying right?

 

I learned that sometimes it's best not to ask questions if you can't handle the answer.

 

I was the same way with my bf, I would questions whom he thought was attractive or what may go through his head about things, and when he told me the truth I would get upset. Then he would tell me - what did you want me to lie to you? You know I don't lie to you. If you're going to ask me a question, I'm going to tell you what it is.

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swampyankee Apprentice

swampyankee

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Sounds like, as was said, he's a guy who has little tact, or sense of boundaries.

I'd have to admit, my girlfriend surprises me with the things she says to me and in public. I could see it from day one and I chose to live with it as one of her quirks. I have told her when I've been embarrassed by her and she's developing an edit button - at least in public.

If you are uncomfortable or are embarrassed by it, you need to decide whether you're truly compatible. If not, then move one, it will only grate on you as time goes by.

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april15 Rookie

april15

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Hooters is harmless, it is not a strip club. I like to go to Hooters with the guys. I am certain there are places with better food, so it has a lot to do with the atmosphere of Hooters. I do not want to grope the wait staff and do not consider going there cheating. If my wife asked me if I liked to go there I would say,"Yes the food is good and the atmosphere cool" I don't think she would ask me if I looked at the girls' hooters, but if she did I would try to make light of it, but not lie and say no.

 

Try not to set your bf up with impossible questions, but do not let him off the hook for putting himself in "single" type situations. Does he only like going out dancing by himself or do you go with him?

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Firiel Community Regular

Firiel

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Worst-case scenario: He's a piggish jerk

 

Best-case scenario: He's a fun-loving guy that likes to joke around about things that other people find taboo.

 

If it's the latter, he reminds me of my brother-in-law... a good guy who would be great for certain girls who share his sense of humor and who joke back in a similar manner. But if his joking goes too far already (I'm assuming you haven't been seeing each other long?), it's not going to get any better. You trying to suppress his personality and him hurting you with rather insensitive comments would lead to an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. I kind of feel like this is probably just a case of two good people who just aren't right for each other.

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GrowingUp Collaborator

GrowingUp

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Worst-case scenario: He's a piggish jerk

 

Best-case scenario: He's a fun-loving guy that likes to joke around about things that other people find taboo.

 

If it's the latter, he reminds me of my brother-in-law... a good guy who would be great for certain girls who share his sense of humor and who joke back in a similar manner. But if his joking goes too far already (I'm assuming you haven't been seeing each other long?), it's not going to get any better. You trying to suppress his personality and him hurting you with rather insensitive comments would lead to an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. I kind of feel like this is probably just a case of two good people who just aren't right for each other.

 

I do share the same sense of humor but he is doing it constantly its seems, I guess he doesn't have boundaries...we have been dating since mid November

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DylanNotorious Rookie

DylanNotorious

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That part you wrote about you putting your boots on he called them "hooker boots" - this reminded me of a friend I had who used to taunt his ex-girlfriend with comments like this. He "said he was joking" but he meant it. Every joke, dig and sarcastic comment he meant. This guy sounds the same.

 

You need to dump him. How long are you going to put up with those comments?

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