engraved2008 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 cannot be friends with my recent ex.We have broke up and stood freinds with the hope to reconcile after his graduation.Since he started to see this girl in his town i cannot even talk to him because i hurt..He still wants me in his life ,but the fact that he rejected me last time i hoped to make it work makes me cry and cannot breath when i talk to him... So i cannot be freinds to him and he wants me to call him and such ....but even i miss him still and love him i just cannot unless he says he wants to try again.... He is so happy when he hears my voice and misses my attention alot....How can i be freinds when his voice brings me to tears knowing this is imposible....i feell like i m hostile to him a bit since he is a sweet person... I told him i was not ready to talk to him and i had my reasons.He responded that he will not judge me and asked me to call him anytime i m ready to . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 You did the right thing. Glad he's not judging and backing off. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraBlue Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 If you still have feelings for him, it is not wise to be friends with him. You are on the right path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makayla Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Cut contact with him. It's for the best Hang on in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
engraved2008 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 I know its for the best.Last time he brought up that our initials we left on the tree couple of years a go will stay there forever,and then he said he do not want to hurt me again.He is so dramatic.Thats why i cannot talk to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live-N-Learn Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I tried the FWB thing with my ex post breakup for 11 months, then we tried for 30 days to just be friends. She was calling me everyday and wanting me as her best friend while she dated others. It was pure hell. I finally had a long talk with her and told her I was not ready to be friends and to not contact me again. That I was blocking her on fb and would be in touch if the day ever comes that I want just friendship. Trust me, ignorance is bliss. You do not want to know what they are doing at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
engraved2008 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 I tried the FWB thing with my ex post breakup for 11 months, then we tried for 30 days to just be friends. She was calling me everyday and wanting me as her best friend while she dated others. It was pure hell. I finally had a long talk with her and told her I was not ready to be friends and to not contact me again. That I was blocking her on fb and would be in touch if the day ever comes that I want just friendship. Trust me, ignorance is bliss. You do not want to know what they are doing at all. Kind of FWB he wanted i guess,considering long distance and him dating other women and telling me how this last one he is seeing hates me and how he talks good about me when they fight......its not working this friendship thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manicdogbert Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 When my ex and I broke up, my biggest fear was that I was going to lose my "best friend." But at the same time, it was really difficult to be in contact with him and stay friends because I still had strong feelings for him. My healing was really slow. It wasn't until after I moved out and initiated no contact that my healing gradually got better and easier. Ignorance is definitely bliss. The less you know, the better off you are. But remember, going no contact is strictly for YOUR benefit and healing. It's not a tactic to "try to get him back". It's being away from him so you can heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmajam Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 The more time that he plays games or distances himself from you, the easier it will get to be just friends. The GOOD news is that when you get to that point it won't matter if you're friends or not so no more worry. I know it doesn't seem possible now, I didn't either, but in time it will if you work on yourself and try to be happy and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
engraved2008 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 I can respond to text..... we are 1700 distance....but by phone ,see it still bothers me he is involved with another women.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 He is not helping with your healing and I think deep down he knows it. It is coming accross as quite controlling behaviour when he asks certain things from you, he knows from your body language you are not capable of. You need to be stronger and more assertive in the future, but for now, just avoid any contact to help you heal fast. Hope you are feeling more like your true self again soon. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 you're doing the right thing. assume everytime he contacts you that he's just looking to string you along selfishly as his friend. you can't be his friend if you have romantic feelings, its like intentionally giving yourself emotional cancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin2904 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 When my ex and I broke up, my biggest fear was that I was going to lose my "best friend." But at the same time, it was really difficult to be in contact with him and stay friends because I still had strong feelings for him. THIS right here- has been me!! I even told this to him. I did hang on to hope of us reconciling- even though I see that was not his intention and he still wanted me around as a friend. I tried to be friends with him- because like she said I didn't want to loose my best friend. But it is way too hard to be friends with him. I couldn't take knowing of him with anyone else- I feel for you- OP having to actually know he is with another girl. There is no way I could take that. It was bad enough knowing my ex went out with other girls, kissed other girls etc. Short answer is if you still love the person you can not be friends with them. I'm convinced you can't. Go NC and just get away. It will make you feel better. I am slowly starting to feel a little better. I feel like these lyrics sum it up SO well- Trey Songz- Just Friends And it ain't no way in hell That I can be just friends with you And I wish we never did it And I wish we never loved it And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends When ever I think about wanting to remain friends with my ex I think of these lyrics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live-N-Learn Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Friendship never works when you still love the ex. In reality it is not a real friendship cuz they can not tell you about who they are dating cuz they know it will hurt you. If they do tell you then you live in the land of torture. Better to get away and heal. If the day ever comes you have no problem hearing about who they are sleeping with then and only then do you have a chance at a real friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
engraved2008 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 Friendship never works when you still love the ex. In reality it is not a real friendship cuz they can not tell you about who they are dating cuz they know it will hurt you. If they do tell you then you live in the land of torture. Better to get away and heal. If the day ever comes you have no problem hearing about who they are sleeping with then and only then do you have a chance at a real friendship. Yes...he told me few month a go he sees someone,but thats because i went to visit him in his town... he was not going to tell me because i d get mad at him.Told me i was better than her,but he is not an ugly guy and girls want him.U know the funny part is that i stood freinds with my exes ,but it was mutual,no hard feelings,because we were done romantically with each other.This one tried passes on me and stuff ,with no strings attached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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