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does she want to get back together? or does she want me friend-zoned?

johnm3

By johnm3
in Getting Back Together

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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please refer to this post:

 

 

that's my story and the latest update.

 

now tonight she texts me twice:

"Hey can we still text?"

 

and then

 

"Johnny.."

 

she hasn't called me johnny since we were madly in love, but I don't know if that means anything.

 

I dont really want any contact with her, but I'd be open to listening to her saying she'll change her ways if we get back, even though its a huge risk for me to take.

 

I also feel bad for ignoring her, I just imagine her sitting there experiencing the same pain I was when she was ignoring me pre-breakup.

 

I don't want to say "I only want to talk to you if you're open to reconciliation" because that would be a lovely safety net for her.

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catcountry Collaborator

catcountry

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Hey...I'm coming from a LDR "place" myself. All I can say is unless she says herself that she wants to reconcile and change, than maintain NC...if only for yourself and your own healing process. I blocked every avenue posible for the person that invades my head and heart. He can no longet text me with BS. I figure if there is something important he can "man up" and call. Until then...nothing. YOU MUST THINK OF YOU...don't let her "confusion" or whatever it is get to you.

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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I don't think she's gonna come out and say she wants to reconcile... at this point, she most likely thinks I don't want to, because she knows I've been getting along much better without her in my life.

 

is there a way to find out if she wants to reconcile without dealing with rejection?

 

I really don't want a broken girlfriend, either... she still is so lost.

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catcountry Collaborator

catcountry

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Hun...there it is...you just said it yourself. "I really don't want a broken GF, she is still so lost" You need to get on with you and let her be. Do you really want to be strung along? Not saying that she is...but it hasn't been that long, right? NC and get on with your life. I guarentee that you will feel differently in a month or so. How old are u/she?

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catcountry Collaborator

catcountry

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There you go...you again said it yourself. I'm older, but at 18...she has no idea what she wants, immature or not. Move on hun, don't let her play with your emotions. NC...if and when she wants to get with you she will make it known. I did, unfortunately I still ended up with nothing. It's been about a month NC. There are good and bad days, but I know that I'm better off. Just speaking from experience here. Wish you the best!

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somewhere Newbie

somewhere

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I feel like I'm stringing her along at this point - should I just say "It was nice to hear you're doing well, but I'm still not comfortable being friends." ?

 

I agree with the rest. Being friends will hurt you because you cannot stop how you feel for her and yet she will seem indifferent. You will be down for a long time and miss out on even better girls that come your way. If you think there are none like her out there...trust me, there are!

 

A few people on this site went through it including me. I've found a wonderful girl right now that I am deciding about. I will take things slow because i need some of my own space. I got around to hanging out with my friends a lot and rediscovered how much fun it was.

 

It is a good idea to compose yourself and really take some time apart with NC. You'll eventually figure out what you want.

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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I agree with the rest. Being friends will hurt you because you cannot stop how you feel for her and yet she will seem indifferent. You will be down for a long time and miss out on even better girls that come your way. If you think there are none like her out there...trust me, there are!

 

A few people on this site went through it including me. I've found a wonderful girl right now that I am deciding about. I will take things slow because i need some of my own space. I got around to hanging out with my friends a lot and rediscovered how much fun it was.

 

It is a good idea to compose yourself and really take some time apart with NC. You'll eventually figure out what you want.

 

I'm not even giving friends consideration -- I'm trying to avoid the friend zone here, but I'm mainly trying to figure out if she wants me as friends or if she wants me back but is guarding her feelings so she doesn't get rejected as well.

 

I'm mainly trying to figure out if I should ignore her or send her a short message saying I'm not comfortable being friends

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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I think I should send her a message because every time she contacts me it sets me back.

 

please share your opinions, its getting late, gotta go to bed soon -- ignore or sending a short message, and what the message should read.

 

thank you

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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I don't want her to view me as a safety net... lol.

 

im confuzzled

 

all I'm trying to figure out is if I should send her a message saying I don't wanna be friends (even tho she knows I don't want to be her friend & I don't want to see her with other guys)

 

or

 

ignore her. I feel weird ignoring her because I talked to her on the phone the other day... even though she brought up a ludicrous subject at the end, the conversation went well for the most part.

 

but I also feel weird saying I don't wanna be friends because she knows this and it just seems repetitive and weak.

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dramallama Enthusiast

dramallama

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If she already knows that you don't want to be her friend, and she knows that you don't want to hear about other guys, or her talking about birth control, then she's probably figured out that you still have feelings for her more than a friend. If you feel like she's heard it all before, then SHOW her that you do not want to be a part of her life and that you want to move on. Talk is cheap. Action (ignoring calls and texts, blocking her from facebook, not seeing her person) will back-up your plan to move on. It's really not that hard, and she doesn't need an explanation. Let your action do the talking, but most of all, start NC so that you can move on for yourself.

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johnm3 Apprentice

johnm3

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If she already knows that you don't want to be her friend, and she knows that you don't want to hear about other guys, or her talking about birth control, then she's probably figured out that you still have feelings for her more than a friend. If you feel like she's heard it all before, then SHOW her that you do not want to be a part of her life and that you want to move on. Talk is cheap. Action (ignoring calls and texts, blocking her from facebook, not seeing her person) will back-up your plan to move on. It's really not that hard, and she doesn't need an explanation. Let your action do the talking, but most of all, start NC so that you can move on for yourself.

 

ok good thats my plan -- yeah, she KNOWS I don't want to be her friend, she knows I don't want to hear about her with other guys, I couldn't have made that more clear... I feel like a dumba5s repeating the obvious, luckily I didn't respond.

 

thank you.

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