-Sanguine- Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm just kind of curious about something.. When you are in the beginning stages of getting to know someone and dating, how often do you speak to them in between dates? And do you text them or call them or how exactly do you go about communicating with them? Thanks.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess watson Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 i wouldn't mind getting a text every couple of days, but this new guy i am dating likes to text me at least once a day. if i responded all the time, it would probably be around 5 messages each per day! i am not too happy, seems to much effort ... he never calls (but IS single lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I guess it depends on how far apart the dates are. I'm much older than you but when I was dating the dates were usually once or twice a week and we'd probably talk once in between. With my husband we talked almost every day from the start whether it was a text or call or getting together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I am used to speaking to whoever I'm dating at least once a day, usually over text or a phone call. But the guy I am interested in now seems to only contact me when he wants to hang out. It would be nice to hear from him more often. But at the same time, when we are together he seems very into me so I'm not sure what to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterPo Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 About once a day, phone call to ask how the day went and make plans. Usually leads to something she wants to do and I do my best to accommodate. I miss the "errand dates" with my EX, it involved paying bills and visiting various shops and places she normally would not go. Maybe toss in a surprise tailgate lunch, don't know but the keepers were the one's very happy with sharing a sandwich with me off the beaten path. I wonder if I'll ever do it again. Blah. Sure I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Each person is different, so you need to talk to him about it... For me, I always like to talk about once a day when dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Sanguine- Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Each person is different, so you need to talk to him about it... For me, I always like to talk about once a day when dating. True.. We met in December and tried to find a date that would work for both of us but his schedule was crazy busy and it was very close to my Christmas break so nothing seemed to work. We didn't really keep in contact for about 3 weeks and then he texted me and wished me a happy new years and asked if we could hopefully see each other soon. He also offered me free tickets to a play he was in. Then I didn't hear from him until I saw him on Friday night and we really hit it off and he asked me to go out on Monday night for a date. I haven't really heard from him since, but I do know he is really really busy. Guess I'm just used to guys wanting to know what I'm up to, etc. but he doesn't really make conversation over text. To each their own, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Mine and CS's dating experience was a tad different than most conventional ones but when we started talking it was every day pretty much all day long. But you have to remember we started off in an LDR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 All of my ex boyfriends use to contact me like 5 zillion times a day.. text, emails, phone calls. They were also not the emotionally healthiest of people. When I started dating the current guy, he only contacted me to set up dates and make plans. I was very frustrating because I was use to getting a gazillion emails from the guys, not hearing from him every three to four days. As time went on, he started calling me more often if we couldn't meet up for four or five days, or if I had something big going on. I have a friend who's been dating a guy for SEVEN years, and he still doesn't call her more than two to three times a week. And he's a really great guy who moved accross the country to be with her. So, not all guys are phone people and that's not a bad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyDate Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Oh my goodness! This is exactly what I am experiencing and I have been complaining about this in my other posts!! I am seeing this guy 2.5 months since Halloween Day and I am so frustrated that he only calls or text me to set up dates/make plans. Just like how your guy now. But he still has not told me I am official GF yet. But when we are together/meetup he would spend alot of time with me...such as more than 14 hrs each time, recently. And sometimes when he does call me to setup dates he would chat with me for 1 hour!!! So are you saying some guys are like that but it does not mean they are bad or cheating or etc? You know I am still frustrated coz I miss him I guess or perhaps I am needy. I wish he can at least text me one line "Wassup, how's ur day?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I met this guy on NYE and we have been talking everyday and on the phone twice a week. We are LD though and will only see eachother in 2 weeks... We got progressively closer though. First we'd talk every other day and now we talk every day. But I guess everyone is different really... Specially if you are not LD, you don't need to talk everyday, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Usually we would talk on the phone every few days and email every few days but more if there was something of interest to email about -and some instant messaging. If I wasn't yet dating the man and we first contacted through a dating site, a few emails, one or two phone calls and then we would meet in person. With my husband since we knew each other from before, once we got back together (after about a month of platonic get togethers - 3 of them-where we talked/emailed a few times in between) we spoke every day and emailed -we were long distance and our first date once we were a couple again was two weeks after we decided. I always found too much IMing (I didn't text at all) to be a bad way to get to know the person because it gave a false sense of knowing each other's daily lives and it was sometimes hard to adjust to talking face to face- phone also required an adjustment but not as much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I really think it depends on the people involved. I chat with guys I'm dating every couple of days or so, and even then usually through a text or e-mail rather than phone, and see them maybe once or twice a week...I just don't really like talking to anyone unless I have something important to say (small talk like "how's work?" to me is just a waste of brain cells.) I was always baffled by people who texted their sig others multiple times a day because I just can't imagine what they can possible be talking about. But then again I am more on the reserved side in most aspects of my life, which means I chat even less with people considered my best friends and see them even less (sometimes once or twice a month)...I'm just not a talker/socializer in general. I tend to date guys more like me, so generally communicating one to two (maybe three?) times a week and seeing one another once or twice a week has been the end result, and I've always been fine with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 What I found in serious relationships is that the small stuff often is what bonds you and enhances or creates intimacy -I like that we want to know the smaller stuff about each other - and we also have private/inside jokes about that stuff too. It's not all about brain cells - it's about emotions, too. The dream I had the other night would have probably bored anyone but my husband, sister, perhaps a close friend and I forgot about it by the next day -but it makes me feel closer to my husband to tell him about it. We like to watch some reality TV together -total waste of brain cells, nothing to do with our combined over 15 years of higher education, but we love joking around through the show and trying to one-up each other. And I like that we can go from that to an intense --taxing on our brain cells -discussion on literature, politics, life, whatever. We do not text/email throughout the day - usually a less than 5 minute chat once -but when we were dating and only seeing each other every 10-14 days or so those nightly 45 minute conversations were a great and fun way to share and also wind down. Definitely whatever works for you -don't do small talk if you don't want to- but I wouldn't dismiss it as a waste of brain cells especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Yea.. some guys are just like that. And yes, it doesn't mean that they are bad or cheating. My ex boyfriends use to call me all the time, but that's because they were needy. I'd rather be with a guy who is secure in himself and calls because he wants to talk to me, even if it's less often than I'd like, than someone who calls me all the time because he needs to talk to feel good about himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I apologize Batya, you're right, "waste of brain cells" is probably way too strong language for what I meant to convey...yes, in my experience, I have never found small talk to bond me to anyone, family or friends included, and it's not really something I've ever questioned about myself...it's just my own personal style/mental configuration, and it was unfair for me to phrase it that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I apologize Batya, you're right, "waste of brain cells" is probably way too strong language for what I meant to convey...yes, in my experience, I have never found small talk to bond me to anyone, family or friends included, and it's not really something I've ever questioned about myself...it's just my own personal style/mental configuration, and it was unfair for me to phrase it that way. It's totally fine no worries. It reminds me though of Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts' character has an "aha" moment when she realizes that none of her ex-fiancees knew how she liked her eggs prepared -ergo, they didn't really know her intimately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 It's totally fine no worries. It reminds me though of Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts' character has an "aha" moment when she realizes that none of her ex-fiancees knew how she liked her eggs prepared -ergo, they didn't really know her intimately. Haha that's an interesting reference, and I'm sure there are things on which I'm missing out. But just for the heck of it, I'd posit that a man who really cares will find other ways to discover how the girl he's dating likes her eggs, aside from her having to constantly tell or remind him...for e.g. I've had boyfriends watch how I ordered my coffee on a date (raspberry syrup, skim milk, two equal) or how I ordered an omelet at brunch and then buy those "ingredients" to surprise me with a similar meal at home later on. Of course I agree as time goes on and the initial courtship phase wears off, it's much more important to communicate on the smaller details and preferences more regularly, and that includes "small talk" such as "Hey honey what do you want to have for dinner tonight?" but I think that's more necessary to keep the relationship going as a practical matter rather than as a method for bonding or an indication that a guy is interested. Then again, I may be delving into semantics and unnecessarily splitting hairs here...but I guess that's the way I've always seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 The men who have been the most interested in me have called me daily, even if just to say hi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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