What helps you move on?

[rosarioT]

I've an idea. Why don't we all share positive things that have helped us cope with the break up. What kind of *positive* thoughts are the ones that help you believe in yourself, what words click on your head when you are feeling very vulnerable and wanting to break NC. What tips u got to share that have helped you heal either now or in the past when you were in similar situations? Songs, movies, activities, I don't know, let's all just share what has worked on the healing process

[rosarioT]

1) These thoughts have helped me a lot:

*This person didn't break us apart. Our relation was broken for a while.

*I have to forgive myself and forgive him.

*My issues are about control, I've to let go of the past to be able to open room for a great future.

*No-one belongs to you, no-one is yours forever.

*Some relations aren't meant to be fixed. they are meant to end.

*Time heals everything.

*These feelings won't last forever

*I've already been through many other painful experiences and I've survived.

*I've some faults but I'm still a good person

 

2) Read ENA and realize I'm not alone, also sometimes through others experiences I can see myself reflected and try to avoid the same mistakes.

3) Don't listen to music.

4) Don't go into facebook

5) Eat healthy meals

6) Go for a walk

7) Call a friend and vent away

8) Post here my feelings

[allsunny]

Make new goals and focus your attention on them.

Work out.

Save money.

or

Shop.

Find new hobbies.

Drive around.

Browse stores.

Help others who might be experiencing the same thing.

Tell yourself that you deserve the best, and that the best would never break your heart.

[LarsWB]

NC and time have been the two main factors in my moving on....posting here helps cope while time passes, keeping your mind and body busy while time passes, and trying to be in the moment - every moment...instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. You have a great list, spot on, and is pretty much exactly what I would have written.

It gets better! I know, I'm beginning to experience it and I never thought I would.

Good luck

[MasterPo]

Probably exercise and "breakup" research. ENA stories on the "pain" and reconcilliation helped immensely when I first discovered this site.

 

As time goes on I'm in a weird phase now. I know I'm basically done but I still have this "thing" that she will come back. All logic says otherwise and its getting me pretty down. I've stopped exercising this week and work on more mental activities; resume, car repair, etc. Probably just a phase but it makes me anxious, I suppose the reality of her never coming back has to be overcomed. Sucks. It really does.

[adamt]

1) stay in NC

2) block them on facebook.

3) remove all photos, stick them on cd and give them to someone to look after until you are healed

4) whenever you feel like talking to the ex, pick up the phone and call a good friend.

5) join a gymand go as often as you can. hard at first but push yourself to get fit

6) eat more health

7) once you lose weight from gym and healthy food b uy new clothes and have a make over. getitng in better shape will help to rebuild your confidence

8) take up hobbies and activities the more physical the better.

9) read books before going to sleep. will take your mind off things

10) dont spend nights in alone festering

11) make mroe effort to socialise with friends

12) motivation will be hard sometimes and you wont want to gety out of bed but force yourself to get out of the house

[Eduardo]

Nice thread!

 

- Remember that I've learned things that will make the next relationship better than the last one;

- Start doing everything I would be doing if this person never showed up in my life;

- Read, study, learn something new to keep my mind off sad thoughts;

- Run to people you're still important to;

- Understand that I'm not the center of the universe, that there are a lot of people out here in worse conditions;

- Walk through town, appreciate the night sky, the moon;

- Pray more, search for some spirituality...

[hermano]

NC and time have been the two main factors in my moving on....posting here helps cope while time passes, keeping your mind and body busy while time passes, and trying to be in the moment - every moment...instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. You have a great list, spot on, and is pretty much exactly what I would have written.

It gets better! I know, I'm beginning to experience it and I never thought I would.

Good luck

 

Can't agree more. Time is the healer, and keeping busy makes the time pass that much faster. Make a list of goals, things that YOU value, and make sure at least some of them are easy to do whenever. For me, laying in bed at night trying not to think about the ex can be tough. So I made sure to add reading to my list of goals, and picked a list of books that are either focused on self improvement or just things that I'm interested in. It's amazing how much easier it is to fall asleep immediately after making progress to a goal that I set and that I believe in. Of course, this is just one example, but these sorts of things have worked wonders for me.

 

"I cannot think of a better way that we can celebrate freedom than to make up a set of goals and go beat 'em" -311

[Hell_On_Heels]

Beng in the sun helped me a lot, whether taking a walk, or just sitting in a park. Feeling the warmth on my face made me feel better.

Visualizing my life in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years. Detailed pictures - no skimming, lol

Scheduling grieving time and letting it all out during those hours.

Knowing that my happiness or unhappiness was entirely in my hands.

There is no good-guy/bad-guy.

Life is an adventure, and like all adventure stories, there are moments of intense crisis. These define us and our strengthen our character.

[iBroken]

Knowing that my relationship with my ex was a fraud from the get go.

 

Knowing that I was worth more. It also helped that I was getting a lot of attention from girls and could do something about it since I was single

[apple89]

Knowing that Karma is. * * * * * .. And those who hurt and left you when you neede thrm the most will get something worse than what they did to you, because they really don't deserve to be happy if they are capable of hurting you the way they did...

 

A couple years ago my bf cheated on me we had a very bad break up.. A year later when the girl and him were "together" she cheatd on her again, as a revenge she made him believe she has pregnant for a whole month, this guy was freaking out thinking about dropping of school...

 

All I had to say was HA KARMA IS A * * * * *

[jimmajam]

Nobody is perfect, including your ex.

Most dumpers blame themselves, but they need to realize that in on way was it all their fault no matter the situation. There are little and big thing throughout a relationship that cause a breakup. Some you don't realize right away and some take a lot of time after you breakup to see. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Just because you said you'd love your ex forever and meant ever last word doesn't mean you have to mourn forever.

 

From my own experience and reading this board a lot of people are hung up because stuff they or their ex said. Example: "I'll love you forever" "I'll always be there for you" or that they just truly believe you'd be together forever. I think a lot of people feel guilty if they don't feel bad about the breakup. I know I did. I would constantly ask myself months after it "Am I really this sad?" There was a second of clarity where I told myself "Sure it hurts, but it's not THAT bad", right before I'd convince myself I need to be or I'd feel guilty. Next time you get really down ask yourself that and look at the BIG picture of life. Take the time you need, but don't let it consume your life for months.

[Ryme]

Great idea for a thread!

 

I wouldn't say I've let go completely yet, but I'm definitely getting there! Things that have helped me:

 

- Using ENA - there's a wealth of useful advice here, and people are patient and keen to help. It would have taken me a lot longer to get to this stage without talking to you guys,

 

- Doing something for myself - socialising is hard, as I have a little girl to look after, but there are two things that I am doing just for myself which have helped - one is attending a slimming class (lost 47lb so far, I feel like a different person!), the other is picking up my distance learning photography degree again, and really working hard at it,

 

- Accepting that whatever will be, will be! My husband appears to have moved on. I'm 99% sure that he'll never come back to me. The 1% is something I don't think about too much because I don't really have any control over it,

 

- Being attracted to someone else. The feelings that attraction gives you are wonderful, even if it's not requited. Just please don't do what I've done and fall for your boss!

 

Things really do get easier. I'm still finding it hard to be a single parent, but I'm getting used to it and don't feel unduly worried or stressed about the future.

[adamt]

being dumped by my ex is the worst thing I have had to go through in my life to date. thankfully I remained in NC and so she hasnt a clue how hard it hit me. Its going to stay like that. I never thought i would get over her. took me a good 12 months to really feel strong enough. these things can take time and there is no quick fix. you just have to keep taking small steps. 18 months on she still occupies some of my thoughts but i may have met someone recently who gives me that feel good factor and starting to think about her more. she likes me too. so its exciting and really good feeling to feel there could be mutual feelings with someone new. For me I have to meet someone knew to fill that gap and move on. just get active and stay as busy as possible.

 

you will heal eventually if you really want to and help push yourself along, but there will always be some emotional scars in there somewhere.

[DaveTrump]

We all have pasts and memories attached to them. So how do we move on from our current situation where the past is still an active part of our thought process?

 

Loads of things have helped me.

 

The main ones are:

 

No Contact (including deletion from social sites, and contact with mutual friends)

 

Laughing...sounds odd but it has incredible healing powers. Even if you aren't out with friends laughing, then watch a funny movie instead of putting on some mushy music or film. It really worked for me. Imagine a whole day of just pure laughter!

 

OK, so you're feeling better already. It's not so much as tricking your mind but really giving yourself a break. Realisation; Chill out, relax and realise there are things in life that you just can't control...

 

Next step would be doing some light exercise - enough to get your pulse level up. doesn't have to be a hard core workout. Just enough to release some positive hormones into your system. Try to do this a few times a week.

 

Avoid comfort eating & enjoy healthy food. It's your body so respect it and you'll feel benefit from that. Again, there's no reason you cant treat yourself to pizza once a month...all in moderation though!

 

so you've gone NC, you're laughing a lot, doing some exercise, realising you cannot control everything, and eating healthily. You're well on your way to getting over the past and moving forward.

[Squiggy]

For all the breakups in my life... i did the same thing over and over lol

 

1. play love songs

2. i remind myself that its okay that i feel that way.

3. the stronger the hurt, the more human i am.

4. better to love than none at all.

5. i try to remember my first heart ache

 

I know that only time will heal the pain. But during the hurt, I remind myself that it is okay. It's okay to feel and that I loved someone. There are those that never loved another at all. And the feeling in my heart, the stronger it is, the better it will make me be. I dunno, i've had so many break ups that sometimes i miss that too

[rosarioT]

 

From my own experience and reading this board a lot of people are hung up because stuff they or their ex said. Example: "I'll love you forever" "I'll always be there for you" or that they just truly believe you'd be together forever. I think a lot of people feel guilty if they don't feel bad about the breakup. I know I did. I would constantly ask myself months after it "Am I really this sad?" There was a second of clarity where I told myself "Sure it hurts, but it's not THAT bad", right before I'd convince myself I need to be or I'd feel guilty. Next time you get really down ask yourself that and look at the BIG picture of life. Take the time you need, but don't let it consume your life for months.

 

Loved this... it is so true... sometimes we allow ourselves to make things bigger than they are, and yes it is sad and hard, but when I look at the big picture I see that many of my emotions are just the end result not of what happened between me and my ex, but of all the stupid thoughts I let enter my head.

[rosarioT]

- Doing something for myself - socialising is hard, as I have a little girl to look after, but there are two things that I am doing just for myself which have helped - one is attending a slimming class (lost 47lb so far, I feel like a different person!), the other is picking up my distance learning photography degree again, and really working hard at it,

 

Congratulations on the weight loss, one of the good thing about the break up is that motivation u get to look ur best... so I'm very proud of u... and way to go on working for your degree... hugs!!!

[rosarioT]

*Block his calls

*Don't expect nothing from him.

*Tell him like it is, without being fake about all he's put me through.

*Expressing my pain and my anger

*Watching brother's and sister's

*Avoiding stupid romantic movies

*Getting real about what love truly is and how nothing is forever really.

*Knowing that later on, we'll meet again if is meant to be.

*Loving myself instead of expecting to be loved by someone else.

[rosarioT]

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

“If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be.”

“You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again.”

“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either.”

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.”

“The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.”

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me – I’m going to smile.”

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”

[geekgirl4]

Deleting/removing anything of him in my life. Cards, pictures, phone number, email, everything. It helped that we don't travel in the same social circles and have very different day schedules. I'm also terrible at remembering numbers so I won't ever drunk dial him. We have a few places that we mutually go to, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes. Getting rid of things really helped me put things where it should be - in the past. It drove home the idea that yes, I had something great, but lingering on it won't make it come back.

 

Working out. Oh man, it was so tough getting my lazy bum moving but after a week, it started to really help in boosting my mood. And the fact that just a week of hard work was already showing some results gave me my first good day since the break up. Seriously, go run.

 

Cooking. I had cooked often in the past for my ex, and always with the intention of choosing and creating something he would enjoy. I decided it's time for some ME time and I started practicing cooking delicious dishes that I would love. I'm not a very good cook, but I certainly am getting better.

 

Go out with friends. Not with the intent of picking up guys but to remember that I'm excellent in social conditions and it's a nice excuse to dress up.