woot Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Ok so let me get straigh to the point. My bestfriend's girlfriend (i'll call her A) is racist against black people and spanish people. REALLY racist. Like wanting to join the KKK racist (in her words). Me and my bestfriend are both mixed with black and white(i'll call my bestfriend B). They've been talking for about 3 weeks and made it official about 2 weeks ago, so they've known each other for about 5 weeks. B told me this recently after i had met her and it made me really uncomfortable because im half black and so is my family and, and so if my bestfriend's family. I have a very low tolerance for racism, because it's STUPID. Skin color is only a COLOR and shouldn't matter how you treat someone, well at least in my opinion. Anyway, the reason why i'm so uncomfortable is because B is VERY easily iunfluenced by her partners. She's already acting competely different and it bothers me because this isn't her at all. The other night we were at a book store and A called, and i was putting on lipgloss, and B said ' you put on lipgloss like a BLACK GIRL' like that, and said to A on the phone ' hey hey hey baby! Guess what?!? She puts on lipgloss like a BLACK GIRLLLL haha'. I feel she only did it to kinda show off for A or something. To like make her proud or something, that's the vibe i got from it. And it makes me upset because A talked all this crap about black people and about spanish people saying stuff like 'they're all lazy and stupid and ghetto with wide noses and don't want to work ect ect.' I said something to B about how i felt and how i felt A wasn't really a good influence on her, but she's convinced 'she's the one'. A told B that the only reason why she's talking to B in the first place is because B doesn't 'act like the rest of them'. It really really bothers me because i feel like im losing my bestfriend to beliefs she didn't have until this person came along, and they've only been talking this short period of time. Some people might think im over reacting, but i dont care. She's my bestfriend and i want what's best for her. Any advice on what i an do besides voice my opinion again? Thank you to everyone who responds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captchapitcha Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I don't have anything substantive to contribute to this thread, but let me get this straight: A is a "racist" lesbian who wants to join the KKK but is also dating B, a lesbian who is half-black? Does she even know what the KKK's ideologies entail? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not sure there is anything you can do here. It sounds like your best friend has some self-hate issues going on she seems already consumed by this new relationship. If I were you, I would back off from this friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I am a bit confused...as catchapitcha state, A is racist but dating your friend who is of mixed race? If you honestly feel this person is racist her is what I would do. 1) Do not get mad. This will only re-enforce her twisted way of thinking. 2) When she says something racist break it down intellectually. For example is she says something like, "You put lipgloss on like a black girl" gentle question her, "What do you mean? How do blacks apply make up differently? I learn this application process in a magazine." etc Or, "(insert race) is (insert insult)" you can reply by pointing out historical example of her being wrong. Basically politely make her look like an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I don't have anything substantive to contribute to this thread, but let me get this straight: A is a "racist" lesbian who wants to join the KKK but is also dating B, a lesbian who is half-black? Does she even know what the KKK's ideologies entail? LOL Exactly. Yes that's exactly the situation. I guess she doesn't because it doesn't make a bit of sense to me. I didn't hear A say that, B told me that's what she said sometime lastweek. Sounds crazy right? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think your best bet is to do what I do - stay away from racists and people who support them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think your best bet is to do what I do - stay away from racists and people who support them. Amen to that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not sure there is anything you can do here. It sounds like your best friend has some self-hate issues going on she seems already consumed by this new relationship. If I were you, I would back off from this friendship. I was starting to feel that way, but i just don't want to give up on her so soon you know? We've been bestfriends for about 8 or 9 years, and she ALWAYS gets this way when she meets someone new who she's really into. ALWAYS. I don't get it at all, and i always tell her this. She's extremely insecure with herself, so maybe that has something to do with it. She came from a VERY small town, that was all white(her family was the only mixed family there) and she used to act similar to A from what she's told me. She told me that her family used to tell them to 'act white' when they were younger,(don't see how you can act a color though) because they already looked different and didn't want their lives to be even harder then what they were going to be because they were mixed. When she moved down here (SC) all of that changed (at least i thought it did) and she embraced being mixed and people of all races. I did cut back on talking to her as much because she DEFINTELY not the same girl i know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Unfortunately, not all best friends last an entire lifetime, and you have to make a choice on whether this friendship is worth it. She's an adult, and needs to make her own decisions, as well as learning her own lessons. Don't involve yourself in this, as it's not worth your time and effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I am a bit confused...as catchapitcha state, A is racist but dating your friend who is of mixed race? If you honestly feel this person is racist her is what I would do. 1) Do not get mad. This will only re-enforce her twisted way of thinking. 2) When she says something racist break it down intellectually. For example is she says something like, "You put lipgloss on like a black girl" gentle question her, "What do you mean? How do blacks apply make up differently? I learn this application process in a magazine." etc Or, "(insert race) is (insert insult)" you can reply by pointing out historical example of her being wrong. Basically politely make her look like an idiot. Yes. She told B that she is a racist and she said that she's talking to B because she doesn't act liek the rest of the black population and (forgot to mention this) because she doesn't look black or have black features. B could pass for a white woman, so i guess that's why A is ok with it. I told B it's weird that A says she racist, but yet you're half black. I don't think a racist would want to be intimate with the race they dislike. It's all weird to me, but it bothers me at the same time. And thank you for your tips, I was actually going to do things like that the next time B said something like that and if A ever says something out the way while im in their prescence. I just think it's an ignorant way to think all around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think your best bet is to do what I do - stay away from racists and people who support them. I think you're right, but it's just harder because it's my best friend that's involved, and i do care about her well being. I don't like it one bit. I am going to limit my time with my bestfriend until she gets some sense back into her though. Do you think maybe i should try to talk to her one more time about the way i feel though? Or do you think it'll do no good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think you could try talking to her one last time but I am always weary of having those types of talks with a friend when their significant other is so obviously not a good person or not someone they should be dating. I've tried this before with friends in the past, even subtly saying "you guys seem to fight a lot" and the reaction is ALWAYS defensive. Often times when the inevitable breakup happens (may happen years later but it usually happens where the problems are so blatantly obvious) I think "told you so" but I never actually say it because of course it would be rude to say. I find that often times friends with defend a bad relationship until they are blue in the face and all you can really do is voice your opinion and then back off and let them make their mistakes and hopefully figure it out for themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Unfortunately, not all best friends last an entire lifetime, and you have to make a choice on whether this friendship is worth it. She's an adult, and needs to make her own decisions, as well as learning her own lessons. Don't involve yourself in this, as it's not worth your time and effort. I know! I always saw us as being friend forever (lol ) but if she is seriously going to pursue a relationship with someone like this, i don't think im going to be able to be a close friend like i am now. She already knows i don't tolerate stuff like this, plus my child is 3/4 black, so it just makes me more and more uncomfortable. I'm kinda worried that A will end up persuading her to do something stupid, and B will follow on through with it without worrying about consequences or something. Like i said, she's easily influenced by her partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Years ago I saw a show on TV might of been Dr. phil or something like that. They took about six people who all hated another group of people (a skinny woman who hated over-weight people, and an over weight man who thought all skinny people were two faced and untrustworthy) There was a man who was racist against blacks, there was black woman who printed three pages of all the things that black people have invented. It had a profound effect on that man. Education is the best defense against prejudice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think im going to try and talk to her when A leaves to go back home tomorrow. I'm tired of these kind of talks already about this girl. Hopefully with A gone, B will be able to think a littl emore clearly or maybe see where im coming from. Maybe it'll make sense when we don't talk as much because of A. I really hate to do this, so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Is B in touch with the black side of her family? Is she close with them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Years ago I saw a show on TV might of been Dr. phil or something like that. They took about six people who all hated another group of people (a skinny woman who hated over-weight people, and an over weight man who thought all skinny people were two faced and untrustworthy) There was a man who was racist against blacks, there was black woman who printed three pages of all the things that black people have invented. It had a profound effect on that man. Education is the best defense against prejudice. Really? Well i don't know if that would work on this person, but i could try. She told B that the reason why she became racist is because her dad was racist and because of what she saw for 8 years of being in the military. It would be great if it worked though, so i will def. keep that in mind. And i *think* i may have seen that show too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woot Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Is B in touch with the black side of her family? Is she close with them? NO!! It's her dad's side, and she HATES them all! She can't STAND them. I think she met them once when she was younger, and she said she didn't like them at all. Her dad cheated a LOT on her mom, so i was guessing that's why she didn't like them. Plus her dad abandoned them to go off with some other woman, and that was another reason why i think she didn't like them. she didn't come out and tell me that though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I would just back off from the friendship. You might be able to be friends again when she realizes what is going on or after they break up, but until then I would not associate myself with her. Just stay away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think your best bet is to do what I do - stay away from racists and people who support them. I agree with this. I couldn't stomach being around someone who professed interest in joining the KKK; I'd be way too uncomfortable. It sounds like your friend's girlfriend is not only a racist, but also a hypocrite -- she hates black people but she's dating someone who is half black? The hypocrisy just adds another whole dimension of "wrong-ness" to this. I'd steer clear of both of these people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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