sfindependent Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 i decided to post a new thread here because I didn't want to threadjack a different thread I'm just like the rest of you. Hurt, confused, anxious and angry. My girl whom I promised to love wholeheartedly said she doesn't love me anymore. Doesn't feel the same way I do, and cannot see a future with me anymore. Why? I treated her like a queen! I catered to her every whim. I went out of my way, my usual way, to make sure I was in this relationship like a trooper. But suddenly there was a shift. I became the girl (no offense ladies, u know I love you) in the relationship and she was the guy. she became emotionally unavailable, distant and got pushed further away the more I explored. I won't bore you with the details but I love her, treated her right but was not emotionally mature to handle being the man in the relationship. I became needy, too available and controlling. I did not cultivate, but I did force the relationship to grow. My mistake. I also went about and forgot my pride of being a man. I woke up today begging for sex (we still live together and sleep in the same bed after being broken up for two weeks now) to which of course she replied "this is making me uncomfortable"...that was a low point for me. She never wanted to have sex anymore, told me I'm unattractive to her.. she was honest and tried to be kind with her words but the pain was still the same.begging? what??? since when??? Later on I decided to spend the day with my friend instead of partying with her to drink all day (she's still not home and have been out since 2pm)... I'm going crazy with thoughts of "who did she meet, is she ffff someone? she hasn't had any in weeks and may jump with the first person she feels the tingles for"... ugh. what happened to us? More importantly, what happened to me? I'm such the girl, i need to man up. In the course of my relationship with her, I've forgotten to love myself. i moved things I usually get pleasure from to make sure she's ok with it... like hiking... I love hiking and she hates it. She says its too cold, too difficult and I agreed so i would stay home and watch TV instead. I loved mountain biking. I loved my cars. I love just spending the day hanging out under the sun instead of waking up late and staying in watching TV all day. Our activity turned into just coming home from work and having happy hour. I've spent so much of my money and self consuming alcohol it's not even funny anymore. I want more out of her than just drinking and partying. I had a Drunk in Public arrest recently even... and one before I met her. I've got a pretty big position in the company i work for and I can't waste that away. But my approach was different. I argued about it, i made her feel bad for not feeling the way i do for her... and I pushed her away. They say it takes two to tango and despite me thinking I was the good guy, in essence I wasnt. I was the bad guy disguised as the good guy, and she probably felt it. Now I'm sitting here half panicking about what could she have done, who she couldve met at the art show today. but then i'm thinking, what am i doing? Why am i acting like this? why am i being so tough on myself? I signed up for the gym. i want to lose the weight, be a better man. get out and be better. I need to focus on my career. I cannot waste my time or my career over a dysfunctional relationship. I promise i'll try to untangle myself with this unnecessary burden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlsongs Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well I quess you already know your faults in the relationship. You are doing things right for yourself by joining a gym for better health. I know its easier said than done. But you have to stand strong and tall. Mostly for yourself, your job, and family. Just stand strong and she just might come running back. Good luck my friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceandream Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 It seems to me you lost yourself in this relationship, trying to be something you thought she wanted instead of being yourself. Can you start doing the things you love again - hiking, cycling and reconnecting with what you gave up for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfindependent Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 exactly. i am on another thread around here about moving on and nonchalance and it took so mucg courage from me to not be mad or pry about how her day went. she did tell me some things that made me think of whether or not there were guys that were interested in her. but u know what, i live with her. ive more advantage of showing to her compared to anyone that im of value and i will make use of it by just being me plus the improved me its still a long climb to pick myself up so im not gonna hold my breath. ill get there at my own pace. ive got a good career going and if i dont reframe my mind about reimproving myself it would not be beneficial to my career or any of my relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfindependent Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 but my real promise to myself that i want to keep ( and if others want to join me in this promise) is to give ME my selfrespect back. ive lost it somewhere and its time i find it again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Hopefully you won't be living together much longer. Gaining your self respect while in this situation will be difficult because you are still in love with her and cannot be with her and in such close proximity. You need distance....space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Hopefully you won't be living together much longer. Gaining your self respect while in this situation will be difficult because you are still in love with her and cannot be with her and in such close proximity. You need distance....space. I agree. I'd weigh some monetary loss against the freedom to start building a new life, and I'd figure out a way to get out of there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfindependent Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 moving out IS definitely in the works. I maybe dragging my feet a bit but I suppose I should do it sooner than later especially if and when she decides to date other people. I'm trying to focus my energy at work right now and decreasing my alcohol consumption. I am trying to be more aware of my own feelings and reading up on forums like this on how to better improve myself and reinstate my value to the opposite sex. I will approach it with my head up and try to keep my emotions on the DL. we'll see how I can get through this unscathed or at least pride still somewhat intact. She came home last night drunk after closing the bar. we talked a bit while in bed and I mentioned here on another thread that she might have been talking to someone at the bar and might have walked home with someone else. I NEED to get these pointless thoughts out of my head. I neeeeed to, for my sanity's sake and my pride. I need to let go of these anxious thoughts. i need peace. I can get it with space. If not physical space, at least mental and emotional. I am only doing myself hurt when i have these negative thoughts in me. I'll spend my energy somewhere else. OAN, she texted me early this morning (i'm now at work) and said "i'm sorry things are this way I know it's not easy for you" to which I calmly replied "LOL, what exactly is "this way"? did u have dreams of seals again?". She replied No, just saying... I need to act more like that. positive, and stress free. Positive thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfindependent Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 ugh...im doing pretty well by not showing her i need her today.i didnt really text back after that brief weird exchange earlier. i keep thinking about how shes having fun with new people today at the bar... argh. why do i cant i get these thoughts outta my head? so what if she does? so what if she meets new people without me? im at a friends house watching the same game and i couldnt concentrate. all i keep thinking are the whatifs. soon as this game is over im headed home. if im still feeling this way i think i should hit the gym or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlsongs Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Get rid of the alcohol my friend.Its a drug that makes your depression 100 times worse. You have to be strong NOW. Chicks dig strong men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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