CarnelianButterfly Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 It was not a good day, didn't sleep well, had a run in with someone who scares the crap out of me, and did the last clean up in ending a craptastic relationship, but for some reason I feel good. The lack of sleep was partly because of a good reason, I had a good chat with one of the guys from the dating site I'm on. He seems OK, smart, likes cars, likes grad school, is interested computer languages, I might go out with him sometime in the future. But after the chat I just had sleep trouble, weird dreams and anxiety. Work was a good start, two of my favorite co-workers and no overbearing boss, just me in charge and great conversation. This was then dashed when my Master's adviser walked into the store. I'm 3 years out of school with an MS in engineering and still no job, my adviser is one of the pillars of my field. I have so much respect for her, but at the same time she scares the crap out of me. I feel like I was a waste of her time because I have no job and am working retail. We talked and I tried not to be an idiot and show how I really wanted to run and hide. I was so anxious and upset by it. My last adventure of the day was getting my stuff back from my ex. He's been such a jerk about letting me get it, so I went around him and talked to his roommate, who got me my stuff. I was annoyed by the whole situation and really wanted to slap my ex for all the drama he's been causing (he wanted to end it, so let it end already). It makes me so angry how much I wasted on him and then the things he has the gumption to say to me. I wouldn't be surprised if he was holding my stuff hostage to continue contact so he could press the FWB thing more. I find him repulsive, no way I will ever be that desperate. But now I'm home and I feel good. No idea why, just relaxed, looking forward to dinner and maybe a glass of vino. I hope this isn't some denial phase that will have me crashing into anxiety and depression later. I really wish there were more good days in my life. I'm starting to feel worn out with one bad day after another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beigale Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Lack of sleep sometimes leads to high levels of dopamine in your brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Lack of sleep sometimes leads to high levels of dopamine in your brain. Possible, too bad it isn't a long term solution. Zombie like existence with moments of chemical bliss sounds like an equally horrible altenative to the anxiety filled depressed state I live in most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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