I am a useless Virgin

[Mamba]

Hi not too sure what to say here other than hi im new to this so go easy

 

Well where to start, me and this girl were friends for a couple of years seing eachother every couple of weeks im 18 and she is 19. I finally asked her if we could give a relationship a try and she said that we should give it a go and see what happens. Well we saw eachother a little more often but nothing really happened so i presumed that we were just bes friends but my feelings for her were growing and then about 2 months ago she started referring to me as her boyfriend and told her parents and her friends that we were going out and we see eachother once or twice a week. So here is the problem i go in for the kiss, the big moment when she says she has a sore throat so i think well something is up so i left it for next time and i asked her do i get a kiss. She says yes but only on the cheek so i kissed her on the cheek and that was it. Since then the past two times i saw her i kissed her on the cheek goodnight.

 

Im wondering what to make of all this and where to go from here, the problem is that i havent kissed properly before sober and she has? I dont really know what to make of this, when we go out we flirt walk hand in hand or arms interlocked. We sit hand in hand or i have my hand on her legs and we talk for hours and stroke her hair. Whats everyones opinion and how do i actually try and kiss her?

[Mamba]

Sorry i should say that she has beein in a relationship for 2 years with another guy. Oh and when i say usless virgan i am not meaning to offend anyone in any way i mean that i feel useless because of the whole thing, if you catch my drift

[Circe]

Yeah.. first of all - nothing to feel bad about in terms of you being a virgin - everyone is until their first time and that happens at completely different stages in life for everyone. I think its still early for you (in my opinion) so nothing to feel bad about there.

 

In terms of the girl.. I think its possible that she just needs to move reaaaalllly slow and is still resolving and moving on from her feelings for her ex (which is probably why she can't be too intimate with you) as well as working out how she feels about you.

 

So it depends on how much you like her and how much time you have and whether you are prepared to keep falling for her only to have her turn around and decide its not the right relationship for her at some point. She might not do that of course, she might, with time, be able to progress to more intimacy and everything might be ok but you can't be certain - so there's risk involved. But there's always risk in matters of the heart..

 

In your shoes, I would probably ask her if she wants more time to get over her breakup. I'd probably feel like there was too much risk of being used as a rebound - so that she doesnt have to be alone etc. I take it the break up was recent?

 

If the break up was ages ago I'd feel more secure in saying "perhaps she just wants to take it really slowly". Some people cannot be physical with those they do not have a fair amount of feelings for - and feelings are often things that grow in time.

[pramash]

As far as the kiss goes, just go slow and don't make it too wet or use very much tongue at all at first. You could stroke her hair too, that's a nice thing to do.

 

As far as the relationship goes, maybe you should just ask her what's up.

[Mamba]

She broke up with her boyfriend about 1 and a half years ago when he moved to another country but she still talkes to him occasionally. I think that i need to just go for it give it a try to see what happens. I think part of the problem is that we have been friends for a long time and its jsut difficult getting over the friend hurdle