How to overcome the fear of getting close to people and the fear of the phone

[oceandream]

I have a fear of getting close to people, when I feel myself getting close to anyone, I shut myself off. I think I know the root cause of the problem - I'm afraid people won't like the real me, or I am afraid of getting close to people because I am afraid of losing them. But what are some practical steps to overcome this?

 

I also have a fear of talking to people on the phone. I have no problem with business-like, or short phone conversations, but when someone just calls for a chat I just freeze and can't talk naturally. It's so frustrating!

 

Anyone else with similar problems or who can offer some advice?

Thankyou in advance

[pramash]

Getting close to people is super important to having good relationships and for your own mental health and healing! A lot of people have the same problem that you do, and I once did myself.

 

You have to just be open and honest, don't worry about what others will think, the real you is the best you and nobody is perfect! Most of the time when you open up to someone, they will feel relieved because they have the same emotions or experiences or imperfections but were afraid to say it.

[-Sanguine-]

It would be easy for me to say to you to just be yourself around people and don't be scared of opening up. But it's not that easy.. this is how you are - that doesn't mean it can't be changed, but it's not going to happen overnight..

 

I don't have experience with this fear in particular, but I have had my own issues that I have wanted to fix and here is how I began to get better (my issue was that I am co dependent and I am very passive so I have a hard time saying no to people/setting boundaries for myself).

 

I started by researching.. I bought books on codependency and setting boundaries. I read articles online about how I could deal with these issues. I did A LOT of reflection on myself and tried to figure out why I am the way I am and came to some conclusions. I will stress once again that I researched ALOT. I did pretty much anything I could on my own to help me deal with and understand my own problems. Once I did that and even though I understood myself and what needed to be fixed, I just couldn't do it on my own so I went to see a counsellor.

 

I recommend this 100%. If finances are an issue, I am sure there are places that will do it for free or for a very small fee. I paid $60 for 8 sessions, which is very little and it was SO helpful. My counsellor let me work through my problems with her and she offered tools and advice that I could use in my every day life.

 

I am still working on my co dependency, but the difference now is that I am aware of it and know when it's kicking in so I can avoid it more easily. I am still actively working on standing up for myself and setting boundaries. It's one day at a time. I am already 100x closer to the person I want to be and it's only getting better.

 

I realize my situation is completely different than yours, but I think you can take same steps to reach your goal and overcome your fears. You have to look into and research, self reflect.. do all that and then I would get some professional help if that doesn't work. Perhaps you could look into some books about having a fear of getting close to people (I guarantee there are some). And part of me thinks that once you overcome the fear of getting close to people, talking on the phone won't be such a problem for you . I know a lot of people don't want to have to go see a counsellor, but I can't stress how much it actually helped me and it's very worth it. Sometimes there's only so much we can do for ourselves.

 

Good luck with everything.

[di17cr92]

Did you get any advice for the phone chat fear? I think I also have this - no problem with person to person - family or work conversations. But when a new bf calls just to chat I feel uneasy and topics do not come easy. Any suggestions that you found that work?

 

I have a fear of getting close to people, when I feel myself getting close to anyone, I shut myself off. I think I know the root cause of the problem - I'm afraid people won't like the real me, or I am afraid of getting close to people because I am afraid of losing them. But what are some practical steps to overcome this?

 

I also have a fear of talking to people on the phone. I have no problem with business-like, or short phone conversations, but when someone just calls for a chat I just freeze and can't talk naturally. It's so frustrating!

 

Anyone else with similar problems or who can offer some advice?

Thankyou in advance

[oceandream]

Thankyou all for your advice - yes Pramash- this is the root of the problem trying to express my trueself, thankyou for the inspirational words.

Thanks D, sounds like you worked hard with the personal growth and it has paid off- yes I have been looking on the internet for articles, havent found much yet but it is only the beginning.

[Tiff13]

Thankyou all for your advice - yes Pramash- this is the root of the problem trying to express my trueself, thankyou for the inspirational words.

Thanks D, sounds like you worked hard with the personal growth and it has paid off- yes I have been looking on the internet for articles, havent found much yet but it is only the beginning.

 

I can relate! Its hard for me to talk to "long lost" friends on the phone or people im not close to.Im reading this ebook where its partly about getting someone back(its working for me right now ) but its also about working on yourself(working for me as well Anyway, he mentions a "Calming Techniqe" where you focus on literally feeling your heartbeat...then focus on the air blowing on your forearm, then focus on your breathing, then focus on all three at once! Very effective! u won't notice 100% "RIGHT away but after a week(literally) you will see it! the ebook is link removed. Im rooting for you!

[curious1234]

Can I ask how you define codependancy and can you share with me a bit of what you learned?

[selfsabotage]

Fear of abandonment?