What else do I do? (Beware long post! Sorry!)

[Tokyox]

Okay I tried writing this yesterday but it was 9 paragraphs long! So I’m going to try again and hopefully keep it short and understandable.

 

Our relationship

We were both in a relationship when we first met. He split up from his 4 year relationship because he wanted to be with me and I split up from my 2.5 year relationship to see if things would work out with the new guy! I was 16 when I met him, just turning 17, and he was 21 turning 22 a couple months later. He wined and dined me; before we were even together he bought me a £400 ring for Christmas and a giant Me-To-You teddy. We were seeing each other but 3 months after I split from my ex, we made it official. He basically moved in with me and my Mum a few months after but we were in such a happy period. We got to 2 years and things started getting rocky.

 

Our love

He stopped showing me affection and stopped with the sweet texts’ I would receive every morning before I would wake up. I would constantly bring this up but seemed like it was going through one ear and out the other! He said because I don’t give up sex, he doesn’t feel close to me, but I only stopped giving it up because I didn’t feel loved. I told him and when we had sex, it was like a one night stand! We spoke and again through one ear and out the other. TBH I don’t NEED sex, I can live without it. It’s not a big deal for me, but if I am feeling loved, I will give “love” back.

 

My affair/fling

Whatever you want to call it! I met a guy which had exactly the same interests, same age and personality, was in a relationship also, but wasn’t looking for another. We had a lot in common. Things got serious but we’d only kiss and cuddle, the affection I wanted in MY relationship. I know it was a horrible thing to do but once I’d spend time with this other guy, I was so happy to be with my BF, like I had enough affection to last me and I could just have fun with my BF. Well 2 months in and he found out, and after lots of upset he came round the next day and understood that he didn’t take notice of what I was saying about our relationship and he did neglect me. Things were again like we first met.

 

Mine and His friends

We have separate friends. My past was that I’d get bullied a lot, and when I was at an age that I could stand up for myself and stopped being walked over, I did. I’m an honest person and if I don’t like something I will tell you, if you’re not good enough to be a friend, I will cut you out of my life. That’s due to my “best friend” of almost 5 years almost got me beaten up by her and 5 other girls (all recorded on tape) because she fancied my boyfriend at the time, I have no time for people like that anymore. I have about 3 close friends and he has a few. One friend in particular (now we have our own place) comes round and eats our food and will stay till about 1am. He pee’d over the toilet seat, he doesn’t bath much and used MY towels to wash his armpits and didn’t tell me until I told him to otherwise I’d kick him out! He’d pull my cat’s tail and whiskers and I’d hear the cat cry and I’d shout at him. He purposely annoys me to I have to shout at him because my BF can’t confront people or tell them to leave. I have to so I’m seen like the nasty person! One time, his mate told me to shut my mouth and called me a C U Next Tuesday and I was there having to defend myself because my BF can’t stand up for his Girlfriend. Weeks later me and the BF were arguing and said I’m an embarrassment in front of his mates and I deserve all the words I get thrown at me, and that I caused all this fuss with me and his siser.

 

His Family and Sister

I fell out with his sister after 2 years of us being together as she accused me of rubbing my bum in her BF’s face at a party when clearly we was all bundling my boyfriend. But her friend can jump on top of his sisters BF, lift his shirt up and lick his chest... The argument was, after stating I didn’t do such a thing was that its one rule for one, and one for another, when she said to me before that event that she sees me as one of her close mates. His whole family like a drink (half Scottish) and don’t see the point of drinking, if you’re not going to get completely wasted! His sister would always invite my BF’s exs to family events and say so loudly so I could hear “I wish you was my sister in law you’d be the best” whilst giving her a cuddle. I hated seeing his exs everywhere when I’m the one in his life at the moment. Me and my BF had an argument about his ex before going to a party as he was texting her and insisting on picking her up on the way to the party before even talking to me about it, hello?! This girl was basically his “f**k buddy” while he was with his ex and when he called it off with her, she stole his pillow, aftershave and his favourite CD.

 

Words hurt

I’m a glamour model, and he pushed me into it and supported me throughout. He always says how he used to be the one who used to get all the attention in his relationships, and now he doesn’t like it because I do. I don’t go out with my friends much anymore because when I moaned that he spent £200 on drinks which was meant to be for the rent, and bare in mind I spend £25max (not a huge drinker) he moans that I’m the one that always goes to have fun and he doesn’t. He acts like a completely different person when talking to others, for example, he was chatting to an old school friend on facebook and he was saying how he gives in in our relationship and does everything, I see him write this and brought it up and he said it was his conversation and he can say what he wants about himself. He blatantly flirting I quickly copied and pasted the convo in an email to myself and read it and him saying he would love to meet her at Bingo (HE HATES BINGO). I know I shouldn’t have read the convo, but I just wanted to know what he was like, basically me being his ex and him talking to me! He's even questioned me a few times and said we're only together because it's convenient.

 

Effort

This past 2 weeks I’ve given him so much attention, but he treats me bad knowing I’m not going anywhere because I love him so much. I work from home so I’m in 24/7. I want to show him I don’t need him, but when it gets to leaving him, I can’t face it. He doesn’t make an effort anymore, even when he makes a sandwich, he can’t tie the bread up or put the rubbish in the bin which is arm length! He isn’t loaded, we have bills to pay, but he sees money as toilet paper. Instead of paying bills and actually having food for ourselves during Christmas and January, we had to purchase his family £200 worth of presents because if he doesn’t get them presents, they won’t speak to him (petty argument between one of his sisters and sister in-law, they forgot to give each other an anniversary card and they stopped talking for years!) so we are living off 10p noodles and toast. My money goes straight onto debt we have.

 

I want this to work out, I want to be so loved that I shouldn’t have to lay in bed at night thinking what is happening, wake up in the morning and lay there thinking what am I doing with my life. I love him so much! My mum wants me to return home, but my BF refuses to come with me and we’ve spoken about a break and he said if we have a break, it’s over, completely. He won’t get back with me. My mum gets ill and I’m an 1hour bus drive from her and I have a dog which can’t be left in my apartment, she needs me and she’s getting old. She begs me to come home and I want to be with her but I don’t want to lose what I have with my BF. I want to have a happy family, I want a husband to come home and cuddle me and tell me he loves me, someone to kiss goodnight, just a happy relationship.

 

What should I try? What to do? Just some advice, I know I’ve gone on, but I have no one else to talk to, unless it’s my mum and I know what her answer would be all the time. I’ve spoken to the BF but he's stubborn and don’t see anything wrong.

 

Thank you x

[SapphireNoir10]

What do you get from this relationship? No affection or love, or respect.

 

For your own sake, walk away, move back in with your mum. Stop allowing him to treat you this way. You both made mistakes and it seems like you are both unhappy and that this relationship is over.