Abused as a child

[coco1981]

Hi, this is new to me and on a subject I am certainly in need of advice for. Where do I start, When I was younger approximately 10 I think, my stepfather started abusing both me and my younger sister, every night I would suffer either heavy petting or rape to try to protect her as when it started she was only about 5. When I was about 13 I stood up to him and made him stop, threatening to tell everyone, although he stopped both me and my sister were scared that even if we told we would be called liars so agreed not to tell. My sister however couldn't cope with the pressure and a couple of years later she told my mum, because of how angry my sister was, she rebelled against my mum regularly and so mum said she was a liar and when my sister asked me to back her up, I denied it because I just wanted to shut it all out.

I am now 29 and am faced with the dillemma that I am pregnant and expecting my first child which is to be a girl. Although this isn't the first grandchild, my sister has a boy and a girl. Although she is happy for her son to stay over, the question has arisen as to why they don't look after her daughter overnight. So far she has managed to ensure that my stepfather and niece are never alone. As much as I have blocked this subject out of my head I have in the past been forced to confide in my fiance, and as he knows what happened he doesn't want his daughter any where near him, this I understand entirely but I am scared of tearing my family apart and worst still my mum never talking to me again. I know I have to protect my daughter, and why should he get away with it, but also Ineed to think of my sister who tried to speak up and Ididn't support her and now she has moved on and taken the necessary steps to protect her kids. Worst still Ihave just found out that my mum was abused by her grandfather when she was little.

If anyone can give me any help as to what to do Iwould be most grateful, I have suffered for years and have severe relationship problems with my partner as a result of this, and my inability to move on, I have also seen many people tackle this later in there lives and as a result have been out cast from the family circle and have no one to turn to, I am scared this can and will happen.

 

Thanks

[pramash]

Your stepfather should be kept away from children in general, not just girls! There is no reason to believe that abuse would not happen to your sister's son as well.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty for your denial when you were a scared 13-year-old.

 

I don't really know what other advice to give you, but I think usually talking about it is best and that you shouldn't continue to be forced to keep a secret that is not your fault at all and is obviously bothering you.