Please help me understand my situation..

[jumper11]

We dated over 5 yrs..I got my own place, had to move out of his family's, he has a lot going on within the family, as soon as I moved out on my own he left me and says he can't have a relationship, it's been over a month, but he still cries everytime I hear from him..He only initiated contact right after the break up and on Christmas, and I ran into him somewhere and he got emotional, again, and he gave me a really hard hug almost crying, and since then it's been 2 weeks of NC. Said he would call 'when he's ready'.. do you think he will? Some of my stuff is still there because it never got dealt with, because at first he kept saying not to look so far ahead. Says he still loves me but doesn't want to confuse me with his feelings. I clarified asked if he fell out of love, he said that wasn't it, but that was a while ago, and he did sound conflicted. Said he is thinking of himself now..and doesn't respond to the calls/texts I was sending, except one phone call. Each call lasted far too long and he got always sad/crying. Right after the break up he was very responsive, now he is not.

 

Said he was coming back at first, and kept saying he missed me, etc., and I feel the more time he is getting, it's like he is running away. And now he says he is moving and for me to 'move at my own pace' and saying one day he'd like to think we'd to together again, I can't buy that obviously..and in the same conversation said he is 'trying to respect my feelings'.. ugh... now it doesn't seem that he is coming back but I am so stubborn. I wish I initiated NC sooner..

 

He stopped saying I love you because it was hurting me more, hard to hear it and not getting back together.

 

I feel so confused because the email he sent after he *almost* took a break but took it back, then next day we did break up, said he can't imagine his life without me but he has doubts but he doesn't doubt his love. I don't know what to think.

[infinitesigma]

I think right now you both need space to sort out things. He's obviously as confused as you are which is not the time to run back into each others arms.

 

Take a deep breath, and get back on track with NC and work on you for now. If he contacts you, either don't reply or tell him that you both need some time to sort out what you both really want out of each other. I know both are extremely hard to do, but nothing will be accomplished or progress if this continues. I would also recommend setting a goal for NC like a month or so and tell him this. This way for both of you there is a set time and you'll both work towards meeting it.

 

I went through something similar as you so I recommend during this time work on your building your confidence and esteem because right now it has taken a hit. If you both are led back to each other, you might end up with some residual anxiety or insecurities.

 

Give it some time apart and see where it goes. I have a feeling things will work out, you both just need some time on your own.

[lavenderdove]

You have to be careful believing these nebulous 'maybe someday in the future' kind of breakups, because if the person really wanted the relationship they'd be working on it now rather than tossing you out. They break up with that excuse because it is less traumatic than saying, 'it's over, i'm done, and i don't want to work on it'...

 

So a breakup is a breakup, and you have to treat it that way... get the last of your stuff, and start your healing. He said he was 'thinking of himself' now, which means he's not thinking about you and what's right for you, so you have to do that and look for someone who does want to be with you and work with you to build a relationship rather than running away from it.