Single mum on disabilty - choose dead end job or follow creative pursuits?

[samanthajo49]

I have been diagnosed with severe bipolar for 4 years now and receive full disability for it, due to the fact that any time i tried to work full time office jobs, i was overwhelmed, stressed beyond belief, manic, fired, quit, working just doesn't work for me.

 

The exception to this is when I have waitressed, worked in a shop, or looked after children. part time hours on top of that and there is no problem like the career type jobs.

 

Basically since I do nothing all day except food shop, wash up, play with my child, read etc I always end up day dreaming about what my future should be, what I should do. I look for jobs online, hoping to see something I could do. I also paint and draw and love to do that. I want to do a ceramics course locally but it's $400 so am hesitant as I would have to budget all month to afford even just that (a few hours a week adult course)

 

On occasion I apply for dead end jobs, like a shop assistant or a nanny job. I am allowed to work a certain amount of hours per week and declare it, so it's legal if I do it under a certain amount of hours. The other day I had an interview with someone who wants me to look after her child at my house with her child, part time. She likes me and has offered my the job.

 

PROBLEM: It just feels so dead end. Why would I do it? There is absolutely zero that can come out of it except the small amount of extra money every month. Maybe it's just the mood i am in today but it just feels so ... pointless. I am over 30, to do unskilled childcare is going to lead nowhere, nowhere at all. I can survive on the benefits every month, the extra money would be cool but it's literally just pocket money, very badly paid per hour.

 

I want to pursue my art, I would love to study it, do it every day. But because I don't make any money out of this I am not proud of this path, it seems wrong to take a hobby and act like it's your work when the income from it isn't there. Also in order to produce work I need money to buy canvases,

 

I recently moved, and contacted every single art gallery in my area, asking if they would show my work, asking if I could volunteer in their gallery, anything. not one positive response. i feel really lost.

 

I recently started to meet people, after being quite alone and without friends for some time. It feels good to start making friends, but it brings up definitely judgement on what I do, who I am, where i want to go in life, naturally. It's not that they judge me, it's more that being with people and socializing again exposes myself to the realization that i am just directionless at the moment, and that it actually is important what i do all day.

 

I need help with two things. The first is brief and specific : should i take this 14 hour a week childcare job or not

 

And second is, what do you think of everything I wrote, and can you give me some opinions in general on what I should do, concentrate on etc after reading my post, what comes to mind.

 

Thank you all so much. It was hard for me to write this, it's embarrasing the sad situation i am in.

 

All I hope is that no one does the ''get a job, just anything, to not be on benefits' kind of answer, because it's NOT unemployment, it's genuine financial aid for a mental disorder. I hope everyone can realise these are two very different things when it comes to someone not working.

I know i am confused.

[mybunnyslipperz]

I can relate to your situation. I'm on disability too and have also had the whole "Should I work or not and if so, what should I do?" thing run through my mind. I think that working, while on disability, is a great mental stimulator for those of us who are able to do so. It's a great feeling to be a productive member of society and to have a purpose in life (other than the sterotypical "sit around and wait for our checks to arrive")

 

You are lucky in the fact that your benefits cover your cost of living expenses. Most people on disability (at least around here) aren't that lucky and have no choice but to work part-time - anywhere they can.

 

You've stated that you've applied for dead-end jobs already and you've indicated an interest in pursuing your art. While becoming a sought-after artist would be awesome, you've also indicated that there was little interest in you from the local art community. If you're truly passionate about your art and want to make a go of it, then you will need money to buy supplies and such. You cannot take away from your living expenses to gamble on something that may or may not provide a return on your investment.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would take the sure-thing nanny job for a few hours a week... which would give you the funds necessary to pursue your art on the side. This way you can have your cake and eat it too. You get to work, you get paid, you'll have money to buy supplies and you'll be able to work on your art, without the demands and worry about spending money that would likely be better spent elsewhere.

[BellaStranger]

I wish someone would give me disability for being tired, stressed and overwhelmed in my office job!! But before you say it- I DO understand depression because my sister has suffered from it for many years- I just don't happen to think it's best treated by giving people an 'opt out'.

 

IMO you need to think more positively about your situation- you're not 'umemployed' or 'disabled', your a 'full time mum' and there is no shame in that, it's just that if the time has come to push yourself to find something more from life then you should go for it, creatively and financially to the best of your ability.

 

Why not take the child minding job, which is only 14 hours a week and use the money from it to fund your hobby and your course? The more you work at your art the more you will establish yourself and maybe one day be able to make a living from it. No one walks straight in to the art industry- people work for years before they achieve anything from it but the more you learn and the more fulfillment you find from it the more chance you have.

 

Its not all about doing a 'career job'- its about finding what works for you and doing it in a positive, constructive way. Some people need high pressure jobs to feel good about themselves, some stay waitresses their whole lives and are 100% happy, but I don't think anyone lives on benefits and thinks that they have achieved all they could achieve. Benefits are there to get us out of a hole, but no one wants to stay in that hole forever- DO what brings you a sense of achievement, be it waitressing, childminding or creative pursuits and I believe the rest will fall in to place.

[samanthajo49]

bellastranger - i didn't explain enough how it is for me in office jobs. you said: I wish someone would give me disability for being tired, stressed and overwhelmed in my office job!! But before you say it- I DO understand depression because my sister has suffered from it for many years- I just don't happen to think it's best treated by giving people an 'opt out'.

 

It's those things but it's also much much more. For example I start to not be able to sleep the night before because of stress about how hard I find things, so I live on little sleep, and I become manic, which is where you do many things at once but your not actually doing anything at all effective, it's obvious to others your not very well and that in turn causes enormous stress and anxiety, you block up and can't concentrate, you have extreme fear, it's so much more than what you said. And I have made huge efforts in these jobs, but get fired because its obvious I am not well after a while. It always starts OK, the training period where your just learning, and then the whole stress of the job is much more than just being tired and stressed. It's why people get money for not working, they need that money, it's not at all how you describe feeling at your job, tired stressed and overwhelmed. Your still being capable and felling mentally healthy. This is much much worse than your situation.

 

In the two responses I had I have already had the response that 'arent you so lucky ' type thing. it's so horrible. My sister is that way too, thinks I am lucky and lazy etc. My parents understand. And thank god I have a good psychiatrist because he explains I have an illness and cannot work and it is not lazyness it's an illness. He understands and tells me not to listen to people who would think i don't deserve benefits.

[samanthajo49]

Well I called the woman and took the job. So thats fourteen hours a week I will be working, albeit in a very dead end boring job.

 

It will cover just enough money wise to do a one evening a week class in pottery. (or should i take oil painting?) This isn't enough to feel like I am making the best of my week though, and I feel still stuck.

 

I have just starting seeing a guy too, and at first I was quite positive about finding work in an art gallery, now thats fallen through (no one was interested - it's very closed mentality here) I don't know what he is going to think of me

 

on disability

on disabilty with a part time child carer job for pocket money

 

I am 30. They are both just bad. They are both really unnattractive

 

I wish I could study all week long lots of different things. i can't afford to.

[samanthajo49]

if anyone else could comment on all of what i first spoke about that would be really helpful to me thank you.

[samanthajo49]

also if i do take classes it means getting childcare so it's doubly expensive. i am so so tired of being poor.

[CatsMeeoow]

Well you have to understand your limitations....

 

You are on disability BECAUSE you have an illness. Your illness must take priority then. You have responsibility to yourself and your child. First and foremost the money you receive should not only be for your necessities - food, shelter, healthcare BUT you should be doing your best to put some money aside for emergencies.

 

You cannot work because it is "too much" so why are you taking on a part time job and pursuing other things??? Won't that create stress??? Won't the lack of money available to care for yourself and your child create stress???

 

You need to live within your means and if a part time job doesn't create too much stress and helps provide for you child then certainly do it - dead end or not. So many single moms work more than one job to take care of their family. They do what it takes.

 

As for pottery classes??? $400 is a big financial commitment. I think you can find alternatives for much less money. I would suggest looking for adult education classes through libraries, universities, at the senior/disability center. A sketch pad and pencils cost very little money. Pickup a craft kit at the local hobby store and do some needlework or something. There are books that help you learn how to knit/crochet. You can research textiles online. These cost very little money and would be more budget friendly.

 

Heck - I would love to pursue my interest of travel but seeing how funds are low and well I have a child in school NOT going to happen. We all have hopes and dreams but we all must learn to live within our means at the same time.

 

I think if I were in yours shoes I'd be grateful for a part time babysitting job that let me provide for my child.

 

Good Luck

[itsallgrand]

Well to be frank, the first thing that came to my mind is that there is no embarrassment in taking 'dead end' jobs like childcare, whether you are 30+ or not, on disability benefits or not. Instead of seeing the negative in that, why not see the positive? Not only is it good for you (instead of beating yourself up) to see the positives of those opportunities before you, it's also better in terms of not hurting other people also. What do I mean? Well, say you meet a new friend who is working their buns off to make their life better and she happens to be a woman your age who works taking children in to her home and has created her own day care business. Would you think she is 'less than' because she is doing something you see as dead end? While you might respond to me, well no, it's really only myself I am so hard on, believe me, people pick up on negative attitudes like that. And they will often feel judged, or just not very good to be around you if you put off that vibe.

You know as well as anyone who could post here that the job you work or don't work, isn't what makes a person lazy or not. Hard working or not. Smart and ambitious or not. Sometimes people have to work within the opportunities they can find, and sometimes it takes a lot of work just to get from X to Z for some while for others it is an easy and even course to do that. The end product isn't what defines the person; it's how that person lives and the values they live.

 

So as for your situation. It is probably important that you pursue your art in some capacity, in so far as it seems very important to you and it gives you a sense of worth and self esteem and control over your life. It seems to me that you feel hemmed in and frustrated with your opportunities right now, but that can often be a matter of perspective and knowing where to control the levers. Like I mentioned, I have seen women turn 'dead end' situations into profitable businesses with some ingenuity. I've seen some people bust some barriers and do amazing things, because they worked away at it and looked with the big picture in mind.

 

The beauty of small jobs that give you extra money are that they are not a huge commitment, they give you extra money you don't have to deduct from your disability credits, and you still get to be with your child and focus on your health. I see no reason you can't try to do your art, from home if need be and also through networking and classes that can be relelatively cheaper than the 400 bucks, like Catsmeoww mentioned, there are a lot of learning centers where admissions is very low cost and they make it very easy to go to school. Some even have options as far as child care, I'm not even kidding you, or you may find a way to do a "switch" of watching each others child with a friend or relative, or have help with that from your family at all?

 

Good luck. It's excellent you want to better yourself and you can do it. I hope you and your child are doing well, like you deserve.