rsu82f Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 My fiancé and I have been together for just over 3 years. For the first 6 or 7 months of our relationship he wasn't the most attentive, loving boyfriend but regardless I fell deeply in love with him and saw that deep down he was a good person (if not a bit emtiononally immature). After about 6 months or so he seemed to grow up a bit and began to be more of a boyfriend. I went off to university in the September (9 months into our relationship) but we agreed we wanted to stay together and make it work. We have had our ups and downs, but mostly he makes me really happy. 18 months ago he proposed and I said yes..But a couple of months after we got engaged he said he had something to confess. He told me he had cheated on me a couple of times early in our relationship, I was really upset and wasn't sure what to do. I decided I did want to stay together though. Now just before Christmas he tells me (over the phone again, while I am 300 miles away at uni) that there are other incidents of him being unfaithful. He tells me about a couple of other women, yet cannot give me any dates as he 'can't remember'. He says that it was early on in the relationship & didn't mean anything. I know this sounds so niavé but I know he has changed and is not the same person he was back then. But he still betrayed me. He still cheated on me. I never thought that I would be the type of person to but up with this and, being honest, if it was one of my freinds I would judge them for staying with him...Anyway, I began to try and trust him again, and although he makes me happy the trust has obviously been effected. I never was the paranoid type but ended up snooping around on his facebook and found various messages to women, ranging from mildly flirtatious to him telling women how much he liked them. They're all from ages ago, but it's still hurts. I'm not sure what to do, or how to feel. Any advice? Thank you! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 You probably don't want to consider this, but I hope it won't fall on deaf ears. There is no way you can know FOR SURE that he hasn't cheated recently. Why would he have waited so long to tell you about these other incidents, instead of just telling you about them when he first confessed? And he "can't remember" when it happened? I'm sorry, but there is no way I would believe that. Of course he can't give you dates, but he could give you a ballpark (like, "January of our first year together", or "Summer of our first year"). I think there is a very good chance that he has cheated recently. You have no reason to "put up with this", as you've said, and you certainly can no longer trust him. He's treated your relationship like it's nothing by sleeping around, while you're sitting here trying SO HARD to hold it together. How is that acceptable to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generaldiscord Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 You know, he wasn't an attentive loving boyfriend, and he was seeing other girls on the side. Then he became attentive and loving, admitted the girls on the side, and now you're mad at him. Relationships aren't supposed to work like international ping pong tournaments. Accept his apology if you can, otherwise you know it's time to end things! Either way, good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 If he had truly changed he would have told you as soon as it happened and all at once, not in piecee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviee Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Get rid of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 My fear is that if it is a long distance relationship, he has been cheating on you the whole time you've been apart, and he is just letting out these little bubbles of truth as he goes along without reference to a timeline. And honestly, if you are cheating with people, wouldn't you remember pretty well WHEN you did it? The fact that he is 'fuzzy' on this topic makes me think perhaps he may be 'editing' the story to not let you know how recent this has been... The other thing that bothers me is how MANY incidents it was (and with how many different women)? He may have a problem with fidelity in general, and be someone who feels he is entitled to 'variety' with lots of different women, in which he might keep up that pattern after you marry him. I would try to get very clear details on this, and think twice about marrying someone who has cheated a LOT with a LOT of women during your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraBlue Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Do not marry him. It's bad enough he cheated w/ one woman but he is saying ti's happened with several women which makes him a serial cheater. Get tested for STDs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Get rid of him. Pretty much. What is he going to do next? Keep cheating & lying to you and later give you the 'by the way' excuse again years down the road? He's not a marriage material for you. If he can't be faithful and truthful being with you RIGHT NOW, how is marriage going to change anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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