today marks a week

[katnip]

Just letting out some thoughts. I need some relief and people who can relate.

 

I have been doing so well, and today, i just feel down. I don't feel devestated and like doing nothing, i just, I miss him I feel like an idiot for even breaking up with him in the first place, and i am so upset that he refused to talk, even after i apologized. We always got along great, and only had a few tiny bumps. We were both very forgiving with each other and just never got in dumb fights and brought up old stuff. We were very mature in our relationship, and he thought me so much by having such a wonderful character.

 

All that runs through my head is, "you said you loved me, you said you weren't going anywhere. Why can't you just come speak to me? I miss you so much. You PROMISED you would never hurt me, and you know what i have been through....you knowhow much it took for me to fully trust you, how can u just walk away? IM SORRY!"

 

I know that I should just stand firm in my decision, but after having no contact with him, ough, I just miss him. I have to remember though what drove me to the break up, and that was being under appreciated, I truly feel like I gave way more than i received and that's just not ok. I just feel like a fool about how I acted once he refused to talk to me, I could have been more mature and just said ok, perhaps i would not be hurting as much, perhaps he'd be feeling differently, I dunno.

 

WHY did he even e-mail me? for what? -_- that just got me all sorts of roweled up. Perhaps he was just trying to see how I was doing because he genuinely cares that I am ok. I just really feel he could have gotten that info from his mom when I see her Friday..... doesn't he realize it would only hurt me? What if that's all he could muster up? What if contacting just to say a couple of things, took all his courage? How can I know that? I'm worried, because knowing him, that's a big possibility, and my very brief answer with no invitation to talk could really make him decide to not speak to me again...for good, he could very well take it as one last turn down, and I would hate it if this was the case. I just want to look him in the eye and ask him if he really wants this to be over, if he really can't change just a few things, if what we have err, had is worth nothing to him. We made plans together, this was the man I was going to marry. I just feel like a big fool for ever thinking he would never hurt me.

 

it's harder to deal with knowing i may never get a chance to say those things, than the actual breakup. If i got that chance, i could just move on very quickly. It's my fault, I know, I shouldn't have turned him down when he asked to come talk, so now I have to deal with the consequences. I have to forgive myself for how I acted, I think it's the only way to get peace from it. At the end of the day, I believe destiny is already written, and whatever is meant to happen will happen. I just want to hold his face one last time.

[GotMyLifeBack]

All that runs through my head is, "you said you loved me, you said you weren't going anywhere. Why can't you just come speak to me? I miss you so much. You PROMISED you would never hurt me, and you know what i have been through....you knowhow much it took for me to fully trust you, how can u just walk away? IM SORRY!" .......... I just want to hold his face one last time.

 

Oh yeah, I can definitely relate. My ex made the same promises to me, and I totally believed her. Why shouldn't I have believed her? Why shouldn't you have believed your ex? Love shouldn't be about playing defense.

 

You broke up with him because you felt underappreciated. That's why my ex broke up with me. Although I think my ex way underestimated my love for her, the fact is she wanted/needed more of something. I loved her so much that I was willing to work on ways that would make her feel more appreciated, but she said no and just got another boyfriend.

 

A couple of things I'm wondering about. Was your feeling underappreciated truly due to his actions or nonactions, or is it possible that part of what happened is that you were looking for him to fill some empty parts of you? (I'm only asking a question). Also, remember that you walked away from him. Since you dumped him, assuming he's normal, he probably is feeling rejected and is dealing with the blow to his self-esteem. If that's true, he may be anxious about whether you'd walk away from him again, and thus needs space now. Although you're feeling hurt, there's no sting quite like the voice of someone we love saying they don't love us enough to stay and make things better. When you left him, that set in motion lots of things in him that you and maybe even he doesn't understand.

 

I know what you mean about wanting to hold your ex's face one more time. I feel that about my ex, but for me, that wouldn't be enough. I would want to work things out. I'm not sure if you want to get back together with him or not. If you do, I wouldn't give up on your efforts to talk directly to him. If he keeps denying you this, you may have to back off and let him decide when to contact you. If you're not interested in reconciling, but just want a stronger sense of closure, you have to understand that the dumpee doesn't care whether the dumper has a sense of closure.

 

I hope this works out in a way that is healing for you. Again, if you want to get back together, try a bit more to arrange a face-to-face talk, but if he denies you this more than a couple times, you'll be better off telling him you're going to leave him alone to heal, and wish him the best. Then months or years later (depending on your rate of healing), you might consider reaching out to him again.