Girlfriend came clean, what do I do now?

[unbalanced]

Before you read this article can you please read the 1st article I posted? It has to do with that and gives some history. Thank you.

 

 

 

Okay well I stopped talking to my girlfriend since last night. We met each other and I told her how I feel and asked her I deserve the truth because I feel like I she has been lying to me about speaking to this guy that was obviously interested in her. She finally told me the truth about everything and started tearing because she knew she was wrong and I told her previously that I wasn't going to be in a relationship if someone I loved was lying to me at times when I need them to tell me the truth and be honest. I asked her what can we do to make this better and she said Idk while tearing. So I said okay, left and just went home. She texted me later on that night saying that during her drive home she realized that I matured in the relationship and how she honestly sees that I have been trying to work everything out and she has not and she went backwards. How it was wrong for her to do that and how she is now sitting at home trying to save her relationship with me. She also told me that the only reason she was talking to him was that she craved attention and that that was the first time she ever had confidence in herself (she lost weight recently and guys have been trying to get at her). To be honest out of being with her for over 4 years this is the first time she has ever fully admitted to her personal problems and didnt blame me instead, which shocked me. But upset at the fact that she disclaimed me when talking to the boy and that she lied to me had me upset. I havent talked to her all day. Since she started telling me the truth I also still have a few questions about past events. Should I ask her or let those go? And I havent talked to her in almost a day should I call her now or wait a day or two to let her feel what I have been feeling all this time, alone? Please answer these 2 questions for me Thanks

 

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[abitbroken]

I would not dig around about events in the distance past. It would only add insult to injury, or be an interrogation. I would drop them if they weren't major. I would focus on the recent past and the going forward unless they are super major things like sleeping with someone else. As far as calling her, do what you feel. It wouldn't hurt to wait a day to have a chance to collect your thoughts.

[HeartGoesOn]

She finally told me the truth about everything and started tearing because she knew she was wrong and I told her previously that I wasn't going to be in a relationship if someone I loved was lying to me at times when I need them to tell me the truth and be honest.

 

This is not saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. According to your other threads, she's been lying to you about this other guy for quite some time, and she knows that you're still there for her.

 

It sounds like you need to look at this realistically and make a decision.

[thejigsup]

I was a chubby girl until I turned 16, then I grew about 4 inches and dropped 50 lbs. I wanted to enjoy all the attention I was getting from guys and I did. BUT, I never lied about it to anyone. That is just dishonest. She doesn't sound like she is ready for a serious relationship. I think she needs to play the field awhile before she settles down. She's not bad, she is just young. Give her this time to have fun and mature. She sounds like she needs it.

[lorac69]

I would not dig around about events in the distance past. It would only add insult to injury, or be an interrogation. I would drop them if they weren't major. I would focus on the recent past and the going forward unless they are super major things like sleeping with someone else. As far as calling her, do what you feel. It wouldn't hurt to wait a day to have a chance to collect your thoughts.

 

I agree with this...while you most likely have a very strong urge to know details, they can be VERY painful. You have to use your head in this...are the questions you have going to dig into details that will hurt you worse or are they to find out the basics. If you do get the details you won't soon forget them.

[lorac69]

I would give it time, at least a few days if you can stand it. It will give you time to cool down and collect your thoughts so that you can address the situation logically and not just emotionally, which can be very damaging if you say the wrong things. I would give her a call and tell her that you need sometime to think about things and ask her to accommodate you, but don't let her draw you into a conversation more than that. This allows you time to think and let's her know that's what you are doing. You are being open and honest with her.

 

She has been lying for quite a while. I believe that many people adore attention they get from others. It boosts self-esteem and makes a person feel wanted and it's exciting. It's the chase all over again. It's flirty and fun, unfortunately it crosses a line in many relationships becuase of the dishonesty that usually comes along with it. If you are willing to work it out, I would look into some kind of couples counseling to learn how to show love, respect and appreciation. I know it sounds too simple to have to go to a counselor to figure out, but it can help very much. You might both find that your relationship is missing things you didn't even realize were missing.

 

However, you are the only one that can make the decision to stay or go and you are the only one who can know the level of hurt and damage to trust and integrity of the relationship that you have endured. AND if you can live with it and still work towards a better relationship. It's possible but it can be very emotionally stressful and it can take a great deal of time to heal.

 

I hope you can find some peace of mind and you do take time to think about it. Good luck