ClaraBlue Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I cheated. It was an awful time in my marriage but that is no excuse. It was emotional and then turned physical with someone I've known most of my life, who proposed to me before my husband did (nothing came of it though since we were both dating other people at the time--I was dating my husband, he had a girlfriend). I can't deny that I had feelings for him and did for a long time. I love my husband very much and we are in the process of divorcing. After we separated and started going counselling together, he told me he'd been with someone else after we separated and I told him what I did. When we met we fell completely in love with one another. It was amazing. I wish more than anything I could take back what I did but I know that's not possible. It was not a one-time thing and I have since ceased all contact with the guy, haven't seen him in a year now. Early in our marriage my husband had placed online ads looking for sex with strange women so that dealt a blow to our M but we stilled stayed together. I don't fault him for my cheating. We had definite cracks in our marriage but that i s no excuse. I have tremendous guilt over my actions and husband and I are still in touch and I know we still love eachother but I'm not sure we could get past what we did... and our divorce is right around the corner... (he filed) Sometimes I feel like I should be wearing a scarlet A on my chest. I've been in therapy for over a year now re: this but the guilt never goes away. Please give me some advice. More background info: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I am glad you admitted it - its an important step in the healing process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I'm glad that you decided to go through therapy. You are acknowledging what you did was wrong, and is trying to correct your life from this point forward. It's hard when you go through something like this, but you need to realize that we are only human, we all make mistakes, you just have to learn from them, that's all. Realize what you did, and start making changing to stop yourself from letting it happen again in the future. There is no reason to look back and regret what you did, or what you didn't do. Everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately, you are now dealing with the consequences of your actions. However, due to your mistake, it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. You live and you learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
npmommy Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 At least you admitted your wrongs. I wonder though if in the beginning when he sollicited sex that caused no trust on ur part and you were in a way getting back at him. I am divorced and just got engaged and just found out my fiancénwas solliciting sex through emails to transexuals. I am disgusted but have no trust now. Without the trust what do u have. Isn't it funny how it seems people hurt the ones they love. It's sad but I get it. Things happen for a reason and it sounds like from the beginning he was untrustworthy with the emails. That's a bad start to begin with. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 It was emotional and then turned physical with someone I've known most of my life, who proposed to me before my husband did (nothing came of it though since we were both dating other people at the time--I was dating my husband, he had a girlfriend). How do two people get to the point of this level of interest when both are dating other people. The cheating basically started long before the marriage. It sounds like all three of you need to counselling and a better understanding of relationships and commitment and loyalty. It is good that you are now reflecting on what you have done. What's done is done and you need to learn to forgive yourself so that you don't carry around this heavy weight for the rest of your life. That can be the old you...the new you is someone who will never put herself in a position to cheat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraBlue Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Appreciate the feedback. Yep ti's really important that I am honest/admit whawt I did. It has eaten away at me for a long time. Anytime I hear about infidelity or cheating on the TV, radio, in random conversations, I automatically think about what I did. I've been seeing a counselor for over a year now re: it but the guilt never goes away. I wonder though if in the beginning when he sollicited sex that caused no trust on ur part You know, after I found out about him looking for sex online when I saw it with my own eyes, I have to admit, something changed...the way I looked at him changed. I never imagined he could or would do something like that. But I forgave him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraBlue Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 How do two people get to the point of this level of interest when both are dating other people. The cheating basically started long before the marriage. You're absolutely right. When he told me he was in love with me/about the ring and showed it to me, I was completely floored and did know I had feelings for him. But I didn't think that was enough to discontinue my relationship at the time. The fact that he was with someone else too threw me also. I thought, Why is he telling me this now? It was wrong of me to stay in contact w/ him like I did. It was inappropriate. As for forgiving myself--I do not think I ever will. It's been over a year and a half & I still have not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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