delicous Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I am about to burst out in tears one minute and then the next, I am fine. I am laughing and enjoying life, then when I am alone again, it repeats inself, sometimes I am miserable while everybody else is having fun because I keep going back in forth like a teeter totter what i did to cause such distruction in my last relationship and then it hit me. I didn't do anything "wrong" per say...I just loved him too much. I can't not cry over this. It has now been almost 6 months and I am just devestated still.. Don't get me wrong, I tried to move on...I dated and then i found myself and still find myself into this messed up, disfunctional "relationship" if you want to call it that...Now I am realyzing I need to be alone and I need to stop telling myself I need someone else...Especiall a man.... I was so use to depending on my ex for advise, encouragement, stregnth, love and so much...that I lost myself. I literally lost my direction... I kept looking at stupid cosmos for sex and relationship advise when my head and heart are right there the whole time. Wasteing countless minutes and hours waiting for him to come home just for a kiss or a smile... I am really losing it...He is getting married and is happy as can be...He actually told me through email not to contact him anymore and we can't speak anymore and he is the happiest he has ever been...That stung pretty deep...we talked about marriage and kids and having a big house and growing old together then BOOM one day he just ends it...Oh then he ask me back...then he changed his mind about wanting me back...And all of the sudden he is moving another girl in who I think is his ex he proposed to before he was with me like 4 years prior to meeting me...I can verely breath... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I am so sorry. I really understand the feeling of teeter tottering. It is as if you rmind is wrestling with itself in a spin cycle! I am also sorry for the way this happened. It sounds very sudden and painful. I know that even when it isn't completely sudden, it feels that way at the end. The person you counted on has betrayed you. I hope you can begin an action plan to pull yourself out of the past and start making plans for your future. Easy to say, I know. I woke up feeling just horrible today. But I do find comfort in knowing I am not alone; there are other kind hearts out there. You are one of them. I wish you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 thanks fwdthinker!---- I feel like crying whenever I think about him so I try to block those thoughts out. But then I hear his name or I see a truck that looks like his or something on tv or a movie we watched together will remind me of him. I know he wasn't right for me or he wouldn't of ended it. But it still hurts bad! And I still talk to his sister on occation and his other simblings but not him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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