Ex gf actions please help me understand.. any ladies in similar situation

[22n32]

As many of u know my gf of 1yr broke up with me about 1.5weeks ago..

 

and i have learned some intresting things on why it happened maybe u guys can help me understand whats going on with her and her thoughts..

 

we meet dated and started falling for eachother pretty hard after2-3 months.. everything progressed nice and there was love and caring and respect, something she has never got before and she saw me as a catch, never landed a guy my caliber. and she was really happy so i thought, good actor i guess..

 

then after our break up, she tells me she was talking to her ex just thru phone for the first 4months..they dated but basically FWB for 5 weeks prior to me.. then she meet me and choose me so i thought..

 

then 9months into it, she tells me she still thinks about this ex, but she doesnt want to be with him because it wasnt healthy rel, but there was something about them that she couldnt get passed it.. i guess it was a lack of closure or whatever..

 

then last month into our rel she says to me she thinks about him alot, and its not fair to me to be with me while she is thinking about this guy..

so she breaks it off with me.. and she tells me she loves me and knows im a better person, but she cant shake the feeling of him, she even said she has dreams about him, this of course crushed me..

 

so how could she be in love with me and everything go right, meet parents talk about future, but still thinks about this guy, she said she tried to hide it, but that only makes it worse and have more intense feelings..

 

so her step is to be single and get over him and prob me.. my question is she gonna try to forget him and when she does will her feeling go back towards me..

 

or its a lost cause forever with us.. im confused everything gone, because she couldnt shake the feeling of this guy she put on a pedestal??

 

im confused, whats gonna happen next??

[MasterPo]

It sounds like you were the "rebound" relationship. Yeah you will be very confused for awhile, no rhyme or reason to her actions and that crazy hope that it is just a bad dream.

 

Nobody knows what she is thinking, hell, she doesn't know and I'm not being very helpful BUT bear with me, we do know in confusion there is opportunity.

 

So here goes, take care of you! Simple as that; eat well, go do something very physical, drink alot of water and read about no contact. You have no control which way she is gonna go so removing yourself from the equation MIGHT make her miss you and what you had, SOME rebounds work but NC gives you the win-win edge. Win-Win because you will either get her back or you will be over her and on to someone else or less painful life. Hopefully wiser and more aware of your relationships.

 

My hard earned 2 cents. I wish you luck.

[22n32]

Yeah i thought about the rebound thing, i dont know because they were never exlusive and it was FWB, they were free to see who ever.. but i guess her mind and heart was still in the guy.. so i became the rebound rel which took her away from it..

[22n32]

and even if we were a rebound, our rel was better and healthier.. so even if rebound that should be a more postive sign for us.. but she didnt procceses the feeling of the guy and just carried it into our rel..

[22n32]

then she text me...

 

EVERYTHING WILL BE OK, JUST MOVE ON FOR NOW!!!!!!

 

What a bunch of bs, she is trying to ease the pain and have me strung.. i dont know???

 

i know she wants me but cant because of thinking of someone else.. but thats a cruel thing to say.. is she really gonna move on from him and come back???

[thejigsup]

The kind of unhealthy love the two of them shared can have a more powerful pull on a person's heart than a healthy love. I'm female and I have had this happen to me with men! It's not hard to figure out. Some people have a psychological NEED to be with someone that is "edgy" or a little dangerous. It is all rooted in their psyches and there is nothing you can do about it. These people need professional help, but they usually don't believe that and keep having bad relationship after bad relationship. Then they scream that "all men are creeps". Not so, you are an excellent example of a classy guy. Now, go find you a classy lady who will appreciate you.

[22n32]

The kind of unhealthy love the two of them shared can have a more powerful pull on a person's heart than a healthy love. I'm female and I have had this happen to me with men! It's not hard to figure out. Some people have a psychological NEED to be with someone that is "edgy" or a little dangerous. It is all rooted in their psyches and there is nothing you can do about it. These people need professional help, but they usually don't believe that and keep having bad relationship after bad relationship. Then they scream that "all men are creeps". Not so, you are an excellent example of a classy guy. Now, go find you a classy lady who will appreciate you.

 

 

Thank u.. and i agree with u.. she craves disfunction i think its the only way it makes her feel good and normal.. and i usally date very wholesome normal girls.. she hooked me in and we fell in love.. she was like a girl version of me.. but she does have very deep rotted problems with troubled men.. i always thought by showing her love and caring she would relize she is better.. i was never trying to be her savior.. just tuff true real love.. guess it backfired.. haha

[coolchick64]

What thejigsup said. Dysfunctional relationships are addictive. It's very hard to break free. It sounds like you two had a great, healthy relationship and she recognized that but she just wasn't separated from him long enough when you met. She has to figure out for herself that those relationships are agonizing, dead-ends. Sometimes the only way is to get kicked in the teeth a few more times. I don't think she was playing you. I'm sure it's difficult for her, too, but at least she's being honest. It's too bad. Timing . . . (roll eyes)