tubby83 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Hi folks, A while ago my fiance met this guy for business reasons, he insisted that they remain in contact to which she did. When the business side of things ended, they remained in contact, while no physical contact was made, they have sent photographs of each other to each other. He knows about me but still contacts her and she contacts him. When confronted, she cried and said they are just friends can I not understand that? What got me upset was the flirting, while texting each other she said she was goign to sleep, and he asked if it was a lone, she said yes and said do you want to join me? She says he asked her if she could help him find a girlfriend to which she agree. She thinks its okay that I "knew" about him. This hurt me the most. Ever since I have been thinking of ways I need to better improve myself to satisfy her needs, her flirtatious needs, her needs of feeling wanted. But I am not getting anything from her. When ever a conversation starts she says its all her fault, she has stopped talking to this guy, and stuff like that. Im a doctor, so i work all hours. The reason Im asking for advice is that I have been thinking if she is the right one for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Honestly, if she's your fiancee, I would truly wonder whether or not she is the right one for you. How can you possibly trust her and settle down with her? If she wants to flirt or cheat, she will do so. Sometimes it isn't about you, and no amount of change can make her feel otherwise. Even if she stopped talking to the guy, eventually it'll just be someone else, and you'll feel the same way all over again. It's one thing with friendly flirting, and it's another when sexual remarks are made. A relationship is based on trust and communication, without it, you have nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tubby83 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 it seems like I am the only one trying to change and make the relationship seem more than what it is. People say that the relationship is only you and the person involved, which i know is wrong, there are both parents, siblings, family and friends to think of. It would be easiest to say just leave, but it isn't. It is her first time, but only after an ex contacted me and wanted to catch up, this ex has 2 kids and has one on the way, it was merely and purely a coffee (45 mins) and catch up. Hmm, maybe i need to chat to my fiance more in order to find out what is really going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
april15 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Trust. Especially with your hours you are going to need to be able to trust your wife. It sounds as if you are already not trusting her. You have made a good decision to seek advice. Listen to the opinions you will get here and think hard about your next step. It sucks to cancel a wedding. It really Really REALLY sucks to get a divorce. I can only tell you my experience. I settled and did not back out of a wedding and while there were some good times 2/3 of the marriage were not so good times. Thats 8 months a year of bad times. I was always looking back to the dating days as the good old times. Communication was terrible, trust was in the toilet. Even though I tried to rekindle the love and wanted the marriage to work it ended in divorce. With my wife today, I loved our dating days but I still think our best days are ahead. We communicate and share and trust. I feel our relationship is growing. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tubby83 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 She has promised to not talk to this guy again, so far teh texting has stopped, i cant check her work email, so yea, she is very scared to lose me. Her family love me, my family love her. her friends all say she is in the wrong and agree that it is a break uppable (word check?) offense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
april15 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I was able to be the best me and then the best husband when I changed my attitude. I focused on being the best man that I could be, being honest both to myself and my partner and if she wanted to stray or I felt I could not be true to myself then I needed to move on. This takes good honest communication with your partner. This attitude helped me find a woman who had the same core values and feel connected with her without feeling pressured or smothered. When I first adapted this attitude I had a gf that was comfortable but created these trust feelings that you describe without actually cheating. I did end a fun but not practical relationship but the short term pain was worth the long-term gain. It seems like she is acting out of fear of being caught not because it is what she wants to do. How long will that last. What are your ages? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tubby83 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 It seems like she is acting out of fear of being caught not because it is what she wants to do Can you explain this sentence to me? Im 27, she is 28 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
april15 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I am loyal to my wife because I want only her and don't flirt with women, carry on with single women, go to dating websites, chat with women online or hang out at single meet markets because of that choice. My actions reflect are a result of my internal desire not because I am afraid my wife will find out or a fear of losing her if I am caught. At that age many people are settling down. Sound like you are ready to do just that. I guess you need to find out if she is too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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