sweetpea03 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 sjjohnson89, the quote said OP... meaning "original poster", the person who started the thread, it wasn't referring to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I've never understood why people worry about the cultural baggage that goes along with gender. Gender is biological--who cares about what people think a man/woman should be like, or how they should act? I'm a man because I was born this way. God forbid I'm not an alpha male, or I don't care about cars, or I didn't offer my best calf to the comeliest virgin in the village. Most women have already escaped the personality-assumptions and social limitations that go along with their gender...it's high-time men did the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 sjjohnson89, the quote said OP... meaning "original poster", the person who started the thread, it wasn't referring to you... I quoted because its not always that simple, i know form experience. Many guys will be able to go by those rules, im just saying that not everyone can and explained my reasons. The quote was right when coming form one perspective, but there are many perspectives. I just think people should acknowledge that. This is getting a little too serious now i feel i have to explain myself, im only offereing another opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 That's why I feel like guys get the wrong idea, they think as long as they are kind any woman should want them, and if they don't want them, well it's because they like mean guys and are stupid. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. There is more to it than that, maybe there's something else you need to work on or maybe you're just not finding the right kind of woman for you. Just like the guys I mentioned, if they would just make more of an effort to do something with their lives, I'm certain they'd have a lot better luck at finding a partner...but I guess that's just asking too much. Yes for sure you are correct. Then again aren't we all different and looking for some different. I understand that qualities such as weath, religion, family connections, education, security, financies are important factors to consider when choosing a mate, but not everyone strives for that! Not everyone needs that, or wants to deal with it. Perhaps they are lonely and wish to find a partner to cuddle with, or go out? They don't need to know what you do, have to offer, just get to know each other, and perhaps later get into dipper converations about life, etc. I mean there are a lot of guys who are nice, and some mean it and some don't. I guess what I am trying to say is there is more to them than meets the eye? Being nice certainly won't get you far, but it's a start in their eyes, as for contuniation it's comes down to chemistry! 8 ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 No wonder you can't find a nice woman, because this is the attitude you give off to everyone. I would never want to date a guy like you, if you just categorize women based on a couple bad experiences. It must be incredible to be able to argue like this. "You said some things about my gender that I don't like, so I'm going to insinuate that you'll end up angering others like me, in the hopes that you'll stop making that argument." By all means, debate the facts, but let's avoid "You're mean, so you aren't going to get laid! You have to agree with us to get anywhere with us!" as a "debate tactic." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 You are also 22 and your personality is still developing. I wouldn't spend time agonizing over this. Most people that age, including myself, did not find the right person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I've never understood why people worry about the cultural baggage that goes along with gender. Gender is biological--who cares about what people think a man/woman should be like, or how they should act? I'm a man because I was born this way. God forbid I'm not an alpha male, or I don't care about cars, or I didn't offer my best calf to the comeliest virgin in the village. Most women have already escaped the personality-assumptions and social limitations that go along with their gender...it's high-time men did the same. By the fact that gender is biological we will always be different. Alot of the people on this thread are obvioulsy having problems, and maybe going about it the wrong way by complaining. The best thing you can do is what we are doing now, discussing our differences as this helps to find who we are and in turn what we are looking for. My problems have not come via bias, they have come by not having a belonging if you like. Im just trying to find my way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 It must be incredible to be able to argue like this. "You said some things about my gender that I don't like, so I'm going to insinuate that you'll end up angering others like me, in the hopes that you'll stop making that argument." By all means, debate the facts, but let's avoid "You're mean, so you aren't going to get laid! You have to agree with us to get anywhere with us!" as a "debate tactic." I'm sure there are women out there who can go for him, but if he wants to complain about not getting nice women, then he needs to take a deep look at himself, not others. We attract those who we like by our attitude, so obviously he is doing something to attract shallow women. We teach others how to treat us by the way we act, if he wants a good, nice woman, then he needs to act that way. Otherwise, he is just going to be stuck where he is. I don't associate myself with guys like him, as I view a man to be kind and a gentleman. If he doesn't act like one, I won't go near him. My boyfriend is the sweetest man I know, which is what attracted me to him. I would never date some jerk. Every talks from personal experience, as you have yourself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 By the fact that gender is biological we will always be different. I agree with that. But what I'm saying is, personality isn't magically ascribed by gender, and we aren't necessarily going to fit our culture's definitions of being a man/woman. When that happens, instead of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, we should just be who we are, instead of trying to change our personality to what we're "supposed" to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I agree with that. But what I'm saying is, personality isn't magically ascribed by gender, and we aren't necessarily going to fit our culture's definitions of being a man/woman. When that happens, instead of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, we should just be who we are, instead of trying to change our personality to what we're "supposed" to be. Exactly, well put. Note that im not defining everyone into one basket here claiming women and men to be clones based on gender, im just interested in the whole psychological side of things and we cant examine every individual so we look at the common traits forming steriotypical groups. We are our experiences and how we react to them regardless of gender so each person is unique. I am a strong type of person, i do things the way i believe best not what others say. I think you are just misunderstanding what im trying to say here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 I don´t impose a picture of being complainer or woman hater. That´s only my rant in this thread. I respect them alot and take care of them and then I attract shallow women... not because Im an * * * * * * * ... its because im nice. Im only generalizing my own dating experiences and the dating experiences of my social circle... not the whole woman gendre. Shallow women in general like nice guys, because they are users and its easy to use nice guys (gifts, taking care of her animals, taking her everywhere) Nice women on the other hand tend to date bad guys at young age Dunno why it is like that with so many people. I have female friends who date assholes and try to change them (helping behaviour effect) Those nice ladies always tell me Im the sweetest guy they know, but they wonder why only shallow women show intrest in me. Of course there is nice people who date nice people, but often times nice people end up dating bad people, who use them. ("nice" is a stupid word, but you know what I mean = people with morals) I would love to be with a nice lady, but nice ladies rather date my * * * * * * * friends, who most of the time cheat on them. You know there is really little room for nice guys in the whole dating game. Being assertive and over confident helps you more to find a nice lady... I guess they mix up the confidance with arrogance. Dunno I just feel the dating at young age is often times useless as people grow emotionally alot when they get older. That´s why the society is so full of single moms these days... people decide to get pregnant at young age and believe in "love". Most of my female friends who got a baby at 19 or 20 are now 3-4 years later single moms. I only know 1 that is still staying with her buddy (her buddy is a nice guy so it might work ) I just wonder why people need all the drama and troubles. If you are a good hearted person... just go for those shy and emotionally available guys... why to waste your time with men who think with their * * * * s... it only gets you so far. Anyways I have decided to use psychology to get me a nice lady She can then have to change me and help me. It´s really sad that I feel, I need to act something im not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeviousOne Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 idk how this thread turned into a gender conflict ect ect.... Welcome to America btw.... Apparently woman this by acting like men they can protect themselves and being an overly nice guy now a days is a huge red flag because accord to alot of women especially my friends all guys are a holes! i have nice guys friends that come to me with their issues and its always the same thing i tell them there is a line between a hole and nice guy just learn how to walk it. Works extremely well for me. now im not asking them to change its just how you express things like when you meet a great woman...shes going to make you earn her heart trust and love, so why can we as men do the same in return to them instead of having to prove EVERYTHING up front to even have a chance. Thats just a sign of insecurity and probably one of the pyshco's from your past... If your a true nice guy no matter what your always going to be that way nothing wrong with that at all but you have to make a woman earn that from you and if she is someone that is genuially interested and wants to really get to know you she'll stay around to find out. This way you appreciate her more so for going thru that process for you (which nice guy side will love that) and she feels like wow i took the time and really got to know a great guy and she'll feel accomplished...My whole thing about doing nice things is doing it in moderation timing is everything and being nice so often takes away value from when you do, do something nice for your girl. again you dont need to act like anything your not its just a different strategy you need to protect yourself from crazy girls they feed off that and obviously its not working out for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I don't know who you hang out with, but I'd be looking for new friends then if I was you. There are plenty of nice women who want to date nice guys. You obviously aren't looking in the right places, because you haven't seen that. It's a matter of looking in the right places. You can find nice women who volunteer, who are involved at their colleges, who are involved at church, etc. I have a lot of single female friends who are very nice and just complain about all the a**hole guys they meet. You aren't helping yourself by acting that way, but only hurting your own chances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Tell your nice single female friends that they need to learn how to approach guys. I bet most of them just sit and wait the man to make the move and then they wonder, why they can´t find a nice guy. If your friends like to find a nice guy THEY NEED TO approach those shy and sensitive guys. Men who approach women are most of the time the men that are not nice - think about it. So if your friends complain, tell them to approach the shy guys and they will be suprised how many good men there really is, who would like to date them. Nice guys rarely make the move... they are just too sensitive and lack the confidance the jerks have. I was like that before and I only got approached by shallow women, who wanted to use me for sex, money etc etc. Now Im creating a profile to link removed and I approach women on clubs, liberies, shops etc etc... so Im not carring about the results... If I get denied by 20 of them... maybe the 21st will give me her number So next time your friends whine just explain to them they need to make effort and just go for those guys that seem more silent and shy (the guys that you normally just consider as friends) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Let it just happen my friend! You will see how just silly this dating scene is once you meet that person, it will flow, magical! It's hard to miss it, trust me you will know exactly who she is once you look at each other! Don't worry about those females who want to be persuid, pampered, attentioned starved, whatever they are looking for in my honest opinion is just coding. I wouldn't mind be aquainted with those females, but I care less to date them. No way in hell am I willing to spend time, resources, being explosed to that individual with that attitude. I care less because I know what it can lead to; I care less because I know there are many females out there who are same way as I am. don't need all those damn games, persuing action crap! I only dated 2 females all my life and I am 24, and those were females were worth my time. Yes, a lot of young females want to date "badboy", let them, what is it to you? Let them learn. You worry about yourself, and she will come around at some point. I consider myself a nice guy, not a doormat, but "nice" guy. I think logically, if females don't make sense I say what I need to say! I don't agree what they all saying, nor would I ever consider going along their way! I stand up for what is right, and willing to work around issues at hand. Be nice guy is all good, but no your limits. Because if you don't, someone will take advantage of that personallity. Anyway, in colcusion be yourself, don't worry about "nice" or "bad" guy to get a female, she will come eventually. As for females, many of them don't care about your nor me, nor John next door and why should you be concerned? If you are appealing, wanted man, females will persue you as you want to persue her for what she is. World is to big. P.S. Sounds like I was rambling, without proper prononciated, grammar, or any positive advice, but I hope that will get something out of it. After all we all think diffierent and get exposed to different situations. So get as much knowledge as you can, educate yourself about diffirent woman at hand, and you'll be set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 It's not just young females who want badboys. Females who are 40 want badboys too. No doubt about that. I thought I read it somewhere about young females, and I personally have expirience with younger females more than adults, so I was speaking from my point of view. But I am certain that people don't change overnight, if they've been exposed to "badboy" type throughout years. Perhaps thats all they know!? It still doesnt matter, I would care less for those type, because they would care less for my type. Go with the flow. I know personally adult females who lived for years with their abusive bfs, mind you not husband, but "boyfriend". What makes them stay with those individuals is beyond me, but I am positive there is a lot involved. Be it financial, threat, ehh challenge, kinds, etc. Why waste energy on those individuals when you know well they won't change for the better? I wouldn't push it to far. From my expirience relationships just happen out of the blue, the least when you expected, out of knowhere she comes. And whenever I am looking for someone 99% of the time there seems to be a problem. So? stop looking and let nature take care of it. But if you act out of desperity, most likely you will be disaapointed, and that is what happens to often. P.S. Please excuse my grammar, and poor choices of words, and badly made up sentences. English is my 2nd language and I am still learning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightbulbSun Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I agree with this, and have noticed it too. Women seem to be attracted to 'pretty' men, like Justin Biebler, Johnny Depp, etc. It's a trend that started in the 80's with androgynous popstars like Prince and Michael Jackson, and it's continued on into the 2011's. I constantly find myself trying to do a balancing act, between being 'sensitive' and being 'manly.' I can keep the long hair (that makes me sensitive and a poet), but I have to talk in a lower voice (be manly.) I can't be emotional (that's too sensitive), or lift a lot of weights (that makes me too manly.) I'm honestly confused by what the current generation of women want. Women who are 50 and over are much more easy to understand, because they grew up in a generation that wasn't focused on these conflicting ideals. But I want to date women aged 19-30, so it's kind of frustrating. Maybe when I'm older, I'll understand? My fear is that they won't grow out of it, and that this is a new trait that will continue on for the next few generations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 You know what: any given man, doesn't have to attract ALL types of women, but just the one you are interested in. But it sounds as if you guys are giving up, because it seems impossible (which it quite frankly is) to attract every single woman on the planet. Decide which type of woman you like and then see if you are/ can be the type of man such women might like (but this I mean don't go for women who like outgoing guys, if you are more introverted etc). Sure there are trends and preferences for each age and generation, but you don't have to target all of them. You shouldn't focus on all the women who you might not attract due to your looks, personality, preferences etc, but the few that might be interested in you. After all you are just looking for ONE woman, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I agree that it might seem easier for some than others. But instead of focusing on all the things that you don't have, focus on what you have to offer and make the best of it. Negativity is really such a turn off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jooj Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I noticed that men in this forum tend to overgeneralize when it comes to women. Lots of nice women are attracted to nice men and don't want a man that's rude to them. The reason I'm in a relationship with my current boyfriend is because he's a very sweet and nice man and he does his best to make me happy. If he was rude to me I wouldn't be with him right now. And I'm no psycho if you think that nice men only attract psychos. I'm very nice and caring and Im willing to do anything to make my man happy. Don't overgeneralize. Be yourself. You will find a nice girl who will like you for who you are and appreciate that you are nice to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 If those 100 women were all incompatible with you, it doesn't matter that they all said no. It's not about how many women say yes, but finding the one that is right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 The rude and crude bit doesn't work on many women. I had a guy try that once and I said if he didn't take me home right that instant, he would be toothless courtesy of my fist. He took me home and came by my house the next day with one of our mutual friends. He apologized and I told him to get off of my property or I was going to call the police. Nasty, mean, rude, men DO NOT get nice girls. They get girls who are players. If that's what you want..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 The rude and crude bit doesn't work on many women. I had a guy try that once and I said if he didn't take me home right that instant, he would be toothless courtesy of my fist. He took me home and came by my house the next day with one of our mutual friends. He apologized and I told him to get off of my property or I was going to call the police. Nasty, mean, rude, men DO NOT get nice girls. They get girls who are players. If that's what you want..... I like you thejigsup, youve got character. Ive never given a girl a reason to say that to me, but if one did they would sure earn my respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ut804 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 i am actually looking for a nice guy. unfortuantly, all the good looking guys I have dated recently are cocky, arrogant, cold hearted, players, fake. and you know what? a lot of MEN like women who are b**ches. all you men complain "ohh no one likes a nice guy" when in reality a lot of MEN don't like nice women!!! i see it all the time: men date hot women who treat them like crap. they only stay with the woman because she's hot. nice girls aren't always appreciated. men don't care about personality or intelligence, just how hot a girl is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikesmith909 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 If you see my other thread here, you'll see the reasons why I believe the OPs saying to be true. I met a girl that ends up acting like a man, and in turn I'm feeling and sounding like a woman. It's quite sad. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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