Scandi Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Ok first of all Im from Finland so my english writing skills are not that awsome OK so I have noticed that modern women act like men and modern men act like women, when it comes to whole dating game. Young single girls in general are very shallow and picky, when selecting the mate. Nowadays when I see couples on the street the guy is often times much better looking than the woman... Or if the woman is better looking they are only dating and the girls is looking for better mate at the same time Women also play games more than men. They test men all the time in the beginning and evaluate them - I use to be a nice guy, but it always ended quickly those girls were 19, 23 and 24 year olds and had a history of short term releationships (i only attracted psychos) - Nowadays I act like a total ass and treat women like and they give me attention - I really do respect women alot, but it seems that only way I can attract nice girls is being rude and assertive Only psychos and women who have really bad package like nice guys (in general), cos they can use them I would like to find me a nice lady, but dunno what im doing wrong Do I really need to act like an to get dates? and then I can secretly turn into nice guy and the woman can feel she saved me, while in reality I was already a nice guy I hate the games people play, but Im mastering them anyways (I keed) /rant (I am not a women hater, just wondering ) Anyways any single girls between 20-26 on the boards, pm me and we can change msn addresses (you see im desperate) hah im just kidding, I am just very open to start discussing with a ladies from foreign countries and see how it is like. Im not picky by any means, if I find a girl intersting, I also find her very beautifull... I myself am a pretty decent looking and very smart and funny guy with high morals and confidence (wow sounds like a typical dating add - I know) It could be nice to talk with some single ladies from foreign country just for fun and to exchange thoughts about dating, life and releationships (wow doesn´t I sound like a needy person) I know this site isn´t a dating site and Im not searching for dates, just wanna see if anyone wants to share thoughts randomly. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I kind of know what you are saying. Ive always been a nice guy but when i was younger i put on a front to protect myself because as im very shy, this front at times wasnt all that nice and i regret some of the things i did back then. The puzzling thing is some girls responded to it, i know i was in a different age group back then but from what i see in my current age group its not a whole lot different ( not as bad though ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 yeah you know sj, us "nice" (what a stupid and overused word in dating) guys are more in danger to attract users. By acting more assertive and being more rude you have better chance finding a nice and "innocent" (what a stupid word) girl. Its all about hormone levels I would like to be so sweet and nice to a girl I like, but it is just not working e. there has been 3 women in my life and they all cheated on me (later I heard they all cheated with the next guy also) - so I guess I attract wrong type of women. Im not bitter, Im just kinda lost what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I think the type of girl is the problem here, the type we are talking about are experts at messing with your head. They are also experts at getting our attension making the ones we should concentrate on invisble. Im done with my old ways though, i want to be me and have been doing that for a few years now and feel better for it. Ive actually kind of given up on dating for the time being because of this, ive got important things going on in my life at the moment and i dont need anyone playing with my head. I want to now look for that girl thats out there somewhere, someone i can actually be myself around and be appreciated for it, someone nice and feel connected with. Maybe im a fool, but its better to live in hope and not give up than accept the type we are talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callacova Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Just act like a man and it'll be fine. If you're dealing with psychos then you're screwed, but generally women wants men to take a manly role, but remember this doesn't mean being a jerk and controlling to her. Most guys need to act like girls and the relationship roles get reversed, women just mirror the guys actions so men will have to change first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviee Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 You know, it is actually extremely hard to find a truly nice and genuine MAN. Life just works in the weirdest of ways. I've seen a few of my friends, maybe two, meet incredibly nice gentlemen, it seemed like they were completely in love, and then the girl will turn around and leave them and date someone else. :S Human beings are the weirdest creatures on earth and are the hardest things to figure out. As far as relationships goes, one thing that I always do is make sure to be friends with the person I date, for a long period of time. Once you know you connect well and that you can trust this person, then you can pursue something further and maybe have a better chance at making it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 You know, it is actually extremely hard to find a truly nice and genuine MAN. Life just works in the weirdest of ways. I've seen a few of my friends, maybe two, meet incredibly nice gentlemen, it seemed like they were completely in love, and then the girl will turn around and leave them and date someone else. :S Human beings are the weirdest creatures on earth and are the hardest things to figure out. As far as relationships goes, one thing that I always do is make sure to be friends with the person I date, for a long period of time. Once you know you connect well and that you can trust this person, then you can pursue something further and maybe have a better chance at making it work. What bothers me about stuff such as the bolded statement is that it is too often an implication that it is easy to find genuine and nice males, but they are "boys" to the girl, or she sees them as "just friends". She just doesn't see them "in that way" because they're not manly enough, not confident enough, not secure enough, etc. I wouldn't say women are the new men when it comes to dating, because women are inherently pickier when it comes to it, that's how the evolutionary psychology of our species plays out. Back when women didn't work and needed to marry to survive, desperation played a factor in how dating worked, but they still weren't really attracted to their husband if he didn't have those specific secure traits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARJ Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Funny post! But don't act like a * * * * , yes some women actually like that, but it sounds like these women are not your type, so why bother? Be yourself, that's it. Who knows, some woman you would want might like that. Crazier things have happened ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Funny post! But don't act like a * * * * , yes some women actually like that, but it sounds like these women are not your type, so why bother? Be yourself, that's it. Who knows, some woman you would want might like that. Crazier things have happened ! The whole point of this thread is that being yourself gets you rejected and dumped, because most women have unrealistic expectations and grocery lists for men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARJ Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 The whole point of this thread is that being yourself gets you rejected and dumped, because most women have unrealistic expectations and grocery lists for men. So you would rather fake? And try to find "love" ? I don't understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviee Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 We can't control what we are attracted to, boy or girl, man or woman, and everyone is different. For me the first thing that attracts me to a guy is that he makes me laugh and feel good, that is one of the most important things to me. I also am interested in guys that have passions and want to make a life for themselves. I don't know why, but I've met a lot of nice guys that seem to have the whole package, I become friends with them, and they claim to be attracted to me and want something further. Well I always get to know a person now after bad experiences, and I usually find out that these guys aren't so great after all. For instance, I have two friends that I still talk to who were really interested in me, and me them, but I took things slow. Well good thing because one is 26 and lives at home with his mom still, she is so controlling and he is too scared to stand up to her and go out and get himself a job. She is so afraid of being alone that she won't let him go. He also has tried to get me to cheat on my husband recently...and this is after knowing him for 6 years. I never imagined he was that type of person, but I guess he's desperate now. The other friend, I had a huge connection with, he is the only person in the world right now where I feel like he truly gets me and we can talk about anything. I really considered dating him for a long time, but he also is 22 and still lives at home with mom. He has no job and doesn't seem like he will be getting his life together anytime soon. He is also very negative about life and isn't very sympathetic. I know deep down he is a kind person, but he just tries to act cold too much. I am sorry if I sound shallow or something, but a person that is that old and still living at home with no hopes of a future and scared to even stand up to their own parents, those are just boys to me. They are kind in heart, but they just have some issues that I couldn't force myself to ignore and be happy about. After all this, I found a great guy that is in the military, he is level-headed and is going somewhere with his life. He is only 20 and has a lot more going for him that just kindness. Which person would you choose? If you knew the guy was kind, but was going no where in life and had no self-esteem, would you truly be happy with them? A guy can be kind, but there's lots more to attraction than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 First of all I am not a lady! But I understand where you are coming from! very interesting indeed, how society is changing. Personally I respect females, not all of them mind you. Now I care less about females who think they are something higher then someone else. If I connect with them I connect, if not than I don't bother going any further simple as that. If there is chemistry than you are golden if there isn't much, and you two are not on the same page, then damn move along, nothing to see. Now for some it could be challenge, for others headache. Woman say they are looking for NICE man, please! Be realistic about it, no one is perfect, sometimes open your eyes a little, there are plenty of nice dudes. Suprisingly I did find truly amazing ladies when I wasn't looking for any! Desperation could lead to a lot of mistakes and disappointments. Just go with the flow! My 2 cents. Also, Eviee you are NOT shallow by any means. You simply looking a man who can fullfill your needs! If two of you are not on the same page then you two will have problems! All of the qualities you mentioned are very important, to some, to others it's no biggie. Things will come along as life moves on, as long as you have a couple working together to acomplish that goal! Isn't it what life is all about? To over come obstaclies, to stick for each other, to make each other better in every possible way, to enhance each other. If he is lacking that specific trait, and you don't, why not share it? Why not show someone how to be free, if you have the will! Without chemistry there is little hope in my opinion! No interest, lifeless boring conversations, and sucky days ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviee Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 That's why I feel like guys get the wrong idea, they think as long as they are kind any woman should want them, and if they don't want them, well it's because they like mean guys and are stupid. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. There is more to it than that, maybe there's something else you need to work on or maybe you're just not finding the right kind of woman for you. Just like the guys I mentioned, if they would just make more of an effort to do something with their lives, I'm certain they'd have a lot better luck at finding a partner...but I guess that's just asking too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iakasot Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 So you would rather fake? And try to find "love" ? I don't understand. Women try to appear more attractive with make-up and clothes (which isn't what they REALLY look like), why shouldn't men try to appear more attractive by faking confidence and security? Both genders are attracted to different things, and if women have the right to fake ones attractive to men, shouldn't men have the same right? Regardless, with confidence, 'fake it until you make it' works, because eventually if you fake it long enough, you start believing yourself, and your self esteem and confidence naturally improve. It's not that being nice is bad, it's that women are picky, as Eviee's long post showed, the heart wants what it wants. But men being more picky isn't a solution "be yourself if she doesn't accept you you shouldn't be with her". Don't you get that if men were that picky that our species would die out? In addition, lots of males are universally considered undesirable by females, if they didn't fake it, they wouldn't get to reproduce PERIOD, their genes would die out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 That is what bothers me the most in the whole dating scene. Women have too many options to choose from. Women who have nothing going on in life and are very desparate and not even that good looking (I know I am being shallow bringing the looks in) Can still get a nice and carring man anytime they want. The whole dating scene has turned to that women choose who they want to be with and men wait in line. Then if you don´t fill in her standards she is ready to leave the ship as soon as possible eventho she has more issues, more package and more insecurities (which are all natural) Then women wonder why men are pigs and players.... have you ever talked to those "pigs" and "players", most of them have been heart broken by women, when they were "nice" and they just thought " * * * * it, im gonna play with women now" And being a player and * * * * * * * attracts many women... those women can only blame themselves, if they get played, because deep down those women understand the red flags, but choose to ignore them. I am nowadays more confidant than ever and I can manipulate women to like me, if I choose to, but I am not gonna lower myself to that. I rather be alone than acting Few times I have used psychology to married woman on a bar and they were ready to leave with me. I turned them down on their door and said to them "leave your husband, your a total * * * * and he deserves more"... then I left them there wondering and I walked away (never touched them since they were married - see im not an * * * * * * * ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I like to also add that I really think that most of the young women are so shallow and picky that all they want is "an alpha male"... then they turn 30 and biological clock starts clicking and they finally settle with the "beta male", who can provide them babies - how sick is that... many women marry just to get marry. Us guys marry because we are in love not hating on all the women... just stating my facts how I see most young girls/women act (you can be happy, if your not one of them) There is more good guys than good women.... I stay behind this. look at the girls in the school that bully.... they are more evil than guys and know what hurts. wow I just realized I really categorize the woman gendre in general... I hate the fact that few bad apples can cause that. That might be the reason I am nowadays getting more attention from ladies.... I just don´t care that much... and they want what they think they can´t get. to all the guys that read this: "you don´t need them, they need you" - act like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 That's why I feel like guys get the wrong idea, they think as long as they are kind any woman should want them, and if they don't want them, well it's because they like mean guys and are stupid. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. There is more to it than that, maybe there's something else you need to work on or maybe you're just not finding the right kind of woman for you. Just like the guys I mentioned, if they would just make more of an effort to do something with their lives, I'm certain they'd have a lot better luck at finding a partner...but I guess that's just asking too much. I am a nice guy but dont really fit with the crowd and go my own way. I have aspirations, i am going somewhere as i am trying to make things happen. I have many hobbies and passions and love to get into deep conversations despite my extreme shyness. I am more emotionaly sensitive than most guys and can appreciate subtlety as i have an artistic mind set, having said that i have typical guy traits aswell as i love sport and admit to having stubborn male pride. I get emotional when i hear a beautiful piece of music which i guess makes me kind of girly in many peoples eyes, yet i have some boxing experience which isnt girly at all. Girls have never responded to my emotional side, but some have responded to my more typical guy side. I am not saying i want someone to like me because im nice, im just fed up of girls wanting someone because they are tough or going places or assertive. How about wanting to be with someone that you have a connection with, if they have obstacles in their path then you should help them get out of it, inspire them to better things. If you dont they will grow up twisted because no one gave them the push they needed. As human beings we are naturally lazy, and will sit on the spot for life unless we or someone else forces us to push foreward. Men seem to value women, but girls seem to value not the man but his position and how that will benift them. Im not labelling all men and women here, ive known people that arent like that but it seems so many are. Im saying my decision at this point is to find a girl that has the same values as me, however long it takes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scandi Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 yeah you sound like a nice fellow. On the other hand I sometimes think why we even blame that women like assholes. Its not your lost, if they leave you. Most likely they will fall in love to some fellow, who will break their heart in pieces. If it doesn´t work with some girl, it wasn´t meant to be... keep your head up high and tell yourself that your an amazing person and any woman should be happy to be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 yeah you sound like a nice fellow. On the other hand I sometimes think why we even blame that women like assholes. Its not your lost, if they leave you. Most likely they will fall in love to some fellow, who will break their heart in pieces. If it doesn´t work with some girl, it wasn´t meant to be... keep your head up high and tell yourself that your an amazing person and any woman should be happy to be with you. From what ive seen in the past first hand women will say i wish i was with someone who understands me, someone i connect with. Then they will go out with someone who disregards their feelings and probably cheating on them. If a sensitive guy approaches them they arent inetersted. Women are facinating because they cant seem to get their thoughts straight and make up their minds, but they really do damage alot of men emotionally. The mind defeats the body, and women have power over the minds of men. I think womens golddigging if you like, is down to insecurity and feel the need to be protected deep down. They will choose stature over connection, men although we want to be successful we want to find a girl to grow old with more and genearlly dont care what her background is poor or rich. Im genralising again, im only talking on average here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 OP - I disagree with you. There are plenty of nice women out there. If you are consistently meeting women who are shallow and immature, you need to 1. refine the criteria you are looking for, 2. make more logical and rational decisions in the type of women you approach and take the time to pursue, and 3. learn the red flags on immature and shallow women. Blaming women, categorizing them as immature, or complaining about changes in society is really going to do nothing for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Sjjohnson be who you are and you'll attract a female who will respond and find your traits very valuable. Now granted there are a lot of women out there who dont' care about you, nor me, nor Joy next door, so what?!? We do this all the time too. When we go out, we hardly notice some of the females anyway, despite their numbers, looks, etc lol. We only look at those who seem attractive to US. Not sure about you all, but it seems to me there are a lot more females now around than males! As for women being picky I care less, I am picky too, and as far as I am concerned there are millions of them available. Be it in U.S. or other country. So don't put your head low, just do what you do, consantrate on yourself. Bah. Funny, true storry I would like to share. I met my first girlfriend through a party, out of the blue we connected, enjoyed conversation, went out, etc. After few months of dating, she told me I was a very nice guy, she thought I was BAD guy when she started to dating me. Why would intentionally date an azz? I mean for goodness sake, I can act like one but when I enjoy to be with someone so much I act accordingly in a respectful manner. Afterwards I lost interest and so did she, as if I wasn't challenging, didnt give her enouph drama in her life. Maybe she is used to be treated with disrespect, and enjoyes the thrill? I wouldn't know, I lost part of me with her. We are apart now. She didn't take me for who I was, and I didn't change for the worse to keep her intact with such behavior. But now I am dating someone esle who does apprutiate me, and who thinks my qualities are the sht she has been looking for all these years! the moral of the story is WAIT, be patient there is someone out there who will love you for who you are! Be yourself, and stand up for who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Amen to that capuccino. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARJ Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Hey, I'm not saying you MUST do what I said. Be yourself or someone else, whatever works best. I was merely giving an advice to OP, just like SpiritofFire. but be careful with generalizing women so much. Not every female is what you seem to believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjjohnson89 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 OP - I disagree with you. There are plenty of nice women out there. If you are consistently meeting women who are shallow and immature, you need to 1. refine the criteria you are looking for, 2. make more logical and rational decisions in the type of women you approach and take the time to pursue, and 3. learn the red flags on immature and shallow women. Blaming women, categorizing them as immature, or complaining about changes in society is really going to do nothing for you. I am totally the opposite of shallow, i do not judge women by their looks (mostly) and yes there are plenty of nice women about. I am a very good judge of character and dont waste my time with people that are shallow. Im not immature and im not complaining or blaming, im analysing steriotypes which are very present in our society. Im am interested in the psychology of human nature, and there is nothing more human than the subject of relationships. Everything in life can be catagorised in steriotypes, it doesnt mean everything fits into them, it just means on average. Its only by understanding this that we can begin to understand life, everyone may be different but nature has a way of making things move together, steriotypes are what make the world go round. Im not the usual in terms of my personality, ive never met anyone who truly understands me before as im quet complex and dont even understand myself sometimes. This has made dating very difficult for me as people fear what they dont understand, inother words many girls wont stay around for long. But the point ive been making is that im looking for something that i havent found yet with a girl, connection. I analyze to understand, by understanding i will be able to use action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 No wonder you can't find a nice woman, because this is the attitude you give off to everyone. I would never want to date a guy like you, if you just categorize women based on a couple bad experiences. Move on. So you had a couple bad experiences in the past with certain women, then look at how you acted or where you met these women and learn from those experiences. You are acting very immature. "OP - I disagree with you. There are plenty of nice women out there. If you are consistently meeting women who are shallow and immature, you need to 1. refine the criteria you are looking for, 2. make more logical and rational decisions in the type of women you approach and take the time to pursue, and 3. learn the red flags on immature and shallow women. Blaming women, categorizing them as immature, or complaining about changes in society is really going to do nothing for you." I agree with this. Look at what you are doing to attract these types of women and grow from the experiences. You aren't getting anywhere by just complaining and saying you hate shallow women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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